Our library on base is the hot spot for stay-at-home moms. There is story time for toddlers 3 to 4 days a week and includes music, story time and play time.
Traffic around northern Virginia can be pretty ugly so it’s nice to have a short drive to the library to break up our day. Plus, it’s free and a nice break for me while someone else entertains my boys.
We’ve made a lot of our friends there and I am grateful for this little weekly routine. However, I didn’t have the best impression when we PCS’d here.
I guess I should start from the beginning. When we were new to base, my son was 18-months-old and I was very pregnant and adjusting to east coast humidity. We spent a lot of time going to story time in the air conditioning. My son loved it and I looked forward to a little adult conversation.
Some days my son sat along with everyone else on the colorful carpet and sang along. Other times were rougher. Like a typical toddler he’d run around the library and get a kick out of watching my very pregnant self chase him through the aisles.
Other times he would take a toy away from another child and scream the ever dreaded toddler phrase: “Mine!”
One time he even pushed a baby over. I was mortified. My husband calls me “helicopter mom” because I am usually hovering over him, correcting and redirecting his every move.
Don’t worry, I have learned that those types of situations work themselves out and sometimes kids do better without the parent intervention. But we were new to base and I wanted to make friends. I did not want to be the mom with the wild boy who no one wanted to be friends with. For his and my sake!!
Right before I had the baby we took a small hiatus from the library. There had been a “situation.” Maybe I was hormonal but I took it pretty hard.
My little guy was playing in the puzzle area and saw two other boys a few months older than him playing and laughing together. He wandered over and tried playing along. I was talking to a friend, just a few feet away and was watching to make sure my little guy didn’t do anything disruptive.
He tried to hug one of the boys and they both stumbled into the wall but didn’t fall. They actually laughed together and continued playing with this large puzzle. Then, the boy’s mother said, “Tell him you don’t want to play with him, he doesn’t play nice.”
I could not believe it. My mama bear instinct was ready to attack but I was speechless. My child is not perfect and I am pretty tough on him.
Nothing had happened that deserved that type of reaction.
Was this mom really expecting her 2-year-old to repeat her compound sentence word for word? No. She was directing that at me - loud and clear.
I held in my tears (had to be hormonal) and bent down and told my son to say sorry (which at the time was only through baby sign language) and not hug so hard. I mean, what else was there to say?
I have seen these moms before and I am sure they witnessed some of our bad moments in the library, but, toddlers are still learning their boundaries and exploring. This was actually a good moment. What was wrong with these women?
I did not want to be friends with people like this. We stayed away from the library for several weeks. I know we didn’t do anything wrong but it made me miserable. It was hard moving with a toddler and being pregnant but I was trying my best to be social and meet new people.
This situation made me miss my friends and our mommy group who didn’t judge us and loved my son for who he is – 100 percent rough and tough boy who also loved to hug and cuddle. I used this as a way to hate our new home.
I guess I’m dragging this on but the moral of the story is, don’t let one or two people ruin your experience in a new place. Since then, I have gone back to story time and met some amazing friends. I have learned to let go a little and let my son choose what he wants to do.
If he is having a wild morning, we may skip the library and go to the playground instead. Plus, he has started attending gymnastics class where there is lots of space to run and jump. I have met other moms whose kids are the ones running around and taking toys from other kids and I smile with a sympathetic look that says “we’ve all been there.”
Being a mom new to base is hard and you never know what situation someone is in. We’ve only been on this base six months but military families are always coming and going. You never know who is looking for a new friend. So be welcoming and kind. Treating people (both adults and children) the way you want to be treated goes a long way.
