The holidays have come and gone. Too fast, as usual.

We are very blessed to have celebrated the holiday season together. Between our vacation the week after Thanksgiving, my husband’s leave and the way the holidays fell we actually had a lot of time together this year; lots of productive days with many things checked off our to do list and lots of lazy, family days.

It spoiled us a little, actually. Like many military families, we do not take for granted the time we have together - especially the holidays. We are thankful for those doing their part and serving their country overseas or training or even on duty. Service members and their families continually make sacrifices each and everyday, this time of year is no exception. They are never far from our minds. And we know that being together again this year was a gift that we are thankful for. Next year could be very different for us!

Since my husband and I grew up very close to one another, we have always traveled back home to visit our families. Now that our boys are a little older, we are currently celebrating being diaper-free for the first time in four years, we decided we wanted to start some holiday traditions in our own home instead of spending most of our time traveling from family to family in the car, living out of suitcases - especially since our deployment timeline could be anywhere within the next year or so.

We aren’t sure what next year will look like so it was important to start traditions this year. After all the blood sweat and tears, and money, we put into buying our first home, I needed to spend one Christmas here before we PCS or my husband deploys!!  

I wanted to document my boys coming down the stairs in their Christmas PJs, have pictures taken of the four of us by the tree, spend the day in our PJs, playing with all the new toys and not having anything on our agenda except being with one another.

This year we had all of those wonderful memories. We had a great Christmas in our own home and were even lucky enough to have some visitors with us. But what I did not account for was my 4-year-old remembering that we usually spend holidays back in New York.

He cried and said he wanted to go to Buffalo to “see his whole family”. He missed his grandparents, great grandparents, aunt and uncles and sweet baby cousin. It broke my heart to see my sweet little boy so sad.

I am so thankful that despite the distance between us, my husband and I have managed to keep our long distance families close to our boys.  Each time we visit or we have family visit us, it gets harder and harder to say “See ya later”. And this holiday apart was no different. My young son knew that something was different this year. Although wonderful in ways, it was different. No chaos or busyness.  And he wanted to know why we had to live so far away from family. We were able to Skype and talk on Christmas and, in our own way, we were together with them but I too missed being there in person.

My heart is a little broken for my children because their childhood will be so different from the one I had.  I was not prepared for them to have an opinion or emotions about our decision to stay home this year or the life we live (by husband being a Marine).

We thought by staying home, we were giving them memories and tradition. But we learned that those memories and traditions had already begun years ago. It doesn’t matter where we go, family is what matters the most during the holiday season. We may not be able to travel home every year but I will continue to keep my boys close to family no matter how far apart we may live.

“TA DA!” Came the exclamation from the kitchen, at 6:30 am.

My husband had just secured dinner reservations for our family at “Be Our Guest” at the Magic Kingdom, which currently happens to be the absolute hardest place to get a reservation at Walt Disney World. This accomplishment occurred only six days before we were scheduled to leave for our trip. Reservations can be made up to 180 days in advance, and people are serious about flocking online to make theirs that early. Fortunately for us, my husband thoroughly enjoys enjoying a glass of wine in the evenings while “trolling” the reservations website, or in this case, his morning coffee time scored dinner at one of our favorite places. When people cancel and a spot opens up, you’ve got to be on there to grab it!

However, if you don’t have the time or desire to scavenge the reservation site like we do, planning is still a key to making your Disney vacation as magical as possible for your family. With the fabulous military discounts, the trip itself is definitely made more affordable. Currently, four-day tickets are less than $200 per person at MWR or Shades of Green resorts in Orlando.  Children under age three are still free. https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/special-offers/military-4-day-tickets/

The military discounts for resorts on property also help tremendously with the expense.  Disney resorts are divided into three price categories and really do provide options for all budget sizes. http://www.militarydisneytips.com/Disney-Armed-Forces-Salute-Disney-Resorts.html

Some Disney (Florida) basics: There are four parks to visit. The Magic Kingdom, which is home to the iconic Cinderella Castle. There are tons of things for big and small kids to do here. The shows and parades are amazing but for anything that takes place in front of the castle, get there early to get close enough to see. Magic Kingdom also hosts a nightly fireworks show that will require you to arrive early, too as it is Disney’s most popular. Princesses and other character appearances are everywhere here so keep your cameras handy.

 Epcot Center is an incredible place to visit, play and learn. Its claim to fame is the huge golf ball that can be seen from almost anywhere in the park. This park focuses on technology and the future, as well as the past. The World Showcase, which surrounds a lagoon, boasts  11 different countries including stores, restaurants and opportunities to learn about the culture in each. There are also many places to see princesses and characters here, too. So if you missed the princesses at Magic Kingdom, don’t worry, their appearance schedules are all listed on the guide. Epcot also has a nightly fireworks spectacular which happens to be our favorite. The fireworks take place above the lagoon and can be seen from any country in the World Showcase. I think we’ve seen it from every country’s vantage point. It’s not quite as crazy in popularity as the Magic Kingdom’s and the beauty of it is it can be seen from many places in the park. On our last trip, we got there early enough to grab a café table in France and have champagne and French pastries while we watched the show. Best view yet!

Disney’s Hollywood Studios is home to . . . the movies! This park features streets and shops paying homage to old Hollywood and movie-themed attractions such as the Tower of Terror, based on the Twilight Zone, Star Tours, the Star Wars themed extravaganza and the Great Movie Ride, which takes you through some of the most iconic movies of all times.  Hollywood’s nightly show is Fantasmic, a blend of pyrotechnics and live characters all in an arena surrounding a lovely lake. It’s a must see!

Disney’s Animal Kingdom givens you and your family the opportunity to get up close and personal with some animals you might otherwise not ever get to see in their ‘natural habitat.’ Kilimanjaro Safari is a slow bus ride through the savannah and jungle where you can see everything from hippos to cheetahs, elephants and giraffes and even rhinos. It’s an amazing time for people of all ages to see and learn about so many different creatures. Animal Kingdom’s centerpiece is the huge “Tree of Life” in the center of the park. Just to see it is beautiful, as well as a great place for a photo op, but it also contains a live show, themed after the movie “A Bug’s Life.” There are many other animal themed shows and rides here. This park is also broken into world ‘regions.’ There’s an African section, an Asian section, there’s even a dinosaur section!  The dinosaur section includes a huge ‘dinosaur dig’ area great for little ones! In Asia, Everest is the thrill roller coaster ride that is the park’s most popular. This park closes the earliest, so I recommend going early, seeing everything you can and then hopping over to one of the other parks to end your night with fireworks.

Disney’s Fast Pass plus option helps you to “schedule” times for some of the most popular attractions to  ensure your family  gets to experience as much action as possible. After registering your tickets online you can go through a series of times based on your dates and select the rides you’d like. https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/plan/my-disney-experience/fastpass-plus/

And now, it all links to the magic bands! Magic bands can be selected by color and even personalized. They are water proof, Mickey logoed plastic bands that each member of your party wears the entire vacation. https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/plan/my-disney-experience/bands-cards/

Not only do they link to your Fast Passes, but also your actual admission ticket, as well as park pictures, the ability to “bump your band” and pay for things in the parks. Don’t worry, you decide which bands have charging privileges,  that way your little ones can’t run rampant and “bump” things in the stores to leave you with a big, fat bill!

And then there’s the food! Dining at Disney is serious business for us, obviously. At most places, reservations are recommended, but if you don’t want to commit, at least familiarize yourself online ahead of time with the places to eat at the different parks you plan to visit. There are so many to choose from, varying in price and type of cuisine it’s easy to be hungry when you’re there and just feel overwhelmed with the choices.  The Disney Dining Plan is another option to help streamline your trip, and your budget. There are some restrictions with this plan, but we’ve used it on some of our trips and enjoyed it. For a certain price, your family can put together a number of meals and snacks per day that you pay for rolled into the cost of your whole trip. We’ve priced it out, and it’s not necessarily cheaper, but paying for most everything up front is convenient.  You can research and see what’s considered a snack and a meal online so that you will be well informed if you choose this option. During the Epcot Food and Wine Festival, the dining plan is super worth it, as the food booth tasting options fall into the “snack” category. This festival usually takes place end of September through mid November. https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/plan/my-disney-experience/bands-cards/

There are many options for places to stay in Orlando, but staying on property not only gives you the benefit of Disney transportation to the parks, but you can also participate in ‘extra magic hours.’ Each park is planned to either open an hour early or stay open later and you can only stick around if you’re staying on property. And yes, they do check! It’s a great way to get in a character appearance or ride that had longer lines earlier in the day because the crowd thins out a bit. https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/guest-services/extra-magic-hours/

Staying on property also enables you to ‘ship’ your store purchases to your resort so you’re not stuffing your stroller full of bags. At the checkout, you tell the cashier which resort you’re staying in, fill out a form and the next day, your packages will be in your resort’s gift shop for you to conveniently pick up.

I happen to be a photo junkie. My family calls my photo editing “doing pictures.” My Disney memories are, by far, my favorite photos to edit and go through. In addition to your own camera, Disney offers a Photo Pass service. In many locations around the parks you will find professional photographers to take your picture, with everyone included in your party, in front of the most scenic areas. The pictures are all downloaded onto your magic band and can be viewed and purchased at Photo Pass stations in the parks or online for a period of time after your trip. The photos can get a bit pricey, so picking and choosing is always a good option. Disney also offers a Memory Maker package that can be purchased before or during your trip. It’s a little cheaper to purchase ahead of time. For one price, it includes every picture taken in all the parks, plus the pictures that are taken on some of the larger roller coasters, which can cost even more than the regular pictures. It’s around $200 but if you add up the cost of the pictures, it’s actually a better deal if you choose to do it. https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/memory-maker/

If all this planning makes your head spin, there’s nothing that says you can’t just wing it while you’re there. The planning helps you do and see the most for your money, but there is always something to be said for spontaneity.  We plan Disney year-round, but some of my favorite memories have been meals on the go purchased from little stands, eaten on a bench overlooking the lagoon and fireworks viewed from partially behind a light pole with my then toddler’s diaper completely full. But seeing those fireworks light her face next to her fathers’ who’d just returned home to us after 12 long months of deployment was priceless. Making memories is what a Disney vacation is all about!

Tomorrow is it! Your last day to take a drag off that last cigarette; gorge on homemade fudge and sit gleefully on the couch with not a care in the world.

Enjoy it, for Wednesday, it begins. The first day of your New Year's Resolution. But will you keep it?

Not to bum you out, but according to statisticians, the answer is a resounding, no.

The number crunchers at www.staticbrain.com said in 2014 only 8 percent of people who set a resolution goal achieved it.

The good news may be that the younger you are, the better your chances. Of those who set goals, they said, 39 percent of those who achieved them were in their 20s.

That may be because people set some pretty lofty resolution goals. According to staticbrain.com these are the top 10 resolutions set in 2014:

1. Lose weight

2. Get organized

3. Spent less, save more

4. Enjoy life to the fullest

5. Stay fit and healthy

6. Learn Something exciting

7. Quit Smoking

8. Help others in their dreams

9. Fall in love

10. Spent more time with family

Want to make your resolution stick? The American Psychological Association has a great page of tips to help you make it past Jan. 5. Their number one hint: set easier, small goals. A resolution is about a change in lifestyle and behavior, not a huge, character change.

The group quotes psychologist Lynn Bufka, PhD who says, "Setting small, attainable goals throughout the year, instead of a singular, overwhelming goal on January 1 can help you reach whatever it is you strive for."

See the rest of her list to help you keep that resolution here: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/resolution.aspx

Good luck!

If you’ve survived newborn babies and cramming for courses, chances are you’ve pulled a few all-nighters. You know how miserable it feels to drag yourself through waking hours on far too little sleep.

And if you’re like 95 percent of Americans, you’ve experienced insomnia at some point. One in 10 suffers from chronic insomnia, according to Athena Stroud, RPSGT, from the Penrose St. Francis Sleep Disorder Center in Colorado Springs. The CDC considers insufficient sleep to be a public health epidemic.

“People who have problems (sleeping) don’t always know it,” Stroud said. “The only way you know if you’re getting a good night’s sleep is how alert you are during the day, and some people really don’t know how sleepy they really are.”

If your normal pattern of resting and rising isn’t giving your body enough time to recharge, you’ll have problems concentrating. You may even find yourself nodding off behind the wheel. Stroud cited a statistic from NTSA that estimated 100,000 traffic accidents resulting in 1,500 deaths and 71,000 injuries are caused by drowsy drivers every year.

“(Lack of sleep) makes you a less effective driver,” she said. “Of course it’s going to make you a less effective studier.”

For many of us, the hours between 1-3 p.m. can be drowsy ones. Stroud says that’s when our core body temperatures drop slightly just like it does before we go to sleep at night. Stroud recommends you schedule study and other cognitive-dependent activities outside of that window.

“We live in a society where the more you do on less sleep, it’s almost like bragging rights for some people,” she said. “It’d be nice if we could do siestas in the afternoon. It’d be much more helpful and make people more productive.”

Each of us is different, but most adults need about 7.5 hours of sleep per night, she said. To gauge your sleep health, Stroud recommends you pay attention to your sleep inertia, that first 30 minutes after you wake up to full alertness.

“If you don’t feel refreshed (after that first half hour), you probably didn’t get a great night’s sleep,” she said.

And if you find yourself reaching for lots of caffeinated beverages, that’s another sign your sleep may be off even if you’re going down and waking up in roughly eight-hour intervals.

“It’s not all about the hours of sleep, it’s about the quality of sleep,” Stroud said. “If you have some kind of sleep issue going on, it can fragment your sleep giving you poor quality sleep, which basically is sleep deprivation regardless of the hours you spend in bed.”

Common disorders include sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome and insomnia.

“Insomnia is the biggest and most common sleep disorder,” she said. “When you’re juggling what you’re studying and you’re working and you have kids and you’re stressed, stress can bring on insomnia.”

To combat wakeful moments in bed, Stroud suggests you get out of it. Don’t lie there worrying about how much sleep you’re missing and all you have to do. Get up and do a mundane task like loading the dishwasher or folding laundry. Once you’re sleepy, go back to bed. Don’t watch TV or get on the computer – the light from the screen is stimulating rather than sleep-inducing, she said.

“Electronics have caused a lot of insomnia,” Stroud said. “Don’t get up and do your homework.”

She also recommends reserving the bedroom for sleep and sex only.

“You don’t want to be doing your online classes in your room,” Stroud said.” You’ll start to associate that with your work.”

To set the stage for good sleep, keep your room cool and dark. Got to bed and get up at the same time every day – including weekends. If you have trouble relaxing enough to get to sleep, Stroud suggests you keep a note pad by your bed and writing down all the things that worry you. For some, that’s an effective way to set problems aside for the night, she said.  

If you’re still not getting the rest you need, consider a sleep checkup.

“If you’re in bed and you’re sleeping for eight hours and you’re not refreshed, it’s not a bad idea to see your doctor to check for sleep disorder or the potential for one,” Stroud said.

Marna Ashburn remembers a Christmas party years ago where she and her soldier husband brought a bottle of wine.

And the hosts gave it right back to them.

They didn’t drink alcohol, Ashburn, author of “64 Easy Answers About Etiquette for the Modern Military Spouse,” said.

Christmas gift-giving can be stressful. Sometimes it can be double when you are choosing the right gift for a member of your husband’s military unit. With that in mind, it’s always a good idea to “consider your recipient’s tastes when you select a gift,” Ashburn said.

The holidays can be a stressful time, as most military spouses are be invited to a barrage of parties, gatherings and command events. There’s plenty of opportunities to give gifts, dress-up and have fun.  But the pressure can be confusing and overwhelming, too.

“It’s important to keep the spirit of etiquette in mind, which is simply to act with politeness and sensitivity towards others. This comes pretty naturally to most of us once we remind ourselves to make it a priority, especially during the holiday season,” she said.

Ashburn said you don’t have to give anyone in your spouses’ command a gift, but it is a nice time of year to show you appreciate them.  A nice note and a “small token” are a great start.

“This is a wonderful tradition, which I urge everyone to consider,” she said.

People love to be acknowledged and are often genuinely touched by the sentiment.

“What people crave most is to feel relevant, and you can accomplish this with a sincere and simple gesture,” she said.
 

Terri Barnes, an Air Force wife for almost 30 years and the editor of “Stories Around the Table: Laughter, Wisdom, and Strength in Military Life,” said the key to kind gift-giving is to know the people you and your spouse work with. 

“Etiquette isn’t about making ourselves feel good; it’s about making others feel good, said Barnes, author of “Spouse Calls: Messages from a Military Life” and the writer of a weekly column for Stars and Stripes with the same name.

Homemade treats are always a safe bet, Ashburn added.

She has a grab-bag of ideas she draws from everywhere, including a small bag of homemade fudge, small loaves of apple cake, layered cookie mixes in a mason jar, a stack of sugar cookies, shortbread and white and dark chocolate bark.

Tie it up with a pretty holiday ribbon, and it can make a very elegant gift, similar to something right out of a catalogue, but much more thoughtful and affordable because it’s homemade, Ashburn said.

You don’t have to bake, she added.  You can make cinnamon ornaments with Christmas cookie cutters, glitter paint and raffia.

“I’ve also planted amaryllis bulbs, available at the commissary, in pots right after Thanksgiving. By Christmas, they’re just about to bloom, and they make spectacular holiday gift for under 10 dollars,” she said.

Being practical is a wise choice when selecting gifts, too, Barnes said.

“Anyone can use an extra kitchen towel, a pot holder, a package of holiday disposable napkins and some biscotti,” she said.

You can never go wrong with some nice coffee or a small Starbucks gift card, she added.

Barnes always sends Christmas cards to her fellow military families and friends, including those in her husband’s chain of command.

“It’s the thought of the card that’s important, and it doesn’t add to their household,” she said.

Single service men and women often enjoy a little bag of treats, too, Barnes and Ashburn added.

“One unit got a local company to donate all the candy to do this. Or, buy some candy, or make cookies, portion it out, and wrap with party cellophane. Have fun with it,” Ashburn said.

Barnes said she makes sure that all single service members also have at least one invite for the holidays, so they don’t have to spend the holidays alone if they don’t want to.

“It’s all about the relationship,” Barnes added.

Whatever you do, keep it as simple as you can, Ashburn adds.

“Other years, I went crazy making handmade gifts, baked goods, and other Martha Stewart-esque endeavors and stressed myself out. I learned to scale back. Now I keep a file of easy tried-and-true ideas. It’s also a good idea through the year to maintain a “gift drawer” where you store items you come across which make perfect any-occasion presents,” she said.

You also can use those “gift drawer” items as back-ups in case you forget the office gift-exchange, for instance, she said.

Personally, Ashburn enjoys the sentiment and personal nature of an ornament.

“Ornaments, which relate to particular duty stations or units, are great because they are small, easily stored and moved, and each year when you unpack them, you also unwrap a cherished memory,” she added.

For work parties or Family Readiness Group gatherings, Ashburn sticks to a quality scented candle.

Some parties feature gift exchanges where you recycle old or funny gifts, often called “White Elephant” or “Green Santa” gift exchanges.

“It’s like a big yard sale where everybody brings their unwanted trash and leaves with new treasures,” Ashburn said.

She remembers one such party where someone wrapped up a foosball table, and the person who unwrapped it was thrilled.

Just don’t bring something “vulgar or in poor taste,” she said.

That and any gift that seems “ostentatious or expensive” are big no-nos when it comes to holiday gift-giving, she said.

When it comes to holiday behaviors, ostentatious behavior would also be inappropriate, too.

Drinking too much and discussing volatile and divisive issues, like politics and religion, aren’t a good idea, Ashburn said.

“Most units or commands have some sort of holiday get together, usually for families as well,” she said.

If you can attend, you should, Barnes said.

“I see so many young spouses so afraid to attend something because they don’t know the ground rules,” she said.

Barnes said that you should familiarize yourself with the basic etiquette before attending the party so you can have fun.  Knowing the rules is actually very “freeing,” Barnes said.

Some good rules of thumbs for all holiday parties are to always RSVP, see if you can bring an appetizer or something to share, and find out the dress code well in advance, Ashburn said.

“Remember ‘informal’ is considered a suit or dress. Casual usually means khakis or nice trousers but not jeans,” she said.

If it’s a private party or at a private residence, you should bring a small hostess gift and write a handwritten thank-you note after the fact.

Throwing your own party isn’t always necessary, either.

“December is a busy time for everyone with shopping, shipping, school programs, decorating, baking, and the like.  Adding another event to the calendar might be ill-advised,” Ashburn said.

She suggests waiting till the following months and doing a Super Bowl or Valentine’s Day party.

However, if you do have a party, she said you need to send out very early invitations and, like gift-giving, keep it simple.

“We don’t want people feeling excluded, especially during the holidays, so pick your parameters,” so, for instance, just invite everyone in your spouses’ unit or just the FRG, she said.

“It doesn’t have to be a white-glove event,” Barnes said.

One of Barnes’ favorite command Christmas parties took place when she and her husband, a chaplain, were stationed overseas.  They had a simple party with Christmas cookies in the chapel, and then the entire party went into the barracks and dorms and sang Christmas carols.

“It was something very special. My kids remember it, and they were little at the time,” she said.
 

We are preparing for our first real family vacation, a trip that is not traveling for a holiday to see family for once. And boy, it couldn’t come at a better time.

We just got word that my husband will be going to a four-month school in Virginia, about five hours away, starting shortly after the New Year. Some much needed family time away is exactly what we need!

A year ago, the thought of four months solo with my kids would have sent me into a 2-year-old style tantrum. Today, however, I am in the middle of not really having any emotion and being totally okay with it.

For one, plans are always changing. Next week my husband could be headed to a different country. You really never know!! So, as a seasoned military wife now, I have learned to just go with it and deal with it when he is driving or flying away.

The other part of me that is okay with it feels that way because what other choice do I have? I know my husband doesn’t want to go away, but he doesn’t have a choice if he wants to stay competitive with his peers. In order to move up and be promoted (and continue to provide for our family) he has to have certain things checked off his career list.

I could be mad and aggravated but that won’t get me anywhere except make our life miserable. And, we need his job and for him to do well to provide some type of security. So, we do what we always do, we will roll with it!

Not quite sure how we will manage but we will! We always do!

The future after this school is unknown, so its ironic that knowing my husband will be away for a few months is the only certainty that we have for now. I do not want to think about PCSing yet or a deployment so I will take this news as a blessing and make the best of it.

We will be able to travel to see him if the going gets rough and that is hardly ever a possibility in this lifestyle. Until then, we will soak in our family time and continue the way we always do - one day at a time.

This holiday season, shop local.

And by that, I mean support military spouse small business owners. The best part is, that makes the entire world local.

Start by visiting your local installation. Many have craft shops where spouses and military members have handmade artwork for sale. Often there are military spouse-run gift shops too that carry both local treats and military-themed gifts.

The spouse-operated shop at NAS Pearl Harbor, for example, has fantastic finds for much lower prices than in downtown Honolulu. It was, in fact, one of my favorite places to shop while we were stationed there.  Most of these shops also use part of their profits to fund programs for military families on base. It's a win, win!

Next stop, the internet.

Most military spouses carry their home-grown businesses with them when they PCS which means consumers can buy from them anywhere in the world.

A great place to start is the Red, White & Blue Pages, run by the Military Spouse Business Association. You can search by location or business category and you will find everything from realtors to fashion accessories - all made, sold and managed by military spouses.

Find the page at http://www.redwhiteandbluepages.org/

A Facebook search of military spouse unveils hundreds of pages that spouses have dedicated to their businesses. One of our favorites is Shop Military Spouse Made, a page that culls the information of military spouse crafters and make shopping easy. This group also has a website with a full directory: http://shopmilitaryspousemade.wordpress.com/

At www.etsy.com you will also find thousands of military spouses and their handmade goods. This search takes a little more time, however. Type "military spouse" in the search bar and it will bring up vendors, items, everything military spouse related. If you click on the individual vendor to learn more about them, many of the military-themed items are handcrafted by military spouses.

I just ordered an awesome, handmade yard sign from a Marine Corps spouse in California who I discovered on Etsy. Doing business with her was a breeze. We chatted via email like we knew each other for years.

That is the joy of checking off your holiday to do list by shopping at spouse-run businesses. They know you. They have experienced the same hardships. They  have experienced the same joys. And when you walk into their business you already have a friend.

Shop local this holiday. Support your fellow military spouses!

By Tiffany Shedd

My family has recently reached several milestones. It has been over a year since my son has had a seizure. And soon after, he turned two and began transitioning into a toddler. With both of these has come a lot of changes in our day to day routines.

We weaned him off one of his two medications. We are starting to discuss coming off the last medication as well. And as any parent of a toddler will tell you, this transition can be drastic.

Your sweet baby is starting to develop some definite opinions and tastes, but may not be able to express them quite yet. With my son that means a lot of, “uh uh” noises and falling on the floor in tantrums of despair when we don’t immediately figure out what he wants.

Just like our family, the Exceptional Family Member Program has recently gone through some transitions, to include an update to the Education Directory for Children with Special Needs. If you’re unfamiliar with this program it provides information about services and tools available for children all around the country.

As part of the upgrades, the program was divided into two sections: Early Intervention (birth to 3 years old) and School Age Children (3-21). With the division, it makes it easier for parents for children in both age groups to find services best suited for their child and their needs.

The Early Intervention (EI) Services directory breaks down resources by state. Each state’s page will give you information about providers, potential costs and even information about parental training. My family has made great use of the Early Intervention services in Maryland. My son took part in testing with our county's Infants and Toddlers program to make sure that his hearing was not an issue. He was also tested to see if his speech development was delayed or not. Thankfully, his epilepsy hasn’t caused any delays in his development. But for families where this is not the case, you will be able to find out what services are available in your area. Even if your child isn’t eligible for services through the early intervention program, they will be able to point you toward resources that will help your child.

For older children, the School Age Program will be more useful for you. It is broken down by state, just like the EI program, but the focus is on school districts and programs that are more educationally oriented. This includes Educational Definitions of Disabilities, which can differ from state to state, information about their specific service support structures, secondary transitions, and much of the same basic information provided in the EI program.

Moving from state to state as a military family is already a daunting task, but when you have to figure out how to get your child the services that they need and are entitled to it adds even more stress. Having access to the Educational Directory for Children with Special Needs can take some of that stress away by putting all the information you need at your fingertips. It’s available online and you can also download it as a PDF to any of your devices. My husband has already started prepping me for the possibility of a move in the next year, so I know that I will be bookmarking their site myself.

These past few months I’ve been investing quite a bit in a local non-profit I work for.

Lots of time. Lots of effort. Lots of printer ink and paper.

I am so proud of how large and successful we have become and how many families we have helped affect.

I feel we make an important the difference.

But then, I lay in bed, tired after teaching a community class or working a table at a community event, and I realize that all this work and growth and sacrifice I’ve made won’t matter in just two years.

Because, we will move. The Navy will have another life and base and community for us, and this small town and non-profit will be another piece of my past.

And that’s it.

A proud piece of it, maybe. 

But I won’t see what happens to this organization. I won’t see if it will keep going, grow more, fall or fly.  I won’t see if anyone remembers me. If they miss me. If they miss my impact.

In fact, because we live in such a military town, I’m not sure the current families we work with will even be here to remember my presence in the non-profit either.

While there is something to be said about the benefits of not putting down permanent roots in a town I have no particular attachment to, it is sad that I don’t get to see the mark I made in years to come.

And, it’s interesting. Long-standing institutions here – churches, recreation centers, city council – have high turnover. Non-profits are led by and serve entirely new populations from one year to the next.

It’s hard not to get discouraged and wonder why I’m up two hours too late in the evening working on non-profit tax paperwork, exhausted, when I’m not sure I’ll even make a long-term difference.

And yet, I keep going. Two-and-a-half years into it, I’m still going.

Why?

Because no matter what, I care. I care about this community, temporary home though it may be. I care about my neighbors and fellow mothers and babies and kids. I care that others reach their goals, and I care that this non-profit remain financially solvent, despite being totally run on donations.

My husband’s job in the Navy will always keep us moving, but that doesn’t mean I stop having interests or beliefs. And the extroverted helper inside of me always wants to come out.

So I keep going.

After all, just because I’m a Navy wife, doesn’t mean I don’t care.

 

On any given day at my house, you might find stacks of school uniform outfits, laid out on a dresser in a row; piles of bagged, cut carrots in the fridge; sticky notes covering the coffee pot, or a grocery bag on my front door, containing an extra leotard and tights, accompanied by a quick text regarding its whereabouts.

This is what a two-career house looks like. And as more and more military spouses join the workforce this is what the homefront is beginning to look like.

Since my husband is not currently deployed or gone for training, after his work day is done, he often plays Mr. Mom while I work.

Our daughter chooses from the outfits for herself and he packs the carrots in her lunch.

The grocery bag on the door? That’s for days when even the best laid plans go awry. Long duty hours for him and long night shifts for me means sometimes, we forget things. The extra dance clothes hanging on the door for our daughter are there to remedy that situation fast.

As a nurse, my hours at the hospital are long, but I’ve been blessed to find a reliable college-age babysitter/friend who can pick up my daughter after school, help her change and drive her to dance when my husband and I are both at work. And, during deployments and several week-long trainings when I become “quasi single parent,” this sitter has been a God send.

However, this well-oiled machine didn’t always exist.

After years of wanting to go back to school to earn a second degree, I officially began classes in preparation for nursing school during my husband’s first deployment. Our daughter was two-years-old. I had many good friends who helped me during that transitional time of not only attending classes, but also carving out study time. 

I also came to rely on two great resources the Army provides: FCC homes (Family Child Care) and the CDC (Child and Family Development Center). During deployments, both of these entities offer discounted hourly childcare rates and my daughter was not only in good hands, but she was spending time with other children while I was in class. The best part was that all of the times could be scheduled well in advance and I knew I wouldn’t have to worry about where she would go on the morning of my latest big anatomy test. 

Once my husband returned, he was a great help, but even he couldn’t always predict his schedule, so the friends and the Army resources came to my rescue again. Once our daughter started school, things became a bit easier, but that’s when the babysitter hunt began, since we don’t live close enough to base to use the Army services after school.

Our sitter, who is the daughter of a dear soldier friend, helped me through countless weeks of my husband’s out of town trainings, courses and another deployment so that I could finish school, while knowing our daughter was safe and happy.

These days, our sitter still helps out. She does pickups on days that I work, she wrangles our daughter’s hair into a bun and untangles her ballet tights so she can get them on and into first position by 5:30 p.m. I also have a friend who I can drop off my daughter with at 0530 so I can get to work and she can ride to school with their family, if my husband is away. Since her husband is a soldier too, my friend not only understands, but allows me to reciprocate whenever I can. Some days I leave the school with my own daughter and her two, as well.

Besides our fabulous sitter and amazing friends, I find that being organized and planning ahead is the key to the madness of having a military dad and a working mom. I wash and fold like a maniac on my day off. I spend more time on Pinterest and in food magazines than I like to admit, but I’m constantly planning out menus for our family.

My husband is an excellent cook and he provides me with many a delicious meal when I return home after a long shift, but I always keep meals in the freezer and use my crockpot at least weekly for those days when we both arrive home tired and hungry.

And when it’s just “us girls,” our freezer meals are just the right size for the two of us to defrost and eat in front of a movie while we wait for Skype time with Daddy.

Somehow, amidst the craziness of work and school, exercise is another way I survive. With all the planning, washing and driving, I find time for myself by running. Even when my daughter was a baby, I strapped her into the jog stroller, leashed up our dog and hit the sidewalks in our neighborhood. Now, I run either when she’s at school or early in the mornings on the weekends when my husband is home. Running is not just a way to stay active for me, it’s a sanctuary I can go to when my mind just needs to work things through.

Multi-tasking is a way of life for any working family. My cooking usually incorporates homework time with my daughter. Sometimes exercise is done together as a family. Folding and prepping those clothes for the week is often done during family movie time. I’m happy with the way it’s all come together for now.

But soon, our babysitter will graduate from college, another deployment is on the horizon, and I’ll have to “change the oil in our machine.” I’ll never forget how much my friends were there for me in the beginning though, and still are today.

When I think of this crazy Army lifestyle, it reminds me of a line from the old song by the Beatles, “I get by with a little help from my friends…” And, you know? I wouldn’t have it any other way.