It was a few days into this deployment, and I was feeling pretty good.

We were tired, for sure.  A 3 a.m. drop-off on a dark boat dock isn’t exactly refreshing.

And my kids were sad that Daddy was gone, as was I.

But we were all fed and clothed and dressed.  We even made soccer practice on time that week.

And then, late on a Friday afternoon, I opened my garage door to throw in another load of laundry and found myself standing in several inches of water.

“Oh my god!” I screamed, while my children squealed with glee, the 2-year-old yelling, “Pool, mama! Pool!”

I immediately assumed my washer was leaking and pumping all this water onto my garage floor.  But I couldn’t tell.

I had to back out my van and start pulling things off of the wall before I saw it, leaking, nay pouring, out the bottom of my hot water heater.

“Oh god no!” I yelled some more. “No, no, no, no, no!”

I then grabbed my phone, called the first friend I could think of and yelled at her, “My garage is flooded! I need help! Please come now!”

I had to dig my way into the water shut-off outside the house; it had been caked by dirt and mud all winter and was barely movable.  And then I had to figure out which breaker led to the hot water heater, in my unlabeled breaker box, of course, while standing in several inches of water and praying I wasn’t electrocuted.

Then my friend showed up. Thank god, she had brought her husband.  She grabbed our shop-vac and started sucking out water, while her husband found the volt meter and made sure it wasn’t a fire hazard.  We all start calling plumbers while using towels and a leaf blower to soak up and blow away the lake that had been my garage.

A third phone call to another homeowner-friend-Navy-wife revealed she knew a plumber.  Or, rather, a better option.

Her husband, who had replaced their hot-water heater two years prior.

He came over, grabbed my credit card, bought me a new hot-water heater and installed it that night while his wife and my dear friend, along with her four children, helped me clean kids and dinner prep without running water.

I went to bed that night exhausted, wishing I had played the lotto.

This was the third deployment in a row in which, within a week of my husband’s departure, something major has broken. What are the chances?

And this is the third time in a row that good friends, a savings account, husband-borrowing, and a dose of “Oh crap! I guess I have no choice but to deal with this!” have come to my rescue.

I’m not sure I can express the kind of gratitude I feel when someone sacrifices their Friday night for me just because I’m a fellow military spouse in need.

No other community has that kind of loyalty, that kind of ferocious protective nature over their own.

I will be forever grateful that, if nothing else, this life has taught me that a few inches of water have nothing on the power of a military community.

Without that community, those few inches of water would have surely drowned me.

And while we in the Navy community like to laugh at the pun, “We’re all in the same boat,” it really is true.

And I really am thankful for that alone.


 

By Amanda Rebmann

Have you found yourself buried under a pile of credit card debt? There are ways to control it – with a little budgeting and discipline.

Since 2010, credit card statements have been required to disclose a minimum payment warning.  This requirement was part of the CARD Act (Credit Card Responsibility and Disclosure Act of 2009), which targeted certain components of extending credit.  As we all know, obtaining credit can be a good or bad thing. 

On one hand, extending financing, particularly to the military, can be positive.  It helps us purchase items that would otherwise be too expensive to pay for outright.  However, credit can quickly become overwhelming, particularly when introductory rates expire and increase, or if an unexpected event forces you to rely on credit cards more frequently. 

To pay less in interest, and decrease the amount of time you’ll need to repay your debt, always try to pay more than the minimum amount due.  It’s easy to just pay that small amount on your statement each month, ranging anywhere from $15 to $100 or more.  When money is tight, you need to make sure to at least pay that amount to avoid any negative credit reporting. 

However, there are many benefits to paying more than the minimum amount due.  You will pay much less in interest charges, and pay the balance off sooner.  You will have more available credit in case of emergencies, and improve your credit scores.  High balances negatively impact your credit scores, while maintaining a lower balance in relation to your credit line is considered a positive factor.

Let’s say you have a $1000 balance on your credit card with an 18 percent interest rate and your minimum payment is calculated as interest plus 1 percent of the balance.  Using this example, the minimum payment would start at $25, and decrease as your balance went down.  Even without using that credit card again, it would take you over eight and a half years to pay off the original $1000 balance, and you would pay almost as much in interest as the balance.  Instead, if you pay a fixed payment of $35, you will pay over $600 less in interest and pay it off six years sooner!

Paying more than the minimum payment on your statement is a money saver for other types of debt as well, including installment loans, like a car loan, or even mortgage payments.  Using a $200,000/ 30 year fixed rate loan at 4.5 percent as an example, if you pay just your minimum payment each month, you will pay the loan off in the anticipated 30 years and will have paid close to $165,000 in interest in addition to paying back the balance.  Paying just an extra $50 a month saves you thousands in interest and takes about three years off of the loan.

For many people, debt cannot be avoided; we need cars and homes, and borrowing helps achieve those things.  Budgeting can be difficult, and circumstances always arise that prevent us from devoting more of our paychecks to paying back debt.  However, when you have the means to pay just a little or more to your monthly bills, you’ll come out with more money in the long run.

By Amanda Rebmann

I’ve written several articles about the VA Mortgage, an area I have a good knowledge base in from having worked in the mortgage industry for almost 15 years.  I’ve originated mortgages and serviced them, which gives me a comprehensive appreciation for what will be for most people, their biggest monetary investment.  However, I’ve never been on the other side- the one getting the loan- until now.

For my husband and me, it just never made sense to actually purchase a home.  Before he went active duty, we were pretty young and our income wasn’t stable.  Since then, we moved around so much, we decided it was best to keep renting.  And, after the housing bubble collapsed, I was always worried we would take a loss on any purchase.

But now, with a daughter and a more permanent home base, it was finally time to take that step.  I wondered how it would feel on the other side of the equation.  I figured with my experience, I’d be all set.

A little lesson brought me back down to earth.

We’re looking for a single family house in a very competitive market- seriously, ridiculous purchase prices for tiny homes built in the 50’s.  We decided early on to limit the mortgage payment to no higher than his basic allowance for housing (BAH) so that we would never have to rely on my income to make the mortgage payment.  This is a good idea for us for family planning purposes.  It also gave us a very definitive ceiling amount.

For simplicity sake- let’s say we determined we wanted to pay no higher than $2000 a month for the loan payment.  This amount will also include taxes and insurance as VA loans will require an escrow account for these items.  I jumped online, pulled up a random VA loan calculator, and determined how large the loan amount would be to stay at or below that amount.  With that figure in mind, we met with our realtor and started hunting.

It wasn’t until the end that the realtor mentioned shopping the loan around a bit, to ensure we would receive the best rate possible.  When I plugged current rates into the loan calculator- I was amazed at the difference.  I had forgotten just how much of a lower rate could allow you to mortgage. 

It’s important to also remember there are ways to get that rate lower, to further lower your monthly payment.  Points may be paid at closing to receive a lower rate.  The good news is that your deal may be structured to have the seller pay for some or all of those points.  VA loans allow up the seller to pay for up to 4% of the purchase price of the loan in seller-paid closing costs.  For example, on a $200,000 loan, the seller can credit you up to $8000 to be used for many of the costs associated with closing a real estate deal.  In other words, the seller paid closing costs can help you lower your rate.

Shop around when looking for a mortgage.  In a transaction this large, a little competition can save you thousands of dollars, and may get you closer to moving into a house you love.

The last few months I have struggled with my topics to blog about. Our life felt a little boring. A little, dare I say, normal!

We were busy, but we had a routine. We knew what to expect with my husband’s job and the boys and I had our routine and looked forward to our weekends with Dad around. I felt a little guilty writing about military life because I had the guilt that my husband was training Marines to deploy but wasn’t the one doing that.  With our latest news, our life is about to get flipped upside down.

Believe it or not but we have new orders! Luckily, we are staying at the same duty station. My husband is just changing units as his current billet is a 2-year commitment and is coming to an end.

I was not ready to move again so getting the news that we get to stay put for two more years was exciting. Now, I can finish decorating my house since we moved in almost two years ago. Considering we have moved twice in three years, a part of me was not convinced we would stay longer than two years so I stopped decorating.

So back to projects I go! Now that we have the official paperwork, we can start planning. My husband and I looked at the calendar and his new schedule. I thought two more years in the same house and same duty station meant no changing or disruption in our lives but I am learning that even though my feet stay planted, nothing else might.

The more we look forward, the more changes coming our way. For my husband, that means three months away at school and then a long workup in and out to sea then and a possible deployment. Yuck. That is a big change for us. The last 4 years have been a resident school and then random one month trainings and late nights.

Although my boys will get to stay in their routine, I did not account for the fact that their dad would miss much of it. And, most of our friends are on 3-year orders and will be leaving this summer or next, leaving us behind. I know that’s what we do as military families, we move and start over, but I have always been the friend to leave first. I am not sure how I feel being left behind.

As soon as I wrap my brain about these new orders, my husband comes home and says there may be a new billet/orders available so we can move this summer if we want to.

And just like that, the Marine Corps throws us for a loop. Although I am beginning to think it’s not so much the Marine Corps and more like my husband!!

Stay tuned. A lot happening for our family. You never know where the Marine Corps may take us!

I have noticed that throughout our military moves, my closest friends at each duty station are spouses whose husband’s work with my husband during trainings, deployments or schools. It’s easier to form bonds over the long hours or mandatory family fun events. 

The tough part is leaving these friendships behind. Even though technology, smart phones and social media make it a little easier to stay in touch through the distance, things are not the same once we live apart. 

The same thing goes for my friends back home - you know, my “normal, civilian friends.” Schedules are busy, lives are busy. It’s just not quite the same when you can’t get together in person regularly.  

And picking up the phone to actually talk? Forget about it. As soon as my kids see that, they turn into attention seeking monsters! So we go on making new friendships but never forgetting that special bond we have with others.

On our way home from our vacation with family, we were able to stop by for a night and see our very close friends. We went through a deployment together, they supported me in the birth of my son when our husbands were in Afghanistan together.  

We laughed together, cried together. Our families have treated one another like family more than friends. So, after almost two years of not seeing one another, we were excited to finally have a reunion.  But a piece of me worried if things would be like they used to. There are more babies in each family now. The kids are all older. My boys are wild. Would they be able to handle us? 

Careers have gone different ways and new friendships have been made. I was nervous I wasn’t the same friend. That I hadn’t kept in touch enough. That I should have sent cards for birthdays and just because. The list went on. I finally realized I was only making myself more nervous.  

As we explained to our 4-year-old why these friends were so important to us on our drive over, I recalled all of the late night chats, laugh and cries. No matter what I always had those memories. 
    
As soon as we all hugged one another, my worries melted away. Emotions ran over me and I felt at ease. The miles between us, the years of not seeing one another didn’t matter. We were brought back to exactly where we left off. 

One day wasn’t enough to fully catch up and re-acquaint our families. But it was enough to fill my heart and realize that not every friendship I make has to replace my old ones. You can’t replicate experiences with one another.  

This family is very special to both my husband and I. We may not get the opportunity to live near one another again, or go through a deployment together or have babies together but it doesn’t have to prevent us from continuing our friendship and making memories. The Marine Corps brought us together but we choose to continue on together, no matter where the Corps sends us!

By Jim Hinton - Special Guest Contributor

“This We’ll Defend.” “Honor, Courage, Commitment.” “Semper Fidelis.” “Aim High.”

These are the mottos our military service members all follow as they fight for our nation. They deploy to the hotspots of our world. They head out to exercises and drills. They step out the front door in the morning and engage in the day to day tasks needed to maintain their readiness for the fight.

As a military spouse you, too, are engaged in readiness training as well. You may not be maintaining the engine of a tank, or standing watch in the engine room, or out on the runway refueling fast-movers, but you are still a part of the military team. When your spouse steps out that doorway, whether for a day, a week, or a year, you are the one maintaining the home front, and keeping it in readiness for their return.

Unfortunately not all of those returns find your spouse hardy and hale, ready to go back to the business of defending our nation tomorrow morning. In thirteen years of fighting approximately 2.5 million of our soldiers, sailors, and airmen have served in Afghanistan and Iraq, and of those, somewhere around 675,000 have some form of disability. For many of these injured soldiers a disability is a sudden career ender.

I’m one of them. An Army Aviation trooper, I earned my Stetson and Spurs in Afghanistan. I came home from my third combat deployment expecting to continue on towards my twenty year letter after a little bit of post deployment leave. Instead, a doctor at Darnell Army Medical Center informed me that my career was over. The lingering cold I had brought back from Kandahar was no mere cough. It was permanent lung damage, and the exhaustion my difficult breathing was causing would never go away. Within a short time I was out-processed, enrolled with the VA, and receiving a monthly stipend as compensation.

This unfortunate experience quickly brought me to the awareness of something neither I nor my wife had ever had occasion to worry about. We, like so many other military families, had never made plans for a career ending injury. We were confident that we would go all the way to twenty, or maybe even thirty, and enjoy a well-deserved retirement. Instead, we found ourselves suddenly thrust into the civilian world without any plans or preparation and living on a fraction of what we had become accustomed to.

We did make it in the end. I used the many excellent opportunities offered to me, such as my GI Bill benefits and the VR&E program. I was able to get a decent job where my lung damage was not a significant impediment, and now I and my family live comfortably, settled into our civilian life. But it took three years to get there, and those were three long, hard, and avoidable years.

It’s not something talked about much, but stories like this do happen with far greater frequency than anyone cares to admit. The important thing is that they do not have to happen. As the military spouse you have the opportunity and power to be the Plan B that takes over should your service member’s career come to a sudden end thanks to an injury.

As the spouse you often find yourself responsible for handling the day to day finances so that your service member can focus on the deployment or exercise at hand. As such you have the opportunity to prepare a buffer. Set aside a set amount every month. We all have USAA banking available, use it to set up a savings account with an automatic transfer, then sit on it.

If you were to save $200 a month, in five years you could have almost $5,000 in the bank. Added to disability payments that could give you three months of padding towards reestablishing your family in the civilian world. After ten years and with interest? $12,000. That’s a comfortable half of a year. And if you go career and never have to face injury? Imagine starting your retirement with somewhere around $40,000 in the bank.

Stocking funds away into a bank account makes for a nice buffer zone. Unfortunately, buffer zones aren’t unlimited, and there’s the chance that, like happened with me, the injury can last longer than the buffer zone. Unfortunately you could find yourself out of funds before your veteran can become fully established in a job sufficient to provide for the family.

Part of family readiness that you can provide as the military spouse is the ability to take over as the primary income if it becomes necessary. There are a number of programs out there available to military spouses that will allow you to obtain certifications and degrees you can utilize to find work sufficient to support you, your service member, and your family for as long as it takes. The military may not give briefings about these programs for you, but they exist.

Just a few examples of the programs you can utilize include STAP and MyCAA. Both are readily available to provide funding to help you, as a spouse, obtain your degree while your service member is still in and healthy, allowing you to prepare to be Plan B. Salute to Spouses has a page listing and describing a number of these programs, as well as offering its own scholarship to help out.

Of course, being a military spouse you have to worry about a PCS every two to three years. This may seem to be an obstacle to obtaining the education you need even with the funds from the above programs. Will your credits transfer to an institution near your new station? Are you going to have to move during a semester?

Fortunately, these days many accredited institutions offer full degrees online. Salute to Spouse’s scholarship is useful for the online program at Bryant & Stratton, for example allowing you to get a BA in Accounting, Business Admin, or Health Services Admin.

The important thing is that you have multiple options to receive the education you need to be able to be Plan B. As much as we hope your spouse comes home safe and sound, the chance that they could return home with a career ending injury is quite real. Just as your soldier, sailor, or airman needs to be focused on operational readiness you need to be focused on family readiness. Pray for the best, but prepare for the worst. To paraphrase Chaplain Forgy, “Praise the Lord and pass the education.” It’s one of the most important things you can do as a military spouse.

The day after we got home from family vacation, we found out I was pregnant with our third child.

I think all color immediately leached from my face; I was shocked.

My husband, meanwhile, did his customary fist-pump and grin-with-glee routine.  He loves babies, and he was so excited.

The timing was perfect.  He would be home for the baby’s birth and early infancy.

A few weeks in, and I was catching my husband’s excitement, too.  I didn’t have my traditional morning sickness.  My oldest daughter kept talking about our “sweet second baby,” telling my younger daughter she was the “first baby.”

A close friend dropped off a tote of maternity clothes.  I started looking at where we could fit a third small set of drawers for his or her little sleepers and onesies.  We decided we didn’t want to find out the gender; I wanted the surprise.

And then, three days after Christmas, while we were out of town visiting my parents for the holiday, I started bleeding. 

It got worse and worse throughout the day.  I was doubled over with cramps.  Felt gushes of blood.  And eventually had to hole myself up in my parent’s guest bathroom while my mother and husband took care of my little girls.
 
By the next morning, I knew it was over.  Everyone else tried to remain positive for me, including my midwife who had been on my phone with me all night from Georgia.

But I knew.

But we still packed up all our Christmas gifts and our girls and drove back to Georgia.

I cried the whole way home.  I was so devastated because I knew.

My husband didn’t want to talk about it until we had a guarantee.

And so we had an ultrasound the next day.

And within seconds, before the ultrasound technician said a word, I knew again.  The baby was gone.

The baby that was supposed to be so perfectly timed, so that my husband would be home to see him or her be born.

The baby I had dreamt about two nights before, knowing he was a boy.  I had seen him and held him and rocked him.

He was gone.

Of course, the midwife and doctor sat down and wanted to talk about our plans.  Because I had no complications, they were excited to tell me I could try again right away.

Except, I couldn’t.

Thanks to the Navy, my better half wouldn’t be there to try with me for much longer.

And we are now in a window where, if we get pregnant again quickly, my husband won’t be home for the birth of the baby.  Or his or her infancy.

It felt like a double blow.  The loss of our third child and the loss of an open opportunity to grow our family.

I think I will forever grieve the loss of this little one.  I also think I won’t find that joy I had before until we get another chance to add another baby to the family.

But thanks to the Navy, that may not happen any time soon.

And so, I pick up, soldier on, and try to put on a brave face for the two blessings I already have while their daddy leaves for awhile once again.

Not how I imagined starting the New Year, that’s for sure.

By Tiffany Shed

If you are like me, you are slowly dragging yourself into the new year. The tree has been taken down. The ornaments and decorations all packed away. You’re looking around for places to put all the new toys and gadgets your family accumulated over the last few weeks.

If you’re also like me, you probably are thinking about change, because that’s what the new year brings … change. Some changes aren’t voluntary, like all the holiday flavors disappearing from menus and store shelves. Bye, bye peppermint hot chocolate. But some changes are those that we make ourselves. Those dreaded new years’ resolutions have probably already started popping up in your Facebook newsfeed or on your favorite blogs.  

I don’t like the word resolution. To me, I associate it with the word resolve, and to resolve something means that there will be a definite solution or ending point. That’s a lot of pressure. What if I can’t resolve my resolution before December 31^st of this year?

I think that this year, I will make some intentions.

I intend to make use of all of the resources that I have at my disposal to get my family all of the care they need. Being a military spouse comes with a lot of perks sometimes. There are tons of ways we can seek help for ourselves and our families. Usually a simple Google search will lead to a whole host of ways to help.

If that doesn’t help, check out a couple of my favorite places: Military OneSource, Army Wife Network, and the National Military Family Association. Whether you need to know how to register for EFMP, find out how to ship your household goods, or just need a laugh to make your day brighter, you’ll find it on one of these websites. These are just a few examples of great online resources available to us though. Do a little searching and find your own.

I intend to take full advantage of any and all time I can get with my mommy group and special needs mom support group. We all need someone to lean on, especially when we’re dealing with a special needs family member.

Military life is tough in and of itself, but add special needs to the mix and things get far more complicated. I have been lucky enough to find an excellent group of moms that have helped me through the last year.

I found them through The Mommies Network. Luckily, the Mommies Network is all around the country. The next time we get PCS orders, I know that my first internet search will be to find out if there is a Mommies Network group in the area.

If there isn’t one in your area, don’t despair. Your search may be a bit harder, but there are groups where you can find support. Talk to your PCM or go to your Community Resource center on your installation (that’s ACS for all you Army folks). They will be able to help you find a support group in your area.

My biggest intention for 2015 is to try not to worry as much about the things that I have no control over.

I don’t have control over my husband’s training schedule. I don’t have control over my son’s epilepsy. I don’t have control over when or where our next PCS will occur. These are just a few of the things I worry about - a lot.

I can’t do anything about any of these things, but they consume so much of my daily thoughts. I intend to trust my son’s doctors. I intend to stay calm when my husband is gone (because I have my mommy group and my literal mommy, who thankfully loves visiting her grandson). I intend to enjoy the time we have left here in our house and not worry about what to do with it when we have to leave or having to find a new one until the time actually comes.

Will I succeed with my intentions? Who knows? The most important thing is that I am going to try. Happy New Year, everyone. I hope you intend on making the most of it.

By Jan Wesner Childs

It’s that time of year again when all Americans, military or civilian, have one often-dreaded chore in common: Filing federal income taxes.

Active-duty military W-2 forms are due to be available Jan. 24 on myPay, the DOD’s online, automated pay system. While taxes aren’t due until April 15 (and in some cases later for those deployed or serving outside the United States), the sooner you file, the sooner you’ll get any refund coming to you – often in less than two weeks if you file electronically.

And if you think you might owe money, financial experts recommend filing as early as possible.

“At least give yourself time if you need to set up an extension or if you need to set up a payment plan,” said Kimberly Smith, a consultant for Military OneSource, the DOD’s online family service center. “You just don’t want to get to the point where it’s crunch time.”

Tax experts say there aren’t any new federal tax laws this year that specifically affect military personnel. But several benefits for service  members and families are often overlooked or underutilized.

“As tax season approaches, military families have extra things to keep in mind,” according to Kathryn Morgan, a tax specialist and Air Force retiree in Louisiana. “Special tax circumstances apply to service members, and being familiar with the tax topics can help them file accurate tax returns and not overpay their taxes.”

For example, she said, tax-free combat pay can still be counted toward total income for some benefits, such as the Earned Income Tax Credit and the Child Tax Credit. Both are federal tax credits for families or individuals who fall within certain income ranges.

Morgan said the tax deduction for non-reimbursable moving expenses is among the most underutilized tax break for military families. According to the Internal Revenue Service, military personnel can claim any “reasonable” moving expenses not covered by DOD, to include the cost of transporting pets.

Morgan said these expenses do not have to be listed as itemized deductions.

All U.S. taxpayers will see a new line on their tax forms this year regarding healthcare coverage. Under the new Affordable Health Care Act, every taxpayer must have some sort of health insurance. Tricare is a qualifying healthcare plan under the act.

For example, line 61 of the standard 1040 form lists “Healthcare: individual responsibility,” followed by a box that says “Full-year coverage.” The IRS says Tricare beneficiaries simply need to check the box and they are good to go.

When it comes to state income taxes, there are varying degrees of benefits for service members. This year, Arkansas becomes the most recent state to exempt all or part of active-duty military pay for its residents. Several states also exempt retirement pay.

If all this sounds a little complicated, or if you just want to make sure you are getting the most out of your taxes, help is widely available at little or no cost to members of the U.S. armed forces worldwide.

Most bases, posts or deployed ships have a tax center, usually open around Feb. 1, manned with personnel specifically trained to file military tax returns. These services are free. Some of these also have self-service computer stations where service members can file their own taxes, but get help from one of the on-site experts if needed.

Military OneSource also offers free tax counseling and filing services, and several private tax services such as H&R Block, Turbo-Tax and others offer discounts and other special services for military personnel.

By Tiffany Shedd

The worst part about moving every three years, for me personally, has been making new friends.

I made up my mind that after this move I was going to make a very concerted effort, for the sake of my son who was a newborn at the time. Moving with a newborn proved a bit more challenging than I’d expected, especially when he started having seizures at ten-months-old.

By the time I even thought about finding friends, we’d been in the area for over a year. So my newborn was now a toddler and I was more than ready for more adult conversation.

I had been dealing with my son’s diagnosis with epilepsy as I deal with most things, by not thinking about it or dealing with my feelings about it. I did not compulsively research it. I didn’t immediately search out support groups. Initially, I didn’t do anything, really.

Once we went several months, seizure free, I didn’t even really think about it all that much. Epilepsy isn’t something I had to deal with on a daily basis, thank goodness. I know that we have been very lucky. Despite my lack of compulsive research, I still heard stories from doctors about all the possibilities.

My son had his first seizures about the time I was really looking into finding friends. I had started going to the YMCA. I was looking into book clubs. I was about to sign him up for a Mommy and Me class. All that came to a screeching halt when the seizures started. It threw me off the friend track for another six months.

I stumbled upon a mommy group serendipitously while attending a consignment sale. They had an information table set up at the sale. It was group of mommies from my county and their website had online forums for moms to chat about everything from dinner plans, movies and books, and even forums for moms with kids who have special needs. Something really clicked for me when I talked to the representative. I knew it was time for my son to start getting out and meeting other kids and I really needed to meet other moms, especially moms that might get what I had been going through for the last six months.

I went home that day and signed up for the group. I immediately joined the special needs forum and posted about our experience. Within a few minutes, I had an encouraging response from one of the other mommies. It was nice to have an objective group of people to talk to and feel support from.

Do not get me wrong, my husband and family are supportive, but I am a worrier. I internalize a lot of it, and sometimes it is just easier to talk to other people who have gone through similar experiences or who know what it is like to have a child with special needs.

In the six months since we’ve joined the group, I worry about my son a lot less. Partially because he’s been seizure free for almost a year, and partially because of the other mommies I have met. I love seeing my son play with the other kids at play dates. I feel like I was meant to find this group and I’m grateful I found them when I did.

If you are new to life with a special needs child, or if you yourself have been diagnosed with something, my advice would be to find a group that you feel supported in. Talk to your PCM about groups on post or check with ACS to see if there are support groups you could join.

If there aren’t, maybe you could start one. I am sure that there will be others who will be thankful. If you don’t live on post, look to your community. Talk to your doctor, check with the Parks and Recreation department, sometimes you will find support groups or just a group that you can feel connected to in strange places.

If you can’t find a local group, try an online group. Sometimes it is easier to connect with others when you aren’t face to face, especially when you are dealing with highly sensitive and emotional issues. Whatever you do, make sure that you get the support that you need. You don’t have to deal with your child’s or your diagnosis alone. Family is wonderful, but when you are hundreds or thousands of miles away from them, friends become a necessity.