Happy February everyone!

I am happy to report that we officially have new orders! We’re off to Jacksonville, North Carolina.

It’s such a relief to know where our next adventure will be. I cannot tell you how good it feels to know there is an end to our current living situation. I know I haven’t given many details as to why I am so miserable in our house on base or our mouse hole as I nicknamed it. But I don’t think it’s important anymore. Because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

I know Jacksonville and Camp Lejeune aren’t special to most people. For those of you familiar with Camp Lejeune, you probably wonder, why is this girl so excited to move there? Many of my friends certainly have asked that question – and then followed it up with their very blunt, not so nice, opinions about our soon to be home.

At first the negative feedback brought me down. But then I decided while it isn’t going to be paradise, we will make the best of it. After all, we’re a military family and that’s all we can do.

I am not trying to win the award for most positive military spouse here. Don’t get me wrong, PCSing twice in a year stinks.

Living in San Diego was a sweet deal and we have been lucky to have been there for our first duty station. But we have come to terms with leaving our paradise even if Jacksonville holds no comparison.

We were dealt a certain hand and this is how we are choosing to make the most of it: looking ahead with a clean slate and an open mind, and most importantly, being together as a family.

A new duty station, regardless of location, is a new beginning. For us, it is also a chance for our family to regain some normalcy and stay put for a while.

As much as I appreciate the helpful, and not so helpful, information about our next home, I am anxious to find out for myself what it has to offer. I know that will mean going outside my comfort zone, and outside the base, to find the good stuff. And, that is exactly what I intend to do.

Bring it on North Carolina, we are ready for you!

Day one of my New Year’s resolution to schedule more “me time” started halfway through the month of January. Better late than never, I suppose.

My original plan was to put my son in preschool. He has never had a babysitter or been away from me other than to visit family. I felt like we needed to start getting him comfortable in a school environment. However, I quickly learned one day a week of preschool costs the same as a one-month family gym membership. I had to choose.

I chose me. I chose the gym. And that meant a new morning routine for all of us.

We woke up for that first new morning at 7:30 a.m. after a night up and down tending to cranky, non-sleepy tots.

Exhausted, we all scrambled to get ready for my “free” personal training session scheduled at 9 a.m. I have a few years of experience in personal training and health coaching so I know what to do when it comes to working out, but a free session came with my membership and I figured it couldn’t hurt.

As we dashed out the door, I almost forget to feed myself and I know one of us forgot to brush our teeth, though I’m still not sure if it was me or my son. And, I didn’t get in a much-needed cup of coffee either. But in the car we went!

We barely got off base and my son was crying to go home. I explained to him our new, fun routine and the kids he will get to play with at the gym nursery. He was not convinced, I already felt guilty for being selfish and taking “me time.”

But I need this. We need this. So I kept driving.

Day care at the gym is awesome. There were a few tears but by the time I made it out of the locker room, he was playing. Sweet! Off to my workout I went.

The trainer looked like she graduated high school yesterday. After a few fumbles and mislabeling of muscle groups and exercises, I realized this girl has no idea what she is doing. So, I hurried the appointment along. Nice girl, but a waste of my time.

It’s been an hour and my mommy guilt started kicking in. I checked in at the day care and, sure enough, my oldest is hysterical. It’s almost lunch and naptime so it seems like a good time to leave.

“Me time” at the gym and two napping kids - could I be so lucky?

No. The rest of our day was a nightmare. 

No naps and total meltdowns by both boys. And, is it possible to catch cooties after one day in daycare because while putting the baby to bed he sounded congested and snotty.

The rest of the day was a blur. I didn’t even shower until I was ready to crawl in bed. I thought to myself, “am I supposed to do this all over again tomorrow?”

Yes.

I remind myself this is new for all of us and it will take time to get used to. I cannot give up yet.

Giving up is too easy.

So, with the little energy I had left, I pack our bags and get ready for tomorrow.  I had gone through much harder things during the course of our military life and survived. One bad day was not going to stop me.

Sometimes, as a military wife and mom, I feel like I am preparing for my own war every day.  I am not sure what the day will bring but all I can do is prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

But one thing is for sure. I can never, ever give up.

Day two, bring it on!

The holidays always mean craziness for our family and this year was no different. But as I look back through the hustle and bustle I can say it was, and always has been, worth it.

As much as I complain about the packing, driving, running around seeing family and unpacking I would not have it any other way. As a military family, we are not used to being near our families for most holidays but Christmas is the one time we make it a point to come “home.”

Home is Buffalo, NY, where my husband and I grew up 30 minutes away from each other. We spend a lot of time running between both sides of the family when we make it back to visit. With two kids, that is not an easy feat!  

It’s a little stressful but what family doesn’t feel that holiday craziness, military or not. We are not sure where we will live next year or if it will be possible to come home so it felt extra special to be with our families this year.

With the holidays over I have been reflecting a lot about the past year and looking toward what 2013 will have in store for us. At this time last year we had just told our families we were expecting again. At the time I was nervous and stressed about having kids 20 months apart. I couldn’t comprehend such a big change to our lives.

But here we are. Six months have flown by and I feel like life has been this way forever.  Not only are we a family of four but we unexpectedly moved across country and will be moving again in a few short months. We have no idea where we are going and there is a possibility our family will be apart for a few months as we make the move.  

Most people think this roller coaster of uncertainty would be enough to drive you crazy. But somehow I feel no stress at all (for now). Maybe it’s because we’ve gone through this whole moving and not knowing where we are going thing before.

Answers that were supposed to come in January are now pushed back to February. We are supposed to move in May so I suppose as long as I know by then we should be ok.

My calmness could also be because I just don’t have the time or energy to be stressed about something so out of my control.  My kids were sick through the holidays while we were away from our house and being away with sick, booger-covered kids is absolutely insane and not fun.  Now, I am just waiting for it to hit the adults in the house. Because, let’s face it, a sick husband (especially a sick Marine) is 100 times worse than a sick kid.  My husband has so much work to do outside of his normal work hours he should probably just move to the library until the sickness has past, for his own safety.

Right now, I am in survival mode and feel like I’m running on a hamster wheel.

But, it’s a new year for this military family and a chance to learn from our experiences and make new memories.  Another move means more “see you laters” but also new friends and new opportunities for our family.

I am looking forward to implementing my New Year’s resolutions (taking care of me!) and making a new home for us, where ever that may be.

Anyone who knows me and our current living situation knows how excited I am to have a new home!  At this time next year, we could easily be faced with a deployment. So for now, I am going to sit back and enjoy the crazy roller coaster - boogers and all.

It’s nearing Christmas time and I’ve begun thinking about my new year’s resolution.  I’m not one to make resolutions, usually. It has always seemed a little silly to wait for a certain time of the year to make changes or better myself.  But this year, I have a few simple goals to work on once the busy holidays are over.

Like most moms (and awesome military spouses) I put my family first. I run around taking care of everyone and everything else.  And although I make a small amount of time each week to go to the gym, I never, ever, ever take a break outside of that time.

With no grandparents or family nearby to help, being new to base and PCSing again in a few months, I am not one to ask for help with my kids. Whether it’s a doctor appointment or errands, my kids come with me.  That’s just the way it’s always been. My kids are my responsibility.

But, I am realizing (after some very long and tough days) I cannot do it all, all the time.  I have days when my patience is non-existent and I am just going through the motions to get through the day. I am not afraid to say that the TV can be our best friend. But we need a change.

The military offers so many awesome resources and I am almost a little embarrassed that I have not taken advantage of them. I enjoy spending time at home with my boys. However, in short order I have had a second baby, a cross-country move, my oldest hit his terrible twos and I feel like I am going a little crazy. It’s almost impossible to keep it all together, all the time.  

I am lucky enough to have my husband home and for him to be an awesome hands on dad. He’s also not afraid to do the laundry or clean a bathroom. But, some days I am still struggling. I beat myself up thinking I must just be terrible at this whole stay-at-home mom/military wife thing.

I have met some amazing women here, including many who have similar challenges: new babies, 2-year-olds, approaching PCS. Some of them have babysitters, another brings her daughter to preschool once a week and a few of the women take advantage of the hourly care provided on base at the Child Development Center.

Holy moly! These women are awesome moms and take time for themselves. My kids have only ever been cared for by family, when they visit us. But the reality is, that isn’t often enough. Asking for help or taking a few hours to myself here and there does not make me a bad mother.

Whoa! There it is. I realize why I have put off asking for help for so long. I have tried to do it all because asking for help might mean I have failed at my job as a mom. Not true.

Help and resources for military families are available for a reason. We cannot do it alone and this lifestyle is not for the weak.  A happy mom who takes care of herself will make for a happy family. Things are going to get more complicated down the line when my husband is back in the fleet and deploys. I have to learn to stop spreading myself thin and just ask for help.

So there it is. Starting in 2013 I am going to look into hourly care for my kiddos and start taking care of myself. I’m going to start using more of the resources the military has to offer. Check in on me in the New Year to see if I can do it!

Special wishes for a safe holiday season to you all. This military family always has the men and women who are deployed in our thoughts and prayers as they are away from their families during this time of year. Special thanks to you all!

I have to admit that I have been struggling to write lately.

My military life has been pretty calm, compared to the usual for military families. Most of my craziness stems from being a stay at home mom of two boys under two and all the chaos that comes with that.

However, this weekend we were slapped with some news that reminded me how you never know what the military will throw at you.

It's now December which marks the halfway point of my husband's school. We have five more months left here. Orders will be out in January but there are some families who already have theirs (that never happens for us).

My husband has been talking, networking and interviewing like crazy. He is anxious to figure out where we are going and what he'll be doing. In an earlier post I mentioned that we had been given several choices but it was frustrating to have the responsibility and control over our own duty station.

Be careful what you wish for people!!

We decided that Tampa was our first choice for a variety of reasons and just had to wait out a few weeks for the monitor to draw up orders. My husband checks on the jobs/billets available pretty regularly (probably more like obsessively) and was shocked to learn the billets available in Tampa were no longer there. For whatever reason, they are gone. Needless to say we were, and still are, crushed.

We had started looking at the area, at homes and had made plans to visit in March with realtors. We made the rookie mistake of jumping in too soon and too fast.

Everyone knows things change a lot in this lifestyle. Until you get that official paperwork, you can't guarantee anything. We learned this with our first PCS. We were told we were going to Hawaii and when my husband was given physical orders it said San Diego. Never believe anything until you see it with your own eyes.

My first reaction was to message my best friend and complain and vent, so I did.

After, I wanted to clean. Our tiny townhouse drives me crazy. As we waited for orders, I was so anxious to know where we were going and focus on a new home that it made me forget how unhappy this house actually makes me.

But now, with Tampa off our list, I look around and everything about this house makes me mad. For some reason cleaning at that time made me feel better.

My husband and I talked about how crushed we were, as we began starting this process over. He looked at his other options on the list and we both felt empty. Job wise and location wise, nothing seemed to fit our needs and family right. The hardest part to swallow was everything now available for his MOS (job) was deployable, something we are not ready for.

I looked at my husbands face and I could see the sadness in his eyes. This was so much more then just getting a new home for him. This job in Tampa was more family time and it was taken from him.

My heart sank. It was incredibly selfish of me to be upset about the house. The weight of the world had been on his shoulders as he had to choose between career and family. He finally made his decision, after turning down other opportunities and now it was gone.

No control, no say and only a few weeks to go back to the drawing board and find something else. I can honestly say I do not care to be in his shoes and wish I could take away some of the disappointment.

So I've snapped myself out of my pity party. The whole situation is a good reminder that as a military wife (and family) this is what we do. I support my husband, try to be as flexible as possible and adapt to the changes and challenges presented to us.

People always ask me, as a military family, how we do it. To be honest, I don't know any other way. This is what we do. Make the best of what we are given.

It may not be easy but there a lot of things that could happen that are far worse. Being together as a family is my priority and I'll do what it takes because I love my husband and believe in what he does. I can suck it up a few more months in this old, small house and enjoy our "normal" life a few more months.

Our library on base is the hot spot for stay-at-home moms. There is story time for toddlers 3 to 4 days a week and includes music, story time and play time.

Traffic around northern Virginia can be pretty ugly so it’s nice to have a short drive to the library to break up our day. Plus, it’s free and a nice break for me while someone else entertains my boys.

We’ve made a lot of our friends there and I am grateful for this little weekly routine.  However, I didn’t have the best impression when we PCS’d here.

I guess I should start from the beginning. When we were new to base, my son was 18-months-old and I was very pregnant and adjusting to east coast humidity. We spent a lot of time going to story time in the air conditioning. My son loved it and I looked forward to a little adult conversation.

Some days my son sat along with everyone else on the colorful carpet and sang along. Other times were rougher. Like a typical toddler he’d run around the library and get a kick out of watching my very pregnant self chase him through the aisles.

Other times he would take a toy away from another child and scream the ever dreaded toddler phrase: “Mine!”

One time he even pushed a baby over. I was mortified.  My husband calls me “helicopter mom” because I am usually hovering over him, correcting and redirecting his every move.

Don’t worry, I have learned that those types of situations work themselves out and sometimes kids do better without the parent intervention. But we were new to base and I wanted to make friends. I did not want to be the mom with the wild boy who no one wanted to be friends with. For his and my sake!!

Right before I had the baby we took a small hiatus from the library. There had been a “situation.” Maybe I was hormonal but I took it pretty hard.

My little guy was playing in the puzzle area and saw two other boys a few months older than him playing and laughing together. He wandered over and tried playing along. I was talking to a friend, just a few feet away and was watching to make sure my little guy didn’t do anything disruptive.

He tried to hug one of the boys and they both stumbled into the wall but didn’t fall. They actually laughed together and continued playing with this large puzzle. Then, the boy’s mother said, “Tell him you don’t want to play with him, he doesn’t play nice.”

I could not believe it. My mama bear instinct was ready to attack but I was speechless. My child is not perfect and I am pretty tough on him.  

Nothing had happened that deserved that type of reaction.

Was this mom really expecting her 2-year-old to repeat her compound sentence word for word? No. She was directing that at me - loud and clear.

I held in my tears (had to be hormonal) and bent down and told my son to say sorry (which at the time was only through baby sign language) and not hug so hard. I mean, what else was there to say?

I have seen these moms before and I am sure they witnessed some of our bad moments in the library, but, toddlers are still learning their boundaries and exploring. This was actually a good moment. What was wrong with these women?

I did not want to be friends with people like this. We stayed away from the library for several weeks.  I know we didn’t do anything wrong but it made me miserable. It was hard moving with a toddler and being pregnant but I was trying my best to be social and meet new people.

This situation made me miss my friends and our mommy group who didn’t judge us and loved my son for who he is – 100 percent rough and tough boy who also loved to hug and cuddle. I used this as a way to hate our new home.

I guess I’m dragging this on but the moral of the story is, don’t let one or two people ruin your experience in a new place. Since then, I have gone back to story time and met some amazing friends. I have learned to let go a little and let my son choose what he wants to do.

If he is having a wild morning, we may skip the library and go to the playground instead.  Plus, he has started attending gymnastics class where there is lots of space to run and jump. I have met other moms whose kids are the ones running around and taking toys from other kids and I smile with a sympathetic look that says “we’ve all been there.”

Being a mom new to base is hard and you never know what situation someone is in. We’ve only been on this base six months but military families are always coming and going. You never know who is looking for a new friend. So be welcoming and kind. Treating people (both adults and children) the way you want to be treated goes a long way.

This is not the blog I had intended for today but there are a few stories I have come across which I feel I must share with my fellow military spouses.

Recently, a fellow USMC wife and blogger (of a different military website) passed away at age 26 from complications after giving birth. She left behind an active duty Marine husband, a 4-year-old daughter and a newborn son. When I read this story my heart broke into a million pieces.

My heart breaks for her family and children, I cannot imagine their pain. I cannot help but ache for her husband and think about the anguish he is going through.  

Another story I have been following on Facebook is that of an Army soldier who was sent home from Afghanistan because his then 34-week pregnant wife fell into a coma.

Doctors delivered their baby prematurely via c-section. The baby is thriving but the mother is still in a coma. A soldier can train and prepare for war but how can they survive something like this?

As a military spouse, I admit I have thought about how I would survive if something happened to my husband during combat. Where we would go and who would help us?

I don’t want to let those dark thoughts enter my mind but that’s the reality of this lifestyle. It is a deep and dark fear that I do not often speak about but it happens to other families and I know it is a possibility.

Military members may think about that reality also as they leave behind the family that depends on them. That cannot be an easy pill to swallow either. We have all seen and heard the heartbreaking stories of pregnant wives and children who will never meet their hero father.

But very rarely do you hear the story of a soldier who loses his wife.

We prepare our wills and finances and have the “talk” when my husband goes off to war but never have we discussed what would happen to our family if I were not here.  Even after I experienced complications with the birth of my first son, we did not discuss what my husband would do if something happened to me. Who would take care of our children? Would my husband stay active duty?

My purpose for sharing these stories is simple: life is precious.  Don’t wait until the days before a deployment to spend special family time together.

Our military members are not the only ones who make sacrifices and we all work together in a military family to keep the household running smoothly. As spouses, we are important and loved and needed just as much as our military members.

Enjoy your families. Let your kids eat dessert before dinner. Let your husband throw his wet towel on the bed (my pet peeve).  Our future is not a guarantee.

With the start of the holiday season, I have started a month long challenge to write down something I am thankful for each day. As a military spouse, it is easy to get on the “Bitter Betty Bandwagon” as I call it and forget about the small things in life that I am lucky to have. More than anything, this challenge has helped me keep perspective on what matters most.

Along with the rest of the East Coast, we prepared for Hurricane Sandy.  As this historic storm roared in, my oldest son developed a high fever and sore throat. It all just seemed like crappy timing. 

As he became sicker, and the storm grew more serious, the stress in our house increased.  We needed extra groceries for the storm and we needed to get to the health clinic for medicine before the storm hit. 

Oh, and I just happened to have outpatient surgery the same day and wasn’t sure what to expect in my own recovery. To say the least, I had a few moments when I moaned and complained. 

Then, something snapped. This kind of stuff usually happens when my husband is deployed or away for training. It’s a running joke between my friends and me that as soon as the hubby leaves, something always breaks or falls apart. It’s just the nature of the beast and no amount of crying or complaining can change it. You learn to suck it up and push through.

This time, things were different. I had my husband home during the storm and my son’s illness; it was a nice change of pace. I had a teammate and we would get through it together. We watched the news as the storm hit and saw how many lives were lost and homes destroyed.

There were spouses and families out there who had to evacuate and prepare for this storm as their loved ones served our country across the world.  I had my husband with me and only experienced very mild rain and wind from Sandy. Soon, the weekend seemed a lot less scary and less stressful.

As military spouses, we go through a lot of ups and downs, but this unique lifestyle has given me some invaluable lessons. There is always someone out there who has it just a little bit harder. You don’t have to go far to see the tragic stories, just turn on the news.

When the tough gets going, I allow myself to go through the emotions. And then, usually pretty quickly, I realize I don’t have it so bad. I have my health, two beautiful children whose runny noses and sore throats will eventually go away, a husband who is home for the holiday season and a roof over our heads. Finding something small each day to be thankful for has reminded me of these blessings in the face of what seems like impending doom.  

This might just be something I continue to do each and every day, not just this time of year.

Our next PCS is consuming our lives right now.

Decisions have to be made sooner rather than later. It’s time to buckle down and have some serious discussions. I thought we had time to figure this out, but things are always changing. I shouldn’t be so surprised!

So many times these types of decisions have been out of our control and for once, the ball is in our court.  Picking a geographic location would be easy if we only had to consider the place.

But each location means a different job for my husband.  And each job has its pros and cons for our family. Instead of the original two options of Virginia or Florida, we have been given more options – which have really thrown us off.

With all of these different job opportunities, the big consideration is: where are the deployments and how long will we be apart? What is good for our family (no deployments) is not always the best for my husband’s career (combat billets).

I would almost rather have the Marine Corps decide for us, it would make things so much easier. We would have a future destination chosen and be able to begin researching our new area. Whatever difficulties came with the job we would handle. And if we were unhappy there, I could blame the Marine Corps instead of myself!

I am grateful that my husband includes me in these types of discussions and decisions.  Even though it’s his career, he respects my opinion. But ultimately, he has to be happy with what he is doing. 

As a military family, we learn to make a home wherever we go. Being together is what matters most, whether there are deployments or not. We were looking forward to another two years without combat deployments but some jobs have been presented to my husband which might be a once in a lifetime kind of deal. But these jobs also mean deployments. Considering future deployments brings lots of questions:

Could I handle being a single parent with a 1- and 3-year-old?

Would it be better for the boys if Dad was away while they were young or when they were older?

Would I stay on base or go back to New York to be with our families?

Would I go back to school or wait?

The list is endless. And I can’t help but think about our boys. At the end of our life, when our kids are grown and we are old and gray, will these sacrifices be worth it?

I am beginning to feel overwhelmed by it all. I really thought I would be able to focus on the right now. But this big decision is taking over us both.

We keep talking in circles. I hope in the next few days something will come along and steer us towards the right choice. In the mean time, I will keep on making our home here and prepare for our new home, wherever that may be.

Stay tuned.

As a mom and military wife, I wear a lot of different hats. But since having my first son two years ago, I have not been successful at wearing my just “me” hat.

I felt selfish for even thinking it but I needed a break! I even started daydreaming about grocery shopping by myself. I began each day with the best intentions but by the time my husband came home, I was fried.

By the end of the day, I am too exhausted to even think about doing anything except crawling into bed and sleeping before someone needs me again. Constantly taking care of everyone else started burning me out and I needed an outlet. Fast!

My husband has always been a morning person who is up at 5 a.m. for PT at work by 7 a.m. Most annoying for me was that he is always so chipper after his workouts.

There is nothing more annoying to a sleep deprived mom then a husband who just slept eight straight, uninterrupted hours and has the energy to work out and be happy. It was driving me crazy!

I tried to get back into running again but was having a hard time motivating myself at the end of the day. For some reason, my kids melt after 4 p.m. It’s a challenge to get dinner on the table by the time my husband is home. I just don’t see how I could leave the house during such chaos to be selfish. Then, I ran one morning before my husband left for work and it actually felt good!

My wonderful husband noticed and made me an appointment at the gym with a personal trainer at 5 a.m. on a Wednesday morning. My first reaction was to smack him. All I could think of was the sleep I would be missing!

But I didn’t want to cancel so that next morning, I woke up at 4 a.m. to be at the gym at 5. I was exhausted. The baby had been up twice and had just fallen back to sleep when I needed to walk out the door. I dragged myself to the gym. I was half asleep but I was there. I had a kick butt workout and afterwards, I felt amazing. I came home refreshed and ready to tackle the day!

It’s been about a month since I started this new routine and I cannot believe I am that person at the gym at 5 a.m.!  Don’t give me too much credit, though. I only get up that early a couple of times a week. I used to think people, like my husband who were exercising that early, were crazy.

Exercise has always made me feel better about myself. It’s a stress reliever and helps me make all around healthier choices. But at this point in my life, it’s not just exercise. Taking an hour a day, a few times a week lets me walk away from all of my different roles and let me be myself.

I can check out, knowing my kids are taken care of and focus on myself and my own thoughts. I come home refreshed and happy to see my family and start our day, even if the day goes downhill 20 minutes later with a terrible two meltdown. I still had my time and my workout and somehow I have more patience to get through that tantrum.

Working out at 5 a.m. may not be for everyone. Working out may not be your thing. But find what your thing is and make time for yourself.

Whether it’s an hour a week or an hour a day, don’t forget to put yourself as a priority. You cannot take care of everyone else and everything around you if you don’t take care of yourself.  It’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes. If I can do it, anyone can!