And suddenly I was put in the position to hire someone.

And I knew exactly who it wouldn’t be.

My office has a position for a part-time worker this summer. And I have to choose. Acquaintances dropped hints. Friends outright asked. People I barely knew assumed I would offer it to them.

And I began to see them all through a completely different lens. I knew my neighbor would never arrive at time, since she was always stumbling in at the last minute to every local event. I feared that mom at school couldn’t be trusted to even show up since she has missed so many meetings and playdates before. 

The neighborhood teen who might have been great also had a tendency to pass up opportunities because she had “plans” or wanted to “hang out.” Building her resume always lost out to whatever was playing on television that night.

One by one as I looked around it was hard to find someone who possessed the basic skills we were looking for.

And that is the danger of networking. Don’t get me wrong, networking is great. It can open doors and introduce you to people you would otherwise never have met. Networking in many circles is the number one way to secure a job.

But, you have to remember that every opportunity to meet up with others is a chance to network. And when you stumble in, 20 minutes late and completely unprepared, on a consistent basis, someone in the crowd is going to remember.

And just because someone loves you as a friend doesn’t mean they would love to hire you.

I ended up hiring someone from a crowd of resumes, someone who had taken the time to present themselves professionally and with excitement for the job. Meanwhile my friends cried foul and complained that I should have just given it to them.

There are job opportunities all around us. The simple act of networking through your friends can lead to boundless opportunities.

Just don’t forget, your friends know you best. What exactly do they know about you? If your friend politely declined to hire you, it may be time to take a look inside, find out why and work on improving it. 

The babysitter cancelled. So the two toddlers headed to work to me, which today was at a school out on an island, across a long bridge and very far from much of anything.

We were locked out of the building, the wind was whipping, papers were blowing. Toddler number one had to pee. Toddler number two blew out her diaper, bad. Toddler number one peed her pants.

The event ran late - two hours late. The toddlers screamed, cried, ranted, raved.

And then, the virus that had plagued my house for two weeks, that the two screaming toddlers had just overcome; the virus I thought I had managed to dodge with zealous hand washing and OJ drinking, struck.

I threw up. Everywhere.

And then, it moved south, if you know what I mean.

Finally, it was time to go. We loaded up. The battery was dead.

A little more than 45 minute later, the local police arrived to jump us. I couldn't leave the seat of my vehicle to greet them. It was icky, if you know what I mean.

And, I forgot I had left the super nasty diaper on top of my SUV so we wouldn't have to smell it inside the whole time. The cops definitely noticed.

The hour and a half ride seemed like an eternity as I fought to keep the urge to vomit at bay and tried to convince the screaming toddlers, that seriously, we were almost home.

And at home, the dog had torn up the garage. The cat had puked on the carpet. And my oldest son was puking too.

My youngest son was in tears. It was 9 p.m. and he needed a costume of Hawaii's King Kamehameha by 8 a.m. the next morning for school. 

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

And sometimes, that happens.

But sunrise the flow of sickness had subsided. The costume was done, if not perfect and the messes were cleaned up.

It's going to be a fantastic, wonderful, very good day.

I need to take a moment to brag about my longtime friend, and fellow military spouse, Bonnie.

When her husband left the Marines more than five years ago, he was welcomed into the civilian world with repeated "no's" at interviews and job prospects that could never pay the bills for their young family of six.

They struggled. They missed payments. They chose between things like food, clothes and electricity each month. The amount they owned quickly grew into a mountain and the amount they had, no matter how hard Bonnie and her husband worked, seemed to never be able to overcome.

Eventually, he was forced to leave his family and work overseas for two years for little more than he would have made at the fast food restaurant up the street that refused to hire him. Bonnie found work too. In an office, making minimal money, doing minimal stuff.

But instead of doing only what she had to, and getting out the door to go home and handle the couple's four children and manage the household with her husband overseas, Bonnie stayed longer hours. Worked harder.

She began looking at her job with the question, "What can I do to make this company better?"

When the branch in Texas began having problems Bonnie was asked to fly out there and see what the problem was.

She spent one week in that office. It was a business trip, away from the pressures of daily life at home, with her meals paid for  and a hotel all to herself.

But she spent little time in the hotel and ate most of her meals at her desk, if she ate at all. She was too busy re-organizing the highly dysfunctional branch. She was interviewing employees and putting together a comprehensive report of what needed to change to bring the operation there up to speed. She did everything from forge new relationships with customers to clean the bathrooms which had never once been cleaned.

In that one week that Bonnie took control, that branch, which had consistently lost money over a two-year period, made $200,000.

When she returned home, she put together a power point presentation for her boss and his associates. She called a meeting. He expected a quick run-down with little detail. She gave him a comprehensive report that gave him, in detail, the needs, cost and outcome that was possible with that office.

And when she was done speaking, the CEO said, "So basically, what we need there, is you."

When Bonnie told me this story, I had goose bumps. My friend, who took this job she really didn't like out of desperation to feed her family, was able to look around, figure out what need she could fill for this company and work her tail off to fill it.

And when she did it, the company took notice.

They promoted her.

They moved her and her family across country. Unlike military moves, they paid for every meal, no questions asked. They paid for her gas, they paid a company to move her 6-person household with no weight limits. They gave them 30 days in a hotel and they can stay even after their new house is set up, you know, just so they have time to really unpack.

They gave her a raise.

They gave her a giant budget, and said, do your magic, make this office profitable.

This my friends is what the actual American dream looks like.

It was a tough road. It was a road filled with heartache and hungry stomachs and long hours. It was a road that left this couple separated for years as they desperately attempted to make enough money to pay down their bills and live together again.

Bonnie just didn't work at a job, she worked to better herself and do a better job. She worked not just to be noticed but because the job needed done, desperately.

And when it was all over, the company did take notice and gave my dear friend the promotion, the raise and the workload that she deserved.  And from here, she can only keep moving upward.

This can be you. This can be all of us.

But first, you have to understand that your job, is more than just the place you go from 9 to 5. Put passion into your work, find a way to be the best at what you do, to fill a need for your company. Be the solution and management will take notice.

My heart is bursting with pride for my sweet friend Bonnie and her family. After years of struggle and long hours they are breaking through the muck, thriving, growing and finally receiving the kudos they deserve.

Bonnie told me as they stopped for a break at our house during the cross-country journey to her new office that it was weird for everything to be on her. As a military spouse, and the daughter of a retired Marine, she was used to every move, every job, every family decision coming from the military, and ultimately, the man of the house.

Now, it was all on Bonnie. It was all civilian-based and she was in control. On Monday, she would be heading in to work while her husband unpacked the dishes. The flip in roles was different and a little unnerving, she said.

But Bonnie, you got this. And for military spouses everywhere, so do you. Keep moving forward. It can only get better.

Currently, if a service member is a convicted sex offender, no one outside the courtroom has to know about it.

They don’t register with local authorities, as civilian offenders are required to do or face penalty. They do not show up on those handy internet searches that tell parents where the closest offenders live. And when they leave the service, it is easy for them to simply disappear into civilian life – and attack again.

Members of the House of Representatives introduced a bill this week that requires the DOD to create and publish a database of all convicted military sex offenders.

This is not just a good idea, it is a great idea.

According to Stars and Stripes, the bill was prompted by an investigation by the Scripps news service that found that 242 military sex offenders, of 1,300 cases, were never recorded on any public registry. No one in the public knows who they are. No one knows where they live.

Officials told the paper there is a high rate of repeat offenders among those convicted of a sexual crime. Registries kept by local and federal authorities are open to the public to give people the opportunity to know where danger may be lurking and steer clear of that individual. But military offenders simply disappear.

And in some cases, they remain in the military, even after conviction. If you search online for sex offenders who live in military house, you will find nothing. There are no records.

Often, parents on military bases have a false sense of security. There is a guard at the gate. Everyone who lives here is military and on the same team? Right?

You could be wrong. Sex offenders live on base. But currently, you have no idea where.

This bill, will let you know. And as a parent with children who roam the neighborhood with their buddies, or a spouse whose husband is deployed most of the time, you deserve to know who is lurking along your sidewalk.

It is time to take back control of our neighborhoods.

Contact your senators and representatives. Ask them to vote in favor of this issue. There is no reason for sex offenders to use the military to hide their crimes and seize that as an opportunity to strike again. There is no reason for the families who support our nation’s warriors to be in danger in their own homes.

A mother slit her three very young children’s throats last week.

She was also a military spouse. This fact was noted at the very bottom of the story, right beside the fact that her husband had recently returned from deployment.

Officers said she repeated the phrase, “he never helps,” referring to her husband.

I want her, and every other young military spouse, to know they are not alone. This is a very difficult life.

The military upper echelon can sing their own praises all they want and brag about the support networks and the help they make available to military families. But when it comes down to it, getting that help isn’t always easy.

When you move, it’s hard to make friends to build that support network. To find people you can call at midnight and say, please, just please take my screaming children for five minutes. I am at a breaking point. People judge. People talk. Especially in military neighborhoods. It can be hard to know who is really there to help, and who is there to gossip.

When you move, you can’t just slide into life on base and drop your kids off at hourly care when you are at your breaking point. You have to file paperwork, bring shot records, get your husband’s signature, who by the way, may already be deployed. When we moved to Fort Bragg it took officials there a full year to process the paperwork that would allow my children to be left in hourly care.

One year. It took one year for an office worker to pick up my packet, open it, look for the four pieces of paper I had to turn in and stamp it as approved. This took 365 days.

Our military families have reached a breaking point.

And unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time. A spouse in Florida last year also killed her two children. Friends remarked that they had no idea. Military police are kept busy every single day tending to domestic issues on base.

I say, this is because we as a community are very bad at doing what we claim to do best: supporting each other.

Military communities are full of people who gossip and judge each other. There is a fear that appearing as though you can’t keep your home life together will harm your military member’s career.

Spouses are left home to handle everything: kids, house, yard, the mountains of paperwork that have to be filed in triplicate just to get some help. When the unit comes home the men can’t help or won’t help. They are tired, they are injured, they are back out in the field as soon as they return.

The young mother also allegedly told officers that her husband becomes angry when the children, a 2-year-old and 6-month-old twins, cry.

Officials tend to forget that when soldiers come home broken from their wartime duty, they take out their frustrations on their families. They don’t deal well with crying and screaming babies, again, leaving the spouse to handle his lingering PTSD as well as needy children.

There can seem like there is no end in sight.

The military is not going to change. The military is not going to stop requiring that you file dozens of papers and wait months to get that much needed help. The machine is tangled so tightly in its own red tape that only a change in attitude from the top down will give spouses the real help they need.

I, unfortunately, believe that will never happen.

We have to make changes from the bottom up.

Your sisters in arms need help. Knock on the door. Be a friend, a real friend who is willing to listen and not just get info to gossip.

Don’t assume you are being too pushy by checking in on the new family. Check in, talk with her, be present in the moment. Sometimes that can make all the difference, and even save a young life. 

It has finally happened.

My children are settled.

After six military moves in 14 years, they like where we have landed for retirement. And my husband and I are breathing a sigh of relief.

Our last move was a gamble. We had never lived in this state or this part of the country. But we were both offered great jobs – an oddity as most military families know – and we couldn’t pass up the steady paychecks in favor of continuing to search aimlessly, moving from town to town like Goldilocks in search of the perfect fit.

So we went.

Everything about this place is different than any place we had lived before: the food, the long drawn out words, the manners, the catchphrases.

We’ve lived in unusual places, where the neighborhoods, customs and even the language was completely foreign. Our children did well. They assimilated and had fun but they were never settled. They dealt, they thrived but if you asked them point blank if they wanted to stay forever, the answer was a resounding, no.

This morning as I was looking over lovely, snow-covered photos my friends had sent from my New England hometown I mentioned, half-jokingly, to my husband that we should move there next.

“No.”

Across the room my son repeated again, “No. I like it here. I don’t want to move.”

And just like that, we were done. We had found our home.

The kids have made friends they don’t want to leave. They are active in clubs and activities that they want to see through for more than a few semesters. They have found their perfect fit.

And as far as I’m concerned, it is just right.

I cheated on my Advocare lady.

There, I said it.

I needed a product. This other Advocare guy works with my husband and could have it to me that afternoon. No shipping. No waiting. Immediate gratification.

And not to mention, there are Advocare ladies everywhere. And Scentsy. And Pampered Chef. And everything else you attend a party to purchase.

Anyone else feeling just a little overwhelmed by the amount of catalog party invitations they receive in their Facebook inbox?

They come in waves: Pampered Chef, 31 and Scentsy seem to be settling down. The consultants who are following through, working hard and actually making money have risen above those who thought it was an easy dollar and fell apart after the first few orders. You place some orders, make your friends feel good, find a consultant you can trust and file that away for later.

 Then, boom! Origami Owl arrives. Once. And then again from another friend. And then from another.

Seriously, do they not look around to see just how many other consultants are living on a single block in a military neighborhood before ordering the $150 starter kit and filling up everyone’s inbox with party invitations?

Personally, I’m not even sure how they make any money. I’m not a sales person at heart. And I don’t frankly care if you are using the latest and greatest of the newest line of bakeware to serve me dinner or monogrammed towels for me to wipe my dirty mug on. Just feed me.

I tried to sell Avon once, years ago when my husband and I were first married. That ended badly. Turns out he was most likely an Arab trader in a former life because he’s a lot better at negotiating a sales deal than me. And women seemed to like buying their nail polishes from a 6-foot-tall, 200-pound soldier in full uniform. Yeah, that got a little weird after a while and we wrapped that business venture up.

 But now, these at-home, sell to your friend businesses are everywhere. And military spouses who are considering signing up as a consultant, for the easy money, need to think again, and think hard. This is a business. You have to work. You have to build contacts and networks and be willing to stand at the community craft fair and open houses to book those parties. Parties with people you don’t know.

Eventually, your friends are not going to need any more rubber spatulas or monogrammed, insulated lunch bags for their kiddos. And you will be on your own.

Before you turn sign up to be yet another consultant on the block, do your homework. Google the phrase, “direct sales” and “home party sales.” You will find a plethora of information regarding the best companies to work for, the most popular, projections for those companies and even a list of companies by interest (food, home décor, jewelry, etc) and the start-up cost for each so you can compare.

A good resource to check is http://homepartyrankings.com/, an independent group that tracks what companies are trending, moving up in popularity and falling in popularity – a good thing to know if you want to corner the market in your neighborhood.

There is money to be made hocking goods around town, especially on payday on a military base. Just make sure you are doing your due diligence to build a business, not a one-time order among your friends.

2015 may be the year of the mouse for you. Or, it may be the year of the Grand Canyon. Or New York City. Or Germany. Or heck, it may be time to finally drive down the street and see what that little mom and pop- run, county history museum really is.

 Get out. See. Do.

But when you go, don’t forget to use your military discounts.

Military families travel a lot. We are adventurous. We are willing to spend the money and do the outrageous. The travel industry knows this and the love us for it.

They are also willing to reward us.

Military travel basic level: ask for a military discount when you are at the ticket booth, hotel check in and other locations.

Military travel master level: Call ahead and get all the discounts you are entitled to, and, even book through companies that cater only to military.

To kick off your trip planning, visit http://www.military.com/Travel/Home/

Here, Military.com has partnered with the travel community to offer larger discounts to military members (active, reserve, National Guard and retired) who book through their site.

If National Parks are on your list this year, don’t plan your trip without first visiting www.recreation.gov

Military members and their families can now receive an annual pass to the National Parks service for free, a perk that costs civilians $80. This pass will give you access to 2,000 places and waives the entrance fee for your entire family, though it doesn’t wave any additional fees inside the park such as tram costs, etc.

Sea World continues to offer free and discounted tickets to active duty members only. For more information about their program visit www.herosalute.com.

One of my favorite sites for military travel discounts is www.afvclub.com, the Armed Forces Vacation Club.

The club is operated by MWR and is open to members of all services. They specialize in Space A travel, which fits the military family travel plan pretty nicely. Pop on the site, look for a location. When you find what you want, and book through them, you pay $349 for the week, any time of year, any location.

I didn’t believe it either. But there are thousands of locations. And because they are Space A, they change every day. Seriously, a week in South Africa, Europe, Australia or Florida, $349.

And don’t forget, military discounts are helpful for those trips close to home.

When we lived on base, I browsed the travel office at least once a week to see what discount tickets they had for upcoming local events. Now that my husband is retired, and we live an hour away, it slipped my mind to check with MWR before I purchased pricey tickets for Disney on Ice.

I won’t make that mistake again. The military discount would have shaved nearly 60 percent off the cost.

Happy travels!

Paperwork. You receive lots of it as a military family. Keep it.

The military loves a paper trail. It thrives on the red tape that requires you to produce a shot record from three military hospitals ago for your child who is now 17 and requires no shots. Military officials want everything documented and proof that it was documented – in triplicate.

Some of this, I think is a little ridiculous.

PCS orders and shipping documents, however, never, ever throw them away- even after your service member has kicked his boots to the side and retired for good.

I had heard tale of soldiers who had received a bill for moving their household goods years after they retired. There was the story of the sergeant major from his old unit (though no one could seem to recall his name) who had moved to Maine and was only authorized to move as far as Texas when he retired.

As the story goes, he received a bill for the entire move $13,000, payable now.

There have been other rumors and tales of woe and warning passed down over the years. I believed them, sort of.

When we left our last duty station for retirement, I dutifully checked to make sure we were moving to an area within our authorized region – no further than his home of record.

I kept every shipping document, weight tally and list of professional goods that we were allowed.

And I’m glad I did.

Seven months after settling into retired life with nary a word from Uncle Sam, we received a bill, from the Army for overages on our shipping allowance: $2,700, payable now.

Gah!

The only thing that saved us from paying it was the fact that in the bottom of our last suitcase, still unpacked I might add, was a heap of documents that showed that $2,700 was accounted for in his professional gear, a cost we were not required to pay.

One fax later and the problem was fixed.

This story would have a very different ending if I hadn’t saved that paperwork. There would have been a lot of tears, swearing and calls to government officials that would have ended the same way: no paperwork proof (in triplicate) means you pay the fine.

So friends, as you head into 2015 with a resolution to clean up, clean out and organize, don’t, just don’t throw that military paperwork aside. Buy a nice plastic box, dump it in, seal it up, scrawl the words “military stuff” across the top and hope you never have to go looking for it in a panic.

And if you do, trust me, it could mean the difference between losing thousands of dollars or simply faxing a single sheet of paper.

Happy New Year! Did you make a resolution? Did you break it already? It's ok. It happens.

But here is a resolution you should and can keep: stay updated on legislation related to military issues and pay.

I know. Big words. Confusing government red tape. And, it's not exactly exciting reading material.

But it's important. And we, as military families, are on the chopping block.

The government spends too much on defense. This has been re-iterated by every budget analyst and government hack for the past several years. It's tough to cut weapons, ships and vehicles.

What's left? Military families.

They will, can and have cut our benefits. And more is coming. Unless, we make a resolution to pay attention, speak up and stand up for ourselves.

Some of the past cuts have been small. So much that after a week or two we ceased to notice. The arts and crafts center on base was shut down. The staff family readiness coordinators were pink-slipped, hours were cut at the commissary.

These changes stink, but we can live with them.

Now, budget analysts want health care benefits for military families slashed as well as pay for retirees. They want military families to take on the brunt of the extra costs and pull them out of their own pockets.

Friends, those pockets are already empty. It's time to pay attention. Make a resolution to be aware of what your government is doing, to know who your representatives are and how they are voting on military issues.

Start by visiting military.com's legislative center at http://capwiz.com/military/issues/bills/

There, each individual bill is easily broken down into palatable language so you know what the bill gives, or takes, from military family members.

At Salute to Spouses we will also profile one of these pieces of legislation each month so our readers can more closely follow the issues that are most important to military families.

We know as military spouses your day is already full. You've resolved to exercise more, cut out those sweets, swear less and love more. But shouldn't you take just a little time each week to fight for the benefits your military spouse has earned on the front lines? Make this resolution, and keep it.

My friends and I signed up for 365.org