It’s that time again for us: time to talk about our next duty station.

I know, I know. How can we be talking and thinking about a new duty station when we just got here?! My thoughts, exactly.

But that’s what we military families do. So, like I have mentioned before, my husband is only here for school until May, 2013, so it’s time for him to start looking at his options and talking with his monitor about his next job or billet. The monitor is this mysterious person we talk about but someone I will never meet. And this stranger just so happens to control a huge part of my husband’s career which directly affects when and where our family goes. 

My husband called me during lunch one day this week and asked me if I liked Florida. I got a little excited because I thought he meant we were going on vacation. False. He spoke with his monitor and our new duty station was narrowed down to two choices: Tampa, Fl., or Virginia Beach, VA.

A little background information, neither of these are Marine Corps bases so I was a little unprepared for those options. You would think it would be great news to have it narrowed down to these two places but I feel like we are better off not knowing at all. We all know that information like this is useless until there are actual orders in your hand. We can’t really do anything to prepare for this move until its official and that won’t be until January or February.  

To be honest, I would almost rather not know! I should probably be grateful to know the two possibilities, but it is still frustrating. From now until February we will do our research and try hard not to fall in love with one place over the other to prevent disappointment.

I’m not sure how much say my husband has in the decision making process and maybe I am better off not knowing any of the discussions between he and his mysterious monitor. It seems like it would be a wonderful change in our lives to have some sort of control regarding our next move but, sometimes, it’s easier to have that decision made for you. That way if it’s a total bummer you have someone else to blame.  

But to be honest, both of these places are a win for us. Our very best friends, who became like family in California, are in Tampa now. And Virginia Beach was home to us before the Marine Corps entered our lives. We couldn’t be in a better position. It would just be nice to know where we are going as soon as possible.

So, we will keep adjusting to our current, “new” duty station as we prepare for another one. We could easily stress about another move but worrying about something that is not definite and could easily change doesn’t seem worth it right now.

I’ve learned that if I focus too much about where we are going or what our future holds, I miss out on the little things that are happening now.

And even though I may not be in love with where we are now, my family is together and there is nowhere else I would rather be then right here, right now.

This past week I left my comfort zone and tried to be the outgoing, play-date-planning military wife and stay at home mom.  A few other spouses have hosted coffees at their homes and I felt like it would be nice to return the favor.

In a perfect world, I would invite everyone to my home, have the kids paint pumpkins, serve homemade treats, coffee and put all my Pinterest ideas into action. But our home is so small we can’t even invite anyone over for dinner, let alone multiple people with multiple children. The truth was, the very thought of a busy play date made me anxious.

So instead of telling people, ‘Hey I’d love to have you over but our house is too small and I hate it and you’re so lucky you didn’t get stuck in this neighborhood’, I thought a neutral meeting place might work. I had taken my son to a local museum that had neat playgrounds, lots of space to run and benches where the moms could sit, drink coffee and chat. 

I emailed some of my husband’s colleagues’ wives and thought of the 15 or so ladies, a few would be able to make it. I’m always looking for ways to let my kids burn energy outside so it seemed like a great idea. I told my husband about my big play date and he was proud of me for taking initiative.

I guess I better stick to my day job of living vicariously through Pinterest because I feel like my play date was an epic fail.

I am thankful for the two women who came (thanks ladies!) but my son ended up acting like a total crazy kid. He not only put freshly fallen acorns into his mouth but rocks as well! He then washed it down by drinking puddles off the playground from the rain that had fallen the night before.  To top it off, he ran away from me and refused listen and follow directions.

I know he is a typical two-year-old and I have definitely learned to pick my battles with him, but this was a day when I wanted to scoop him up and take him home. Instead, I politely pulled him aside to tell him that we don’t put rocks in our mouths.  When I pictured being a mom, I never thought I would have these conversations with my kids! 

This all took place after I spilled the only bottle I brought for the baby in my diaper bag and soaked all the diapers.  And a hungry, wet 3-month-old is no fun for mom or anyone else. It was just one of those days when I felt like I am never going to figure this whole mom thing out! All I could think about was how to decide when it would be okay to leave and return to the comfort of my tiny house.

I left feeling not only like my play date was a total failure, but also that my kid will also be known as the rock eater and puddle drinker.

I guess it could be worse. I keep telling myself we tried and that’s what matters. Either way, I am going to stand back and let other people take over the play date planning for a while.

That’s if we ever get invited again.

Before I was a mom, I thought a stay at home mom’s day was full of play dates and happy hours (I was clueless and watched a lot of reality shows). How fun did that sound?

Reality hit me hard when I had my first baby. I was lucky if I showered before 9 p.m. every other day - let alone leave the house with a newborn for the first four months. He was up all night and slept all day.  And honestly, what could a newborn do on a play date?

I barely left the house the first few months. I felt like everyone in my neighborhood had older kids and could meet at the park or cul de sac to hang out together. Here I was a new mom, new to the neighborhood with a deployed hubby and all alone. 

I admit I was not the most social person and definitely struggled to have a positive attitude. Now looking back on it, I may have battled some mild baby blues and got sucked into my own little pity party.  Once my husband returned home from Afghanistan, I began to talk about my feelings and felt better. The older my son got, the easier things became - or maybe I just adjusted to the whole not sleeping thing finally. We ventured out of the house more and even joined a mommy group with babies the same age as mine and it was a life saver.  The busier we were, the better I felt!

So with this move and pregnancy, my husband and I agreed I needed to do the same - just get out there, join things and be social. I had every reason to be bitter - super pregnant, crazy toddler with four sets of stairs, no yard, 115 degree weather and an overworked husband. But I knew that would not do any good. So I was determined to jump right into things and be more social even though I really wanted to stay inside and pout.

We moved into our new neighborhood and within our first week here, everyone moved out of the surrounding houses. I am not exaggerating! Summertime is the busiest moving time for military families so although everyone was moving out, I knew eventually, families would begin to move in as well. Unfortunately that did not happen right away. I had to look further than my front porch to make friends.

Since we didn’t have a yard, we spent a lot of time taking walks to the park and pool on base. Lucky for me my almost 2-year-old is extremely talkative and social, which made it pretty easy to start conversations with other moms.  And an 8-months pregnant woman chasing a 2-year-old in 100 degree heat is hard to not feel sorry for so I received many questions about my due date, how I was feeling and if we were new to the area.

The great thing about other military spouses is that someone has always walked in your shoes and understands what you’re going through. It’s almost like an unspoken bond. They sympathize. Whether it was being at an uncomfortable stage with my pregnancy or having two babies so close together, I met so many other women who understood what I was going through and offered advice. It was much easier than I thought and I am so grateful there are so many wonderful families on our base.

Now that we have some new friends and have started to fill our days with story time, gymnastics and play dates I can definitely say that getting out and being busy is the way to survive with two kids under the age of two. If we don’t get out of the house, the day drags on and things happen: like my son using my husband’s toothbrush to wash the toilet.

Although the homebody in me wouldn’t mind vegging out on the couch a bit more, that’s just not an option as a mom of two (or more).  It may take us an hour to actually get out of the house, but staying busy and connecting with new friends is definitely a great way to transition into a new duty station.

I must admit, I feel a little guilty starting this whole blogging thing, especially writing about my “domestic deployment”.

For the last five years all we have known is deployments, working up for deployments or training for them.  Currently, my husband is going through a 10-month-long career level school. Everyone says its great family time. Don’t get me wrong, he works his normal long hours and has hours of homework, reading and term paper writing each night and on the weekend. But regardless of the long hours, he’s still home.

I absolutely love having more family time, especially while the boys are so young.  But part of me feels guilty and I was not prepared for those emotions.  

Originally, he was supposed to be deploying right now.  I see some of our friends on Facebook post “see you later” pictures as they send their loved one off. It breaks my heart. I know that as much as my husband loves being with us, a part of him also wishes he was leading his Marines into the deployment.

There are still troops overseas fighting, families separated and sacrificing.  My Marine joined for a reason and I know he struggles to balance being there for both his Marines and family.

I recently spoke with a friend from high school who is also a Marine Corps family.  Her husband is currently deployed while she is at home with their three boys. I admitted to her the guilt I feel when I complain about my day knowing what she was going through.

Without hesitation, she reminded me how precious this time together is and to take advantage of it. 

I know our deployment time will come again and one day my boys will have to learn what its like to say, “see you later” to their daddy for a 7-months or longer deployment.

These breaks in the deployment cycle do not come around often and it’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day routines - complaining about the laundry, budget and the messes my husband and boys make.  But while my husband was deployed, I would have traded anything in the world to have the messes, the extra laundry – to have him home.

I have our homecoming pictures of him meeting our son for the first time hanging on the wall, but maybe I need to hang even more of these photos to remind myself how quickly things change in military life.

Nothing is ever for certain. My husband may be home today but he could easily be gone when this school is over. I need to focus more on making family memories instead of keeping a clean house.

Don’t be alarmed though, I’m not going to go all crazy and end up on hoarders. But if the dishes don’t get washed or the laundry isn’t done for a day, I think we will survive.

Watching my husband with our boys, and having this time together is a gift. I will not take that for granted.

We haven’t PCS’d in over four years and I feel like I am totally out of the “friend” dating game. 

That’s exactly how it feels, like dating. I am so glad I already have a husband because my game is weak. I find myself stalking the park to see when someone is out playing with their kids, going to the children’s library and giving a sympathetic eye in the commissary to a mom whose little one is acting up.  

I am doing everything I can think of to find new friends. I try to strike up conversations and hope to exchange numbers so my son will have a playmate and someone to entertain him while I enjoy adult conversation. As much as I miss my friends from California, I know I have to face reality and make new friends or else it’s going to be a very long and lonely year.  

Military life is what you make it. You can let it make you miserable or you can look at the positives and enjoy the new experience.

It was a rough start trying to make friends here at first. Our loop of townhouses cleared out as soon as we moved in and new families slowly trickled in almost two months after we arrived.  I had no neighbors for most of the summer. I had to pull myself together to stay positive about this new move.

Luckily, my husband started his new job and he is currently a full-time student. The job is very family friendly and by family friendly they mean they give the spouses chances to get together.

My husband still has long hours and lots of work outside of his “work hours.” At a spouse orientation the first week the very first thing we were told was: this school is a priority for our husband’s careers.

That was a great way to meet friends because misery sure loves company!

Even though I would love to see my husband more during this break from combat training and deployments, I am thankful to be in a position where so many other spouses are going through the same thing. Not only do our husbands work long hours together, we are all only here for 10 months. It is hard to feel settled.

Since this is a temporary move, it seems like we have made friends quicker in order to make the most of our time here. And because I have met some great women, it also brings me back to the whole “dating” comparison.

I feel guilty for making new friends, almost like I am cheating on my old friends from our last duty station. But that’s the nature of this lifestyle: you make friends that become your family and at some point someone moves and you have to make new ones.  

It doesn’t change the things we experienced together or make those friendships any less significant.  It just means it’s time to start a new chapter in this crazy journey. And thanks to Facebook, the miles between us don’t seem so far.

Here we are at our new duty station and after almost four months, I can finally look back at the whole experience and smile. It wasn’t exactly the easiest move we had ever made and it certainly was stressful at times. But, those types of situations are always the hardest while you’re actually going through them. Now that we have gotten through the roughest part and are starting to adjust, I can laugh about some of the crazy moments. It wouldn’t be a typical PCS if there weren’t a few bumps along the way.

PCSing is stressful, no matter how many times you’ve done it or how you prepare for it.  This current move has been a little more challenging because we only had three weeks’ notice. Moving with a toddler and baby on the way, I thought for sure it was a recipe for an emotional breakdown. But if anyone can handle it a Marine Corps family can, right? After all, the very first piece of advice I was given as a new military spouse six years ago was “Semper Gumby”.  Yep, the translation means to always be flexible.  We scrambled to get everything done in two weeks, including paperwork, movers, lodging, housing, etc. So from the west coast back to the east coast, a new house and a new baby on the way, we arrived at our new duty station with optimism.

Our new house wasn’t exactly what we were used to. We have an active toddler, a newborn and two dogs. Although nice, a four level townhouse with no backyard was “inconvenient,” to say the least. With a little creative decorating we made this house a home. After all, if I have learned anything through deployments, being together is what matters the most. My husband was home and I was grateful to have a roof over our head. Ok, I admit, I shed a few tears and complained a little. Ok, a lot.

It wouldn’t be a PCS if some of our belongings didn’t end up broken or missing. It doesn’t take long to learn to always carry your valuables with you! Although it is a benefit to have the military move you, somehow your belongings are not always treated the way you would treat them. For example, I would never pack my toilet plunger with my bedroom comforter. I take this as a lesson learned to be very specific with the moving company next time and throw away the plunger before the movers come.

Now that the unpacking is over and I can breathe again. As much as I want to run back to my old house and friends right now, I know better days are ahead.  My mantra during deployments and this crazy roller coaster ride called military life is, ‘this too shall pass’. The stress is just temporary. No matter how hard the day may seem, tomorrow is always a fresh start.

As a military spouse, I have heard my fair share of horror stories about labor and delivery in a military hospital. The bad stories are usually the ones you hear the most.

Unfortunately, I had a rough first delivery experience in California. I will spare you the details because they don’t really matter. I walked away with a beautiful, healthy child and that’s all that mattered to me.

It was my first pregnancy, my husband was deployed, my ignorance was bliss and I knew no different. Your options can be very limited in the military community and I was not as assertive as I should have been, to say the least.

During my second pregnancy, PCSing in my third trimester was a little nerve wracking.  I was late in the game and chances were, I would not have much say in the care I received - especially since the base we are currently stationed at has no hospital. I was told I would be receiving care at a military clinic in town and deliver at a different military hospital.

I lost all hope. It was bad enough that I had to find a new doctor, but finding out my new provider wouldn’t even be delivering me was upsetting, to say the least.

My husband and I were able to tour the labor and delivery floor at the hospital a couple weeks before my due date. Although I was not receiving my prenatal care there, just pulling into the facility was a positive experience.

The hospital was brand new and absolutely beautiful.  We met with the staff, spoke with some nurses and everyone was wonderful.  The private room with a large TV and gaming system may have won us over as well. Maybe my expectations were low but I was actually excited for my stay in the hospital.

The odds were against us the weekend I had my son, who was born one week early. The base and surrounding area was hit with a terrible storm and 80 mph winds. The hospital and the entire base lost power and while we were in the hospital a 30-foot tall tree fell and landed on our home.

Luckily, no one was hurt but it definitely complicated things. In the hospital we had limited power provided by generators, which meant no TV or games. Guess my husband and I got to make up for all that time apart during the last five years. Be careful what you wish for, right!

Despite all these events, my labor and delivery experience in Virginia was much different and everything I dreamed of. I was in control and comfortable thanks to the wonderful nurses and best of all, my husband who was by my side. We had a beautiful, healthy new son. During our three day stay, we had no access to most hot food in the café because of the power outage and limited water usage (I had to sneak in a shower). But I still walked away with such a great experience. Although both of my experiences having my boys were very different, they both had the same outcome and I am so lucky and blessed for that.

I have changed my attitude about my previous, “bad” experience because it doesn’t really matter how my son came into the world. All that matters is that he did. I have two wonderful gifts and for that I would go through any bad experience over and over again.

I am nearing the last few weeks of my second pregnancy and somehow this time around it is more stressful than having my first son while my husband was deployed in Afghanistan.

PCSing across country at 32 weeks pregnant with a 20 month old, moving into “historic” base housing (note for future housing assignments accepted unseen, “historic” does not mean cute and southern; it means old, awkward and high maintenance, but that’s a story for another day), not knowing a single soul and having a husband take an 8-week job that keeps him away for days at a time have tested my limits and sanity. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful that my husband is not deployed this time around, but just because he isn’t in Afghanistan doesn’t mean he is actually home.

Let me rewind for you. In 2010, my husband and I received the news that we were expecting a baby! The timing was not in our favor since our due date fell in the middle of my husband’s deployment to Afghanistan but as a military family we knew there was never a perfect time to start a family. We took this as a blessing and our baby boy helped keep us strong and connected during a stressful combat deployment. Not that I didn’t have a pity party for myself.  My entire pregnancy I had wished my husband could be there. From going to doctors appointments with me, to feeling the first kicks to running to the store for my crazy pregnancy cravings, I longed for my husband’s company. I sent weekly updates and pictures of my growing belly to keep Daddy connected. I held my head high when strangers would ask if my husband would be home for the birth and fought back tears when they gave me a sympathetic look and pat on the back. At night I would break down and cry, praying that my husband would return home safe to me and be able to meet our little miracle.

The minute I held my son for the first time, my husband called from Afghanistan. Our family was together. We didn’t have the typical hospital picture of the three of us physically together but we do have some pretty amazing pictures of my husband’s homecoming a couple months later. There are no words to describe the emotion I felt watching my 8-week-old son look up at his daddy for the first time.  We made it. We got through the deployment, my husband was home safe and we were finally a family. Being together erased the heartache of all we had missed.

Fast-forward to today, a year and a half later. I am pregnant with our second son, who is due any day now. We just moved to Virginia from California a few weeks ago where my husband is currently an instructor at an 8-week intensive school; a job that keeps him away from home 20-24 hours a day, including weekends.

I am so grateful my husband is not deployed but I hadn’t planned on going to my doctor’s appointments alone this time around. Well, I guess I’m not completely alone. I have a curious, energetic and sweet little 20 month old joining me who likes to pull up my shirt in public and show everyone his baby in Mommy’s belly. I am still feeling the baby move by myself and going out to get my own ice cream and potato chip pregnancy cravings.

And, I am not sure if I will be able to reach my husband when the time comes to go to the hospital. But I have to stay positive because there are just some things you have no control of. (In the military, that’s an understatement).

When all is said and done, I can’t let myself get down. Do I wish things were different and we could experience a “normal” pregnancy and delivery together? Absolutely. But I have a loving husband who works hard for his country and loves what he does. He provides for our family and we are blessed to have our healthy children. We may not be together as much as other “civilian” families but military families sure know how to make the most of the time we do have together.

Home is where the military sends you. Many military families I know have this sign proudly displayed in their homes.

The sight of it makes my civilian friends shudder.

They don’t understand how we can grow to love a place so foreign to our very being; a place we may never see again; a place we dread moving to at first and cry when we pack our bags to go.

Military spouses have a unique ability to make the best out of the worst situation. They can make the tiniest, least desirable housing feel like a home. They understand that home is a feeling, not a place.

Please meet Ann Marie Dombrowski, our newest Salute to Spouses columnist and Marines wife. She joins us after a cross-country PCS move, while pregnant, to a duty station where her husband is away more than he is home.

To say the least, it’s been a tough couple of months. But Ann Marie knows how to make the most of her situation and her home is by her soldier’s side, no matter where that may take her and her two young sons.

Please join her as she chronicles her military family journey through the good, the difficult and the places that touch her heart and eventually will always feel like home.

Focusing on my schoolwork has been tough lately because my concentration keeps being invaded by thoughts of the impending PCS to Korea that my husband will be making - alone. Even though it is 10 months from now, I am already running through the checklist of what needs to be done and know I am going to forget something. It has been a couple of years since my husband has deployed, so we’ve gotten a break from him being gone every other year since ‘01. When he leaves, he will have been home for three years straight, which hasn’t happened, ever, in our 14-year marriage. I’m already worried about getting things done.

Even though this isn’t technically a deployment, I know the deployment gremlins will show up. They have every other time, why not again? Something will go wrong with the car, an appliance or with anything else that can break down. And I will, for the first time, have the added pressure of trying to sell our house while he is gone.

Deciding on when the right time is to put it on the market is not an easy one. And with the housing market these days, there isn’t even a guarantee it will sell. So, as soon as my husband finds out where we will go after Korea, I will be putting the house up. I figure I’d rather have too much time, than not enough. And if it happens to sell quickly, I will be moving myself, two kids and a dog into a rental. Not something I am looking forward to, but I really, really do not want to rent out our house when we move. I am a worrywart and I will constantly worry about whether the renters will pay on time and if they are taking care of my house. If we don’t have renters, I will have the added worry of paying a mortgage and rent. I just want to be done with it.

The separation is one more reason I need to stay motivated to finally finish my degree, because I don’t want to have to balance everything plus school. Doing battle with those deployment demons isn’t always easy but I’ve done it before and if I’m going to stay on track to graduate before my husband leaves I’ll need to do it again.