At the end of my last post, my husband and I were hours away from leaving for our long awaited honeymoon. As excited as I was, I also felt a little nervous. We have been together almost 12 years, so it wasn’t like a first date kind of nervous, but more like a "I cannot remember the last time I spent this much time alone with my husband” kind of nervous.

I guess I worried that I might be a little boring.

With so much time apart between work ups,  deployments, trainings and schools, I cannot remember the last time we spent a week together that didn’t involve a PCS or having a baby.  So without those distractions, what will we do? What will we talk about without two toddlers screaming and throwing food at each other?

A beach vacation is a dream for me.  I am perfectly content sitting on the beach in silence with no plans for my day but my husband, on the other hand, is not a sit down on the beach kind of guy.  Especially after a couple of deployments to the desert. Can we make it work? And with no kids and work to go to, we have no restrictions. What will we do?

Our big weekend plans usually consists of making popcorn with our 3-year-old and watching a Disney movie while we play catch up from the week and talk about work and the funny things the kids did lately. Sometimes we sneak in a glass of wine. Or if we are really daring, we add in a little fancy cheese plate. I can’t believe I am finally going to be kid free and I am nervous  to hang out with my husband. I hope he still likes me!

So our dream vacation came and went. It actually started with both my husband and I getting food poisoning hours before our flight left so I thought for sure our vacation was doomed to be terrible. Somehow it was a quick illness and we both recovered by the time we left the country.

Despite the way it started and all my worries, it was much easier to relax then I thought it would be. I knew the boys were in great hands and could reach us if they needed to. The best part was, I realized my husband and I still have the strong foundation that has kept us going all this time.

Our friendship and marriage were much stronger than I thought. We were finally able to put aside our other roles in life at work and as parents and focus on what we had before the military and our kids, each other. We survived deployments, being apart during the births of our sons and move after move after move as well as so many days and months apart. How did I ever worry we would have nothing to talk about?

We had so much to talk about! We laughed and reminisced about the past and made plans for our future. Some mornings we just sat at the pool and held hands while we both read our own books.  At one time, I may have been worried about that silence between us but something about it was comforting. 

We went sightseeing and jammed packed the other day with tours that kept us busy. We dressed up, had romantic candlelight dinners. It was amazing. But despite how amazing this dream vacation was, I realized how much I love our life - our family and the everyday chaos.

Don’t get me wrong. I would go back on vacation in a heartbeat. But now that I know we still can be that fun, married couple, I like being the old, married couple. I think I am finally done with trying to count our moves and add up all our time apart. It doesn’t matter how many days we are apart in this military life, all that matters is what we have when we are together.

I cannot believe the day is here! My husband has almost three weeks of leave for the holidays, beginning in an hour!

This is a big deal in our house. My husband never takes that much leave time. We have been fortunate enough to have him home the last few holiday seasons but that week off usually flies by as we travel to see our families.

This year is special. This year, we are dropping off our boys with their grandparents in New York and taking our much needed, seven years overdue, honeymoon!!

My husband and I have not spent seven days together, without family or our kids, since 2008 when we moved to California. And sorry, driving cross-country in four days is not exactly the honeymoon I was hoping for.

Like many other military couples we know, we were married by a justice of the peace in a little courthouse before he left for training. We were unsure of what our future held in regards to deployment. At the time we had been together for five years and  were engaged for a few months. We decided to run to the courthouse on a whim. Our "big wedding" would be later in the year with our family and friends. But this day, this day was ours and if anything happened, we were married and that was very important to us.

Now, to make a long story short, we had our big wedding during a long weekend (a 72 for us military folk). My husband had back to back schools and training so there was no time to take vacation. We figured a honeymoon would be nice for our first anniversary.

Well, deployment came and went. No honeymoon. Then a pregnancy and another deployment. One more pregnancy and five years into marriage, still no honeymoon. It became a joke at this point. I feared if we planned a vacation the two of us, my husband would deploy or I would get pregnant again. Neither seem very appealing right now.

My sweet husband who knows me better than anyone, knew I would find a million reasons not to take a vacation. So instead of planning it together, he just booked it. I am forever grateful for his spontaneity and ability to make me relax!

So here we are, 48 hours before our flight to St Lucia takes off. No deployment, no third baby. I do have a sick three-year-old and a 14-hour car ride through a snow storm to endure before takeoff but it wouldn't be our life if there wasn't an obstacle to jump. Honeymoon, here we come!

I have to admit I have been struggling a little bit in the friend/social/military spouse involvement department here. Between the regular craziness of being a mom, my workouts (AKA my therapy) and volunteering two to three mornings a week, I have not been as outgoing or as social as I would like to be. In fact, I almost feel completely out of touch with military life. I realized this over the weekend when we attended my husband’s USMC Birthday Ball for his battalion.

In the past, I have looked forward to a night on the town with my Marine in his dress blues. We have always had a great time making memories with our friends in the unit as we celebrate the Marine Corps. The ceremony reminds me how special it is to be apart of this unique military community.  

This year as our ball approached, I really found myself struggling to get excitement to attend. I had a unique opportunity to dress up and have a kid-free night with my husband - and I dreaded it. I saw my other Marine Corps friends posting and sharing pictures of themselves at their own birthday ball celebrations, looking like they were having a great time. Why was I struggling to bring myself to go this year?

We have been at our “new” family for about six months and things here just don’t feel the same as previous duty stations. Initially when we came here, I tried to jump right in and make new friends, but I admit I have a problem committing to plans. For whatever the reason, I am not one to initiate social get-togethers. I always try to attend when an invitation is extended to me but I am not always the best at following through.

I also was fortunate enough to have friends here from our last duty station but somehow I pushed myself away from them. The days go by fast and I lost touch.  We also live about 45 minutes from our base, which makes it more challenging to be as active as I would like to be. And, having two active boys is exhausting. Sometimes I just can’t wait until nap time. Or bedtime. I cherish my “me time”.

I have friends - lots of them all over the country whom I miss terribly. Why can’t we just all be together again? Don’t get me wrong, I have met wonderful people here, both in and out of our battalion, and I can see myself being friends with lots of them.

But at this time, I haven’t found a group where I belong. I feel like an outsider.  And with the big party approaching, being an outsider is no fun. Instead of a night out with girlfriends, I felt like I would be following my husband around as his shadow, not knowing anyone, which is not like me.

I am not really sure what happened during the week but I made an active decision to stop having a pity party for myself. Just because I do not see friends on a regular basis does not mean I do not have friends!  I have said it many times in my writings here and have learned this lesson over and over many times during my experience as a military spouse: military life is what you make it.

I still have a lot of time left here to make deeper connections and memories with our new military family. And the Marine Corps Birthday Ball is about more than getting together with girlfriends and giggling on the dance floor. It was an opportunity to meet the people my husband works with and spends a lot of time with. It was a night to honor those Marines who have sacrificed their lives for our freedom.

And it was also not “my” night. It was my husband’s. My Marine. All the Marines. His night to bond with his fellow brothers and celebrate a happy occasion of being together on this one night. The bigger picture became so much clearer. This was not just about me!

After the dreading, we ended up having a fun night. I was reminded that I really would like to be better friends with many of the women I have met in the past few months and I would have fun with them! I must admit, this ball wasn’t like previous years but my husband and I may never have that type of experience again. We had very unique friendships at that time and I am very fortunate for those.

We may never all be in the same place and time together again but that doesn’t mean we all cannot continue to make new friendships. In this lifestyle, you have to keep growing and creating new relationships and making new friends. If not, it can be a very isolating and a lonely, long time at your duty station.  I still have a lot of time to grow these new friendships and work on my old ones – I just have to learn to make time. Friendships, like marriages, take work on both sides. I am hoping I can work on that!

One of my biggest struggles as a military spouse has always been what I feel my personal sacrifice has been in order to follow my husband's career.

I put off graduate school and finding a career that I was truly proud of and passionate about.  We made so many moves during my husband’s first few years in the Marine Corps that I was only able to work a year before we were packing again. Each short-term job I held seemed to be missing something.

I worked in bartending, restaurant managing, personal training and health coaching. I enjoyed helping people but I wanted something more. I used our constant moving as an excuse to delay enrolling in school. Not only did the thought of additional school debt terrify me, but also I am terrible at making decisions. I used the military as a way to wiggle out of deciding on a master's degree.

Whether it is as simple as what to make for dinner or as monumental as choosing where to live, I cannot make decisions easily. I would rather someone else make the choice for me because I have a fear of making the wrong one. Hence, I could never decide on a master’s degree.

Now that we have settled into our new home, I have decided it’s finally time to stop making excuses for myself.  I over think things at times and never follow through with my crazy ideas. It’s time to just make a decision and follow through with it.

I cannot tell you how many different degree programs I have looked at in the last few years. I have tried to find a school and career path that would work with our military life. I have researched and talked in circles, always finding an excuse to put it off another year. It has now been eight years since I graduated from college. Life isn’t getting any easier.

So instead of making excuses, I decided to just pick something I enjoyed, and always wanted to do, and go with it. Everything else will fall into place but I need to just start. I am now registered and ready to begin my degree in counseling.

There is no reason why, as a military spouse and stay at home mom, I have to give up my personal aspirations. Why can’t I have it all?

Life is too short to put dreams on hold. Financially, it is time to start thinking about our future. I want to help provide for our family and I am fortunate enough to be able to stay at home while my boys are young.  I also want to be an example to my children. There is no reason why I cannot do this! So, I registered for classes and I begin in January.

I am terrified but excited at the same time.  Stay tuned friends, in a few short months I will be fulltime mom, Marine Corps wife and student! Not sure how I will manage all of these things but I know there are lots of other awesome spouses and mom’s doing it. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for my little family!

Even though I have been a military spouse for almost seven years, having my husband back in the fleet after a year of school has made me feel like a rookie military spouse all over again.

Except this time, I already know a handful of abbreviations and which days to avoid the commissary. And thanks to the furlough, that feels like it should be every day.

Our new unit seems pretty amazing and very family oriented, which is new for both of us. There are family fun runs every month and spouse and family events planned almost weekly. There is even a wine tasting planned in which the men babysit and the wives go out!

His old unit went through three or four family readiness officers in the four years we were there so there wasn’t much consistency. As a new wife, I jumped right in and tried to get involved but found myself more comfortable making friends with military wives on my own rather than in a large group. I remained friends with these women and we supported each other daily. I felt like I had the military network I needed.

Now, back in the fleet, my husband and I agreed we would go in with an open mind and try to be more involved. As the newest members to the battalion, it is intimidating to see bonds and friendships that already exist within the group. But, I cannot let that stop me or it will be a very long three years here! There will always be families coming and going and luckily everyone has been incredibly welcoming and helpful.

Most recently, I attended a spouse meeting in which upcoming events and fundraisers were discussed. I came home feeling motivated to be involved. Everyone’s thoughts and concerns were respected and there were so many ways to contribute.  

I was reminded that I will only get out of this unit what I put in. I have been struggling with whether or not to go back to work or continue my degree in higher education. I am struggling to find what my passion is outside of my family. I feel like being a part of this unit will give me some sort of fulfillment in that area - whether it be getting together with other wives, putting together care packages for the Marines that are deployed, attending homecomings or helping plan the USMC Birthday Ball, I can really benefit from being involved with this close knit unit.

I admit, doing this means I have to leave my comfort zone, but this feels like a good change. I feel like I am a part of something again. I have realized that being a military spouse is another hat I wear and I am looking forward to wearing that hat a little bit more.

The night after I started writing my last blog, we had our first ER trip in NC - followed by two rounds of the stomach bug, pink eye, ear infections and a busted lip.

And, it just so happened to be the week I cut out wine and coffee from my diet for one of those jump on the health bandwagon cleanses. Don’t worry friends, I haven’t hurt anyone and I don’t hate the world. We are still happy wanna-be southerners here!

But I’m not going to lie, it was a little stressful. Ok, a lot stressful. I am still adjusting to our new area and luckily our ER trip wasn’t a true emergency because I had a big mom/military spouse fail. I wasn’t sure of the closest hospital, I did not have emergency numbers posted or saved on my phone and I didn’t have my neighbors’ numbers.

The base is 40 minutes away which means my husband was not close by for guidance. And let’s be realistic, these things only happen when my Marine is away. So, the PCS lesson learned this year: get all emergency information compiled and ready before you have an actual emergency.

Once my kids were both sick, I also came down with something. Then my husband caught it and had a toothache which turned into two root canals! Yep, when it rains, it pours friends.

At the time, the days were pretty rough and very long but we survived. I think we had a record five doctor appointments in one week so I am thankful for Tricare these days (did I just say that?).  I definitely did not have some of my best mommy moments. I was pretty miserable but the beauty of having young kids is that they still love me despite those ugly moments and, hopefully, won’t remember the days when I may have lost my cool or when we didn’t get out of our pajamas and watched more Disney channel than should be allowed in one day.

The crazy roller coaster of illnesses got the best of me and I needed a break. Instead of holding it in, I admitted it to my husband, but he already knew and he had a plan.

As soon as we all recovered, we had a great weekend. My husband took the baby monitor away from me and I had 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep. The next morning I had fresh coffee made for me, an empty house and a solo grocery trip. It was heaven. The next day we visited the beach, had a pizza picnic and went to a concert in the park. Now, it’s Monday morning and I feel refreshed and ready to tackle this crazy life.

Whether it be deployments or just another day at home with the kids, the bad days can be pretty bad. But there is always a good day that follows. My Marine is always coming and going so I may not be able to take advantage of his help all the time.

Fortunately this time he was home and, unlike in the past, I accepted his offer of solo recovery time for me, away from the kids. Parenthood away from family and friends can be isolating at times. I have learned you can’t be afraid to ask for help - whether it be from your military family or your spouse. We all need a break now and then. We aren’t super heroes, even though at times it feels like we have to be.

Our calendar is beginning to fill with trainings, late nights and weekend work hours for my Marine.

Initially, the conversation between my husband and I about this new job and all that it entails stung a little bit. Long hours and nights apart are nothing new, but a year together while he attended school spoiled us all.

It is going to be a big change for our boys to experience Daddy being gone more and stuck with Mom instead all the time. My two-year-old idolizes everything Daddy does, like any little boy! He likes following Dad around the house or garage and helping with “man things”. The only thing I do in his toddler eyes is shop for food and make dinner. Sigh. 

Secretly, I don’t mind watching him turn into a daddy’s boy. There is nothing cuter then having your son think his daddy is a real hero.  I knew the schedule change was coming but I didn’t want accept it. And I definitely wasn’t quite ready to face it yet either.

But here we are, another late night this week and I really am ok, better than I expected actually. Yes, the days are exhausting but my mind has never been clearer and I feel calm - and happy.  Not to say I wasn't at our last duty station, but North Carolina is a fresh start for us - no cramped house, no newborn and nighttime feedings, no DC traffic.

No more dark cloud hanging over me. We have a clean slate. I could jump on the band wagon and complain about returning to a combat billet but it won't change anything. I know what is asked of me as a military spouse. We make sacrifices too and this is one of them.

So, I’ll put on my big girl pants and focus on our time together when my Marine is able to be with us. It can't be easy on him either and I think it is easy to forget that sometimes. As tough as it is on family, it is just as tough for them.  I know he is happy to actually be working again and no longer a student, but he must miss us too. At least I hope so!

He has so much to do all day I feel the least I could do is make the best of the situation and be a positive environment for my Marine to come home to. The house may be a mess, dinner may be burned or cold or not even made but we will be happy to see him no matter what time of day or night. I may have bad days (lots) and will definitely need to vent and allow myself to be frustrated but I can do it without placing blame on my Marine.

We are in this crazy life together after all. So bring it on Marine Corps, we are ready.

We have been in North Carolina for 10 days. The movers came and went, everything is unpacked and slowly finding a place in our new house. My husband is back in the swing of work and is coming home late every day. 

It's been an exhausting week but we are happy. Tired, but happy. Still, there were definitely bumps along the way.

This was my first move with two kiddos and it has definitely been challenging. I knew I would have a lot of work to do but I underestimated how much extra work my boys would create.

The baby is walking now which means he is running and getting into everything. My two-year-old says he loves his new house but he is out of his routine and acting out because of it. When he notices that we are busy he becomes a little Dennis the Menace to seek any sort of attention.

I buzzed around the house to get everything done. I thought, the quicker we were settled, the better we would all be. But between the kids’ acting out and my husband’s absence from home as he spent long days at work, I burned out quickly and spent a few nights sobbing. 

I have realized that being settled doesn't happen overnight. Just because you unpack your whole household in a day doesn't mean the move is over. It takes time to get into a new routine and make a home. My family comes first and I cannot do it all in a week. Our house is livable and pictures can be put up later. The closets can be sorted when the boys are in bed. The boxes of keepsakes and memories can wait for me in the garage. As much as my kids crave routine, so do I. 

Now, we are exploring playgrounds and things to do in our new little town. For the first time in a year we even have our own yard to play in. I played outside with my kids and found myself laughing for the first time in days. Being together and making new memories makes a home. Slowly but surely we will be "moved in" and settled. But for now, my family needs me and most importantly, I need them.

Tomorrow my husband leaves for the first time in over a year. A year ago, and with one less kid, this would have been easy.  But, after having a baby during a deployment and going through numerous, month-long trainings during our son’s first year, a week away is bound to feel like one really long day.  

Since then, we have been lucky enough to have an entire year with no trainings and no deployments. His time in this school has spoiled us and I have found myself wondering just how I am going to tackle a week alone with my two boys.

To be honest, a few months ago I would have been a nervous wreck, but we are in a good routine right now. But with a PCS around the corner, three weeks to be exact, I just don’t have it in me to stress about this. Things are about to get shaken up so I really am just trying to enjoy our last weeks here before the moving chaos begins.

I have already given myself the week off from PCS related duties. I am on strict survival mode. Happy kids and a happy mom is the goal! And maybe, I will take a couple of showers for myself. That’s not too much to ask for, is it?

Looking at the week ahead, my little boys and I will keep our normal routine during the day. Sticking to the routine is the key for us all, whether it be during trainings or deployments. Bath and bedtime may be tricky but there could be worse things than dirty kids in bed.

Then, after everyone is fast asleep (I sent the memo to the kids that they will sleep through the night all week), that leaves “me” time. Do I even remember what that is like?

I can stay up a little later. My husband goes to bed early so I feel like a teenager on spring break when he’s gone. I can also clean, uninterrupted.  I don’t enjoy cleaning per say, but a clean house makes me happy and starting the day on a good note (i.e. with a clean house) is key for my sanity.

I can also catch up on my ‘chick’ shows and enjoy some peace and quiet, guilt free. And, I can shower. It might be 11 at night, but I will have a chance to shower.

See, we can do this! I can do this. 

A lot of things can fall apart, go wrong or break during the week. That is usually what happens when my Marine is away. But no sense in worrying about that until it happens.

So for now, I will curl up on the couch in my favorite spot (missing my Marine of course) and watch every chick show on cable, guilt free - with clean hair. Hopefully.

Winter on the East Coast has not been kind to our family.

In the last two months we have been hit with the flu, stomach bugs and every respiratory illness in the book. This is my first cold and flu season with two kids and I am now officially a pro at getting a puking kid to the bathroom while simultaneously using one hand to give a squirmy baby a breathing treatment.  

As much as it stinks to not have family nearby to help, I do count my blessings. One perk of my husband being at this school and not in the fleet is that he comes home every night. The days may be long but I am lucky to have him for relief at the end of the day. No matter what kind of day I have, it always seems better knowing he will be home at the end of it.

As anxious as I am for our PCS, I also know these types of days, faced together, will come to an end.

We will be back to combat training, work ups and (gulp) deployment. Late dinners, solo bedtime and loneliness will be my new reality. I have been there before but after a year, it feels foreign to me.

As much as I have joked and complained about the school my husband has been in for the last year, it’s been refreshing to have him home every night and for so long. I am not sure I could have survived the switch from having one kid to two without him here every day.

We had been looking forward to a week of vacation between his graduation and arriving at his new command so we could visit family and settle in at our new home.

However, his new command wants him to start work right away. So our lengthy break has turned into a weekend drive to the new duty station.

What does that mean for my boys and me? We get to sit in an empty house while we wait a week or so for our belongings to arrive.  I already have nightmares of the movers showing up while I chase the kids by myself and try to keep track of inventory and conditions of all of our belongings.

My imagination is running wild as I write this. Can you feel my panic yet?

Before I allow myself to go any further, I close my eyes and tell myself to stop. I haven’t even thought of what is for dinner tonight (it’s 4:30pm) and I am worried about things two months away that I have no control over.

I know better than this - I can only focus one day at a time.

Tonight my husband will be home for dinner, he will get to play cars with his boys and help with our nighttime routine. Tonight, I am not alone.

I have to remember to stay in the moment. I have no idea what changes this new move will bring but I do know what the next few weeks will be like: I have my family together each night.

Moving is stressful, military or not. But I can’t stress yet. I need to focus on right now. At the end of the day, and all the challenges that arise, we will get through it.  We always do.