When you read job notices, sometimes they all start to look the same. Read the same. Sound the same.

Most include phrases such as: must have good driving records, be a self-starter,  fast-paced environment, good communication skills.

But what do those key words actually mean? You can read between the lines to find out what duties the job you are applying for may include.

Purdue University's Online Writing Lab (OWL) has assembled a list of common phrases found in job advertisements and how to understand what they mean. The OWL is a free service that the university offers to anyone who visits the site. It includes information on grammar, research and citation, and job search writing.

The site can be found at: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/

The OWL job search site outlines definitions for phrases commonly found in job advertisements. Some examples:

Self-starter - You most likely will work without a lot of supervision

Good-driving record - You can count on delivering items for the company. If the ad stipulates an excellent driving record, the items you carry are probably worth more.

Entry-level position - You are the newest guy in the company and will be paid as such. If you are new to an industry or have no experience, this is most likely the level you will be hired at.

For a look at more specific definitions for those generic job search terms, visit the OWL article at

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/34/39/114/

We are on a mini-vacation this week, headed to a friend’s wedding in Arkansas.

I took the entire week off from my job to prepare, pack, clean out the car and get us on the road for the 10-hour journey.

On Monday, I set off to check each item on my list, and was sucked back into work - answering phone calls, emails and “urgent” text messages from my office that really could have waited. By the time I finished with my non-work day, it was dinner time and I hadn’t prepared a thing for our trip.

On Tuesday, I woke up determined to tune out my office and tune in to my family. By noon, I was finally able to turn off my computer, though the text messages kept rolling in. And when I tried to ignore them, the text buzz turned to phone calls.

And on Wednesday, the day we were scheduled to leave as soon as school let out, I had three days’ worth of tasks left to complete. And, I was exhausted. We postponed our departure and my husband and I worked through the night to wash clothes, dishes, pack the car, prep the dogs and re-schedule hotel reservations.

I had let my job win. Now, sure, there are times when you can’t put your work aside. Even when you are scheduled to be out for the day, you really need to answer that email or place that phone call. This, however, was not one of those times. I let my co-workers pull me back in. They didn’t feel like waiting and they knew I would cave.

So, on Thursday, I turned off the computer. And I didn’t even pack it. Did you hear that? I didn’t bring my laptop. Gasp, the horror. I know. And, I turned off my phone. Off, completely - didn’t even use it to take photos. I carried an actual camera.

It. Felt. Awesome.

We spent the entire day talking to our kids, well, yelling at our kids really and telling them no, we are not there yet, but I didn’t speak with a co-worker for the entire day. The entire day!

I didn’t check my email. I didn’t wonder who needed what. I just let it go.

And to be a productive employee, when you take those vacation days, you actually need to go on vacation – and turn off the phone. And the text. And the email.

You need to allow yourself to take a break. To walk away. To spend time with your family that isn’t peppered by you answering texts and emails on your phone. There is a time to be an employee and a time to be a mom and a wife.

It took me three days to realize I was using my vacation hours to hang out with my job. Make sure you use your vacation hours to leave the job behind.

Are you a student? And a mom. And a wife. And a daughter. And an employee. And a volunteer. And, well, simply exhausted?

Far too often we put everyone and everything else first in our lives. We put even our simplest needs on the backburner: sleep, enough water, enough veggies, enough exercise.

We have a new blog for you that is going to help put you first.

We want to welcome blogger Christine Cioppa. Christine is a long-time health columnist and now works as a stay-at-home mom and wife who is balancing family and freelance writing.

She will report on health issues for Salute to Spouses and focus on how working moms who are heading back to school can stay healthy and happy through the entire year.

Christine's Blog, Be Healthy, can be found on our page every Thursday morning.

Check in with her, take a deep breath and learn what small changes you can make to ease those hectic, stress-filled days and make your health a priority. Every Thursday our focus is you!

Drafters of the military budget have put military families squarely in the crosshairs. Now, they may do the same to veterans.

A cornerstone of the proposal to slim the military budget is the notion that military families should be paying more out of pocket expenses – everywhere. Housing costs will rise, long-time, all-inclusive fees such as monthly electric and water bills are now paid separately by military families. Commissary benefits are on the chopping block as is free medical care for military families who stay within the Tricare system.

This week an independent auditor told members of Congress that the Department of Veterans Affairs should scale back costs as well, by treating veterans only for specialized care, and sending everyone else to civilian providers.

The Stars and Stripes reports that the agency has commissioned 137 individual studies over the years to find ways to fix the agency. The latest report cost $68 million and outlined the changes that the VA should make in 4,000 pages.

None of this is a surprise. The Stars and Stripes also reports that on average, of the 5.8 million veterans who are VA patients, those individuals receive less than 50 percent of their care from the VA.

Our family has seen this trend among our veteran friends.

My husband cannot get an appointment. His friends cannot get appointments. They are sent to nearby civilian doctors and hospitals instead. For my husband’s most recent spinal surgery, there was not a VA facility within 500 miles that had the capability to do it. He was sent to a civilian instead.

Is sending veterans to civilian providers a good idea? As the spouse of an injured soldier, I say yes. Since he has been allowed to go to a civilian his care has been better and delivered faster.

However, I worry about the red tape that will come with this change. We have received bills from these civilian providers. Bills that are supposed to be paid by the VA. The VA has dragged their feet on handling the paperwork, even though we have repeatedly called and begged them to make arrangements with the hospital.

The bills have been reported to our credit bureaus. So now, the VA has created a credit problem for the veteran they were supposed to help.

What happens when doctors and hospitals begin to refuse to take VA patients because of the inability of the VA to process paperwork and payments? Tricare families already face this issue. We have been told more than once by a civilian doctor that they refuse Tricare because they simply never see the payment.

At that point, veterans will be left without care on the outside, or inside the VA. What do they do then?

The overhauling of the VA system is a process veterans and their spouses need to watch carefully. As leaders there try to walk a fine line between providing the best care and balancing an out of control budget, veterans may be the ones to suffer.

Walking into the lunchroom on the first day of a new job can feel a bit like being the new kid at school.

You don’t know who to sit by. Or where.

For those of us with the slightest bit of an introverted personality, sometimes it is easier to sit at our desk and read a book. Or just keep working as we munch on our sandwich.

Don’t.

One of the most important career moves you can make for yourself is to take the time at lunch to get to know your co-workers. Ask them about their lives, tell them about yours.

If you are uncomfortable talking about your personal life, find out about their professional life. How did they come to this company, what have they learned, what are their goals?

As we have PCS’d from place to place my first friends have almost always been those I’ve made at work. This year our office hired an intern from across the country.

I remember my days as an intern fondly. Lots to do, lots to learn, lots of mistakes. But it was a glorious time of learning and exploring and reaching out beyond my boundaries. I made lifelong friends and mentors. I loved it.

But for our new intern, the Deep South is a tough transition from her home in the Pacific Northwest. She was stunned. She was homesick. And rather than reach out to us, every day at lunch she shut her office door. She left early. We barely heard her at all.

Rather than learn about her new environment, she made fun of it. Our pleasant small talk was met with ridicule and attitude.

And suddenly, she was alone.

When she needed help, the tight-knit office that had worked together for a decade wasn’t interested.

Ouch.

Another employee and I who had only started in the last year approached her to talk about how important those professional relationships are and how she could work toward building them with her new co-workers.

She roller her eyes slightly. Oh, that’s going great. I think I’ve done a great job of that. We talk all the time, she told us.

The icy reception she receives every time she walks through the lobby tells us otherwise.

She is going to have a very long, lonely year.

Reach out to your co-workers. They are your friends, your confidantes and your biggest supporters for eight hours of the day, or more.  When you shut them out, you intentionally make every day on the job much harder than it needs to be.

Last year my son's pee wee football coach suddenly died.

He was young. Funny. Friendly. I loved that he was my son's coach because he seemed to understand my son's often difficult behavioral issues. He was good with the boys. He and his family were adored in our community.

The heartbreak felt across our military community for his young widow, left with four little children, was palatable. The task in front of her was huge. And it started with having to suddenly PCS across the Pacific, handle the funeral, the flux of family and suddenly the inevitable moment alone that was to come when she realized now, it was just her.

It was weeks before most of us realized this was not a sudden training accident or illness. He had committed suicide.

Shock. More tears. Questions.

This month is National Suicide Prevention Month. In 2013, suicide was the tenth leading cause of death for Americans. One person died by their own hand every 12.8 minutes. That same year, the Department of Defense announced that about 22 veterans were committing suicide every, single day. 

Earlier this month, this young service member's wife posted a pointed message. The only one she has ever posted regarding his passing. She wrote,

September is suicide awareness month. It's a month that should be acknowledged. It's a month that should be talked about. I never imagined I'd ever be affected by something like that. There is help. And there is hope. And there are a ton of different resources to use if you ever feel so low that you can't pull yourself out. Use them.

And she is right.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention lists these suicide warning signs:

If a person talks about:

• Killing themselves.
• Having no reason to live.
• Being a burden to others.
• Feeling trapped.
• Unbearable pain.

 A person’s suicide risk is greater if a behavior is new or has increased, especially if it’s related to a painful event, loss, or change.

• Increased use of alcohol or drugs.
• Looking for a way to kill themselves, such as searching online for materials or means.
• Acting recklessly.
• Withdrawing from activities.
• Isolating from family and friends.
• Sleeping too much or too little.
• Visiting or calling people to say goodbye.
• Giving away prized possessions.
• Aggression.

 People who are considering suicide often display one or more of the following moods.

• Depression.
• Loss of interest.
• Rage.
• Irritability.
• Humiliation.
• Anxiety.

There is help, 24 hours a day.

Contact:

• —  Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
• —  Psychiatric hospital walk-in clinic
• —  Hospital emergency room
• —  Urgent care center/clinic
• —  Call 911

The Veteran's Crisis Line is available every day, all day and night:

1-800-273-8255 and press 1

If someone you know is suffering reach out, make the call for them if you have to. Every minute counts. You can help change their future.

One of my dearest friends messaged me in a panic last week. Her daughter is heading to kindergarten.

Should she stay at the private school she loved, but would have to leave at the end of the year for first grade? Should she head into the unknown, public school, first grade? Would she be behind the curve when it came to making friends if she stayed in the private school? What if the kids at the new school didn’t like her?

What if she didn’t like them?

What if?

Kindergarten can be hard. For grownups.

We’ve now processed three of our five children through the first day of kindergarten. For us, each new beginning has been easier. There are less tears and more high-fiving in the parking lot when my husband and I realize we arrived at this milestone with less bumps and bruises each time.

But for my dear friend, delivering her firstborn to the threshold of the future, 18 years that are going to whiz by in a blink, the unknown was overwhelming.

And to her I say. That is ok.

Let yourself cry when she walks through that door. Be worried for her. Be attentive. Listen when she speaks and hear what she is saying when she comes home at night.

Guide her, advise her. Go through her bookbag.

Ask who she sits with at lunch and hang on every word as she discusses the difference in the My Little Pony characters that one friend likes but that another friend doesn’t.

Correct her when necessary. Praise her when deserved. 

But, also, let her go.

She will trip. Let her pick herself up.

She will fail. Let her. And then, help her learn why she failed and how to do better in the future.

A friend will betray her. Let it happen. And then help her understand how words hurt and why kindness to others is so important.

She will want to take risks. Let her. She will learn.

She will want to make friends with someone not like her. Invite this person to dinner. Teach her to respect the beautiful, colorful, cultural differences of our world.

Stand by her side, not in front of her.

For grownups who know the dangers of the world, that first step is terrifying.

For a kindergartener, that first steps means opportunity and magic.

Let her seize her moment and soar.

As it turns out, my friend’s daughter surprised us all and decided she wanted to leave behind the comfort of her private preschool/ kindergarten that she loved and move to the public school.

She was ready for the big school. She was ready for the challenge. She was excited.

World, watch out. The kindergarteners have begun their path to greatness.

And mom, stand back and enjoy. The best is yet to come.

Twice now, I have seen the future of job seeking, and I don’t like it.

The first time, we were in a big box store. A 20-something gal was toting a screaming child in a stroller. She was stretched out across the customer service counter top, attempting to fill out the store’s application while the baby attempted to drive her nuts. He was winning.

The applicant hushed the child, grumbled at the child and emphasized to the screaming toddler that, “Can’t you see Mommy is getting a job?” I’m guessing he only understood that he was tired, and that was the end of his interests.

Again and again the applicant tried to speak with the manager. She smiled, batted her eyes and virtually begged for the job, and occasionally turned away to swat at the little boy.

Days later, at a restaurant, a teenage boy was filling out an application at a pizza joint we frequent. He sat back in the booth and gulped down pizza while he answered the questions. He seemed less interested in filling it out completely and more interested in the free pizza the manager offered him and the game playing on the television.

When the manager sat down to speak to him, the teen continued to eat and answer questions with a mouth full of food. We could hear his answers to typical questions: when can you work, why do you want to work here? His answers were goopy, pizza-filled responses that had little substance and a lot of chewing. Since he was wearing a baggy t-shirt and jeans, he looked more like he was there for the free pizza than the job opportunity.

This is not how you apply for a job.

How you represent yourself, from the moment you pick up the application, is how the employer, especially a minimum wage employer, may see you. Every time you return to that restaurant or store is a chance to make an impression.

And just because it is a minimum wage, starter job, does not mean you should show up appearing less than prepared and ready. You want to convince the management that you should be hired not because you can fill an empty, 8-hour shift, but because you have potential to grow in the company.

When applying for an hourly job, remember:

1. Pick up the application and take it home to fill out. You do not have to be in a suit and tie to do this, but don’t show up in your cutoffs and tank top either.
2. Try not to bring distractions to any part of the application process. This includes, children, pets and even your cell phone.
3. Dress to impress. Applying for an $8 an hour job slinging greasy fries? Wear a suit, or the nicest outfit you own. They know you can handle this job. They are looking for applicants who can be groomed to move into management positions.
4. If the management offers you free food, don’t take it. Politely decline. If you they insist on bringing you a plate, at a minimum, stop eating during the interview process. Nothing says amateur like answering why you are a perfect fit for their company while splattering tiny bits of cheese all over the boss.
5. If you eat or shop at this place regularly, behave. Before and after your interview management may notice you, and how you scream at your kids through every, single, aisle.

It may be a just a minimum wage job, but employers are still looking for the best employees they can find. These hourly workers often become shift managers and store managers. Be sure you not only show them how valuable you can be today but also what your potential is in the future.

Anyone else exhausted?

If your kids started school this week, I'm willing to bet you are propping your eyelids open this morning with the help of a cup of coffee.

Because they didn't just start school. They also probably started football practice, cheer practice, dance lessons. You had to fill out paperwork on the first day, the second day, the third day. You had to mark school picture days and homecoming on the calendar.

Shoes and clothes that were set out nicely in preparation for the first day of class are now being dug out of the laundry basket in a hasty game of, where is my uniform shirt?

Lunches made with care and proper proportions, set out the night before are now hastily being thrown together in the morning with a stern reminder to just eat what they give you in the lunch line and be happy you eat at all.

You were probably late for work, at least once.

You have already probably had to re-arrange your schedule to account for an upcoming cross country meet or meet the teacher night you were not aware of.

You have probably definitely missed your work out, at least once.

And you have fallen into bed without brushing your teeth more than you would like to admit.

It's ok.

The first day of school means big changes for our children, and, for us.

Gone are the days of mismatched summer clothes and eating dinner at 8 p.m. They can't take naps at summer day care anymore and they are raging baby bears when we wake them at 6:30 now in time for the bus.

We are hustling to keep up with all the havoc that comes with a school schedule: Early up, late to bed after fights over homework and extra-curricular activity events. Papers shuffle between school and home, there are emails, lots of them, and reminders from coaches, counselors, principals and bus drivers.

It. Is. A lot.

And it is ok to be tired.

And it is ok to miss your workout. Or shove your kids a birthday cake flavored PopTart instead of the perfectly nutritious egg and red pepper burrito you had envisioned the night before.

It is ok to make them eat in the lunchroom and wear a uniform with a small stain from the day before.

It is ok to not be perfect.

It is ok to be tired. It is acceptable to simply say, I'm going to try again tomorrow.

And tomorrow, and every day after, it will get better.

You've all heard the news. Hackers of the website, Ashley Madison, which helps married folks have affairs, have released users' names.

The jokes and scathing remarks have been centered on reality tv star, and ultra conservative, Josh Duggar who was listed as a user.

But what you may have missed in all that snickering was the fact that there are allegedly a lot of military email addresses listed with Duggar's.

The hack revealed 37 million users on the site. Among those, an unofficial count includes 6,788 addresses ending in "army.mil" addresses, 1,665 ending in "navy.mil," 809 ending in "usmc.mil" (for U.S. Marine Corps) and 206 addresses ending in the newer domain "mail.mil."

The Department of Veterans Affairs is the largest, non-military federal user of Ashley Madison, with 104 emails from the "va.gov" domain found in the list. Another 88 emails were from the Federal Bureau of Prisons and 45 were from the Department of Homeland Security.

What does this mean for military families? There may be a lot of very, very hard times ahead.

Inevitably, many of these emails are legitimate. The owners are using the site. They are having affairs. They are lying. They are cheating.

And military spouses are going to find out in the worst way possible, along with the entire nation who can also see her husband's email listed.

On Thursday Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said service members who have used the site could face disciplinary action under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Use of an official computer or email account to access pornography or register on sites like AshleyMadison.com as well as adultery are punishable under the UCMJ.

"Yes, the services are looking into it as well they should be," Carter said.

So, while you are snickering under your breath, remember, lives are being destroyed. Lies are unraveling and military spouses who may be acquaintances or dear friends are dealing with the most difficult hardship they have ever faced.

Be kind. Be gentle. Be there to help, not mock.

You never know when a skeleton may come tumbling out of your own family's closet.