Today, an ode to an old Christmas favorite, and some of the new challenges of retirement. Happy Holidays to all!

On the first day of Christmas, retirement gave to me … one grateful nation.

On the second day of Christmas, retirement gave to me … two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

On the third day of Christmas retirement gave to me … three DD214s, two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

On the fourth day of Christmas retirement gave to me … four panic attacks, three DD214s, two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

On the fifth day of Christmas retirement gave to me … five graying hairs, four panic attacks, three DD214s, two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

On the sixth day of Christmas retirement gave to me … six cold ones chilling, five graying hairs, four panic attacks, three DD214s, two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

On the seventh day of Christmas retirement gave to me … seven days of briefings, six cold ones chilling, five graying hairs, four panic attacks, three DD214s, two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

On the eighth day of Christmas retirement gave to me … eight VA appointments, seven days of briefings, six cold ones chilling, five graying hairs, four panic attacks, three DD214s, two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

On the ninth day of Christmas retirement gave to me … nine job rejections, eight VA appointments, seven days of briefings, six cold ones chilling, five graying hairs, four panic attacks, three DD214s, two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

On the 10th day of Christmas retirement gave to me … 10 days of travel, nine job rejections, eight VA appointments, seven days of briefings, six cold ones chilling, five graying hairs, four panic attacks, three DD214s, two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

On the 11th day of Christmas retirement gave to me … 11 packers packing, 10 days of travel, nine job rejections, eight VA appointments, seven days of briefings, six cold ones chilling, five graying hairs, four panic attacks, three DD214s, two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

On the 12th day of Christmas retirement gave to me … 12 friends farewelling, 11 packers packing, 10 days of travel, nine job rejections, eight VA appointments, seven days of briefings, six cold ones chilling, five graying hairs, four panic attacks, three DD214s, two pack out dates and one grateful nation.

We’ve all heard of “What Color is Your Parachute?” and “Who Moved My Cheese?” Both are tried and true guides to starting a new career path, embarking on a new life journey, or just gaining perspective on change in general.

But there’s a whole stack of other great books out there for those who are facing a major transition, some even specifically geared toward military retirees or those leaving the military for other reasons. From finances to benefits to job searches to becoming an entrepreneur, chances are there’s a book that covers it.

Whether you are a week or a decade away from life after the military, here’s 10 good reads to help you plan for - and feel inspired about - the next step: 

• “Mission Transition: Managing Your Career and Retirement,” by Janet Farley. Published in 2017. Amazon rating: 4 stars.

This book, just published in October, gives the low-down on the new blended retirement system and how it affects current and future service members. It also looks at ways to improve and understand your finances, take responsibility for your own retirement planning, and tips for surviving life in the civilian world.

Farley is the author of several other helpful books including the “Military-to-Civilian Career Transition Guide” and the “Military Spouse’s Employment Guide.” She is also the spouse of a military retiree.

• “The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement,” by Doug Nordman. Amazon rating: 4.5 stars. Published in 2011.

Nordman is a Navy retiree who shares his strategies for becoming financially independent by your early 40s or so. In other words, this is a guide to how not to HAVE to work after the military.

He focuses on how to build a solid financial portofolio with military benefits, savings, frugal living and investing (including investing in yourself). Nordman also talks about balancing family and your desired lifestyle with those goals, and includes helpful checklists and other resources. 

• “Soldier of Finance,” by Jeff Rose. Amazon rating: 4.5 stars. Published in 2013.

Army veteran Rose, now a Certified Professional Planner, models his book on the Soldier’s Handbook issued to new Army recruits. But his information is intended for anyone looking to change their financial habits and build long-term wealth.

Rose takes a strategic, battle-like approach to financial planning. The book includes 14 “modules” that discuss topics like “tactical budgets” and how to “target and methodically eliminate debt.” It also includes quizzes and other tools to help you focus on planning for future financial success.

• “Well and Faithfully Discharged: Financial TTP for Military Retirement” by Curt Sheldon. Amazon rating: Five stars. Published in 2017.

Another one new to the market, Sheldon’s book branches out from financial planning to look at a number of topics unfamiliar to service members, such as civilian job benefits, insurance, social security and estate planning.

“TTP,” an acronym for tactics, techniques and procedures, is a nod to Sheldon’s  27-year Air Force career.

• “Rookie Smarts: Why Learning Beats Knowing in the New Game of Work,” by Liz Wiseman. Amazon ranking: 4.5 stars. Published in 2014.

A Wall Street Journal best seller, Wiseman’s book is a study in leadership, taking on new challenges, and staying “fresh” in an ever-evolving job market and economy. She uses the term “perpetual rookies” to show that constant learning is the key.

In other words, fresh eyes and “rookie smarts” might be one of your most valuable assets in post-military life.

- “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and in Business” by Charles Duhigg. Amazon rating: 4.5 stars. Published in 2014.

Science can explain even the most mundane things in life, like our daily habits. Pulitzer Prize-winning business reporter Duhigg delves into those theories to explain why we have habits, how we can change them, and why they are so important to success.

In a narrative style that topped nearly every best-seller list, Duhigg explores boardrooms, professional sports and political movements to uncover the motivations and potential for success in anyone.

• “Mission Entreprenuer: Applying Lessons from Military Life to Create Success in Business Startups” By Jen Griswold. Amazon rating: Published in

Griswold’s work is geared toward military spouses and female veterans like herself. She served on active duty in the Air Force, and later in the Reserves while also being a military spouse forced to start her career over again and again in a new location.

Her book focuses on leveraging your military skills – or any skills you already have – to start your own business.

• “Designing Your Life: How to build a well-lived, joyful life,” by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. Amazon rating: 4.5 stars. Published in 2016.

This one is another New York Times bestseller that looks at transition and building your life from an unconventional viewpoint.

The authors are both design professors at Stanford University – the kind of career that usually focuses on designing new products. Instead, they’ve brought the theory of design thinking, which really focuses on problem solving, into everyday life. Their book is geared toward all ages and career levels, and teaches the lesson that no one should settle for an unhappy, poorly “designed” life.

• “Complete Guide to Money” and “The Total Money Makeover,” both by Dave Ramsey. Published in 2015 and 2015, respectively. Amazon rank: 4.5 - 5 stars.

The financial planning guru who has made millions off telling how other people to get their own financial house in order continues to be a solid choice for many planning for retirement.  If online forums and Facebook posts are any indication, lots of military folks follow Ramsey’s methodical approach to paying down debt and building wealth.

Moving is the one constant about military life. It’s something we all know will happen every two years or so, sometimes a little sooner, sometimes a little later.

And when that time comes, the military tells us where to go. Sure, maybe we have a say in it, an option to pick the top two or three choices. But, most often, we don’t put much thought into it.

The military issues orders, packs us up and ships us off to the new place.

But what about retirement? Where will the military move you then? The short answer is simple – you can pretty much move anywhere you want.

According to the Joint Federal Travel Regulation – the DOD regulation that governs all military travel to include PCS moves - the military will move you anywhere in the United States you want to go, including Alaska and Hawaii. In some cases, DOD will even pay to move you outside the U.S.

Really. The choice is yours, and the military will pay for it.

There’s often a lot of confusion over the military regulations for a retirement PCS, in part because the rules are different for retirement than for a regular separation (for the purposes of this column, remember that we are talking only about retirement). One of the major points of misunderstanding lies in the terms “Home of Record,” or HOR, and “Home of Selection,” or HOS.

Your HOR is generally based on where the service member joined the military. It’s the place listed on military records. It may or may not be the same place you claim residency, but either way, HOR has little to do with retirement.

HOS is the important term to remember for retirement.

During the retirement process, every service member is asked for his or her HOS. This is where your household goods will be shipped, and the location to which the military will reimburse you for travel. HOS is the location that goes on what is the equivalent of PCS orders when you retire.

It’s important to note that you don’t have to choose an HOS right away. You have up to one year from retirement to do so (we’ll come back to why this is important later).

HOR only comes into play if the service member joined the military from outside the 50 U.S. states. For example, if a service member’s HOR is Puerto Rico, the military will pay for a move back to Puerto Rico upon retirement. In that case, the service member would choose Puerto Rico as his or her HOS.

A retiring service member can also choose to move outside the U.S. even if it’s not his or her HOR. Say you pick Costa Rica as your HOS. The military will pay a percentage of the cost, based on what it would have cost to move you within the U.S.

One of the key points to remember is this, as stated in the JFTR: “Once a location is selected, that selection is irrevocable if transportation-in-kind is furnished and used, or travel and transportation allowances are received after the travel is completed.”

In other words, if you accept delivery of HHG or turn in a travel voucher, that location is forever your HOS and all other entitlements/reimbursements are limited to the amount of money it would have cost to move or transport you there.

This is where the one-year timeline mentioned above comes into play. Upon retirement, every service member is entitled to one year of household goods storage. You don’t have to declare a HOS until that one year is up and you have your HHG delivered. This is important because it can give you time to job hunt and/or decide where to move. You can use that time to wait for job offers, travel to a few different places, stay with family, or rent a furnished apartment in the location you think you want to move to until you know for sure.

You can also choose to stay where you are rather than put your HHG in storage, and still have up to one year for the final PCS. Plus, if you live in military housing and must vacate quarters upon retirement, the military will move you within a short distance off base and that will not count as your HOS.

That year gives you a lot of flexibility. Use it wisely.

Here are some other helpful notes for planning the retirement PCS:

• In some locations, retirees are allowed to rent military housing.
• You can do a DITY move.
• Your weight allowance is the same as an active-duty move, and pro gear is allowed.
• As always, check with your local transportation office to get the most up-to-date information for your situation.

By Amy Nielsen

My husband and I marked two important rites in our path together this week - our 10-year wedding anniversary and his five-year retirement from the Navy. Both are milestones we both thought we would not make it to – for lots of various reasons.

We married after living together for two years, less than one week before he was to deploy on a nine-month sea tour, and days after his extremely contentious divorce was finalized.

He immediately called to schedule an appointment for us to get married. There would be no dress, no party, no family, just us - if they even had a date available.

We were in luck. The ceremony would be held at the court house at 10:30 in the morning, the only available timeslot, on October 31- ironic for a couple of hippy, practicing pagan, pregnant, military, late-thirties somethings that we were. It was absolutely perfect.

Only one friend could make the date. She arrived the next morning and we spent the day rifling through my rapidly shrinking wardrobe for something that would be fancy enough but not show off my growing baby bump too much. There was certainly no time and I was in no shape for a wedding dress. We decided that he would not wear his uniform, but instead the trusted khakis and white linen button down with loafers. Men – they have it so easy.

Upon arriving at the court house we encountered a huge media frenzy. We had no idea that the local

county official was having the opening arguments to his corruption trial the same morning. We were sort of focused on a few other things at that point. After making it through the extra metal detectors, we were going to be late.

We picked up the finalized divorce decree that had been keeping us from getting married from one

office and rushed through the building to the other wing. There we delivered the freshly stamped

documents to the nice clerk who helped us fill out our license. It took a few minutes to make sure all of

the boxes were filled out correctly as his divorce had become final so recently.

We waded somewhat more frantically back through the throngs of reporters, fellow lost court house

visitors, and local news junkies who seem to show up in the background of all live news reports. Arriving

in front of the judge’s door, we took a moment to breathe. I think it was the only moment we took for

the next 10 years.

I remember that breath we took so specifically. Just us. Breathing together, forehead, palms, toes.

The ceremony took all of 15 minutes. The judge said his bit, we followed along on the thrice copied pages he handed us after checking out our paperwork. We stood. He had a picture of Officers Obe and Eddie from Alice’s Restaurant behind his desk. His hand shook when he signed our license.

Afterward, we snapped a picture in the parking lot holding the document that would mean our daughter

would have prenatal care, housing, access to information about her Papa, and as I would find out,

Aunties and Navy Fairy God Mothers who would hold us in so much grace when I had no idea what to do

or where to turn in our very rocky first year.

As it happed, being Halloween, we tripped over a couple dressed as giant lattes outside a popular coffee

shop at lunch. We snapped another picture and now every year we find a franchise of

that coffee shop and make sure to have our latte. We hoped being lunch time that some place would be

able to accommodate the three of us for a fancyish celebration. Luckily our favorite date night place had

a spot outside on the oceanfront patio.

It was October - the beach was deserted, the waves were rolling hard and the wind was washing sand in

sheets across the expanse. It was cold. Lunch was silly and everything we wanted. We went out to the

boardwalk after and took one more picture next to the statue of Neptune. It is the only other picture we

have from our wedding day. I wore a green sundress with brown heels and my friend’s sweater when I

got cold at lunch.

Five days later, at some stupid hour in the fog and drip of a dreary November night, I delivered my brand

new husband to the Navy, the mistress that would carry him away from me and our soon to be born daughter for 8 months. The tour would finally stretch to nine and a half before he was finally home. We were never again a couple. He came home to a new baby girl.

The night he left was the last time we were just us. We took

one last breath. Just us. She kicked, the ship shifted, the steam vent whistled. He was gone.

Five years and a few days apart later, we celebrated the culmination of his 20 years of military

service in an equally strangely twisted and slightly off kilter day. On that day, while dressing our two

young children for the ceremony, I received a phone call from a well-meaning seasoned spouse

reminding me that while this was a very special day – it was the beginning of the 5 years until he

would be safe from the threat of post military suicide.

“Your job is to keep him alive for the next five years. Then you will be safe,” she said.

So this year, being special anniversaries of those strange and wonderful days, we decided to get some

professional pictures done and take that honeymoon/babymoon/post deployment moon/retirement

vacation we never were able to. It feels a bit like we took 10 years to get to the threshold of our real

journey.

I bought the big, white, poofy dress, busted out his dinner dress whites and the fancy kilt, and

took the pictures. Later this week we head out on a vacation just the two of us, for the first time since

we took that last breath on the pier 10 years ago.

It’s time to finally exhale.

At some point in the future, three different moving vans will show up at my house delivering 16,000 pounds of household goods that are currently in storage in Virginia, Massachusetts and Kansas.

I dread that day. My 14-year-old put it pretty aptly when he said, “It’ll be like Christmas, but with a ton of crap.”

He’s not kidding. We have basically two entire households of stuff in storage. Some went in when we moved to Germany, and stayed there while we were in Canada. Some went in when we moved from Canada back to Germany. And some went in just last month when we left Germany again, this time for retirement.

The military will hold it all for one year while we are in transition (in our case, traveling around the U.S. for a year in an RV). At that point, unless we have a very good justification for an extension, it will be dumped on us.

I love my stuff. I can’t wait to see my wedding album that accidentally went into storage, and my fall decorations that I would love to be putting out right now. I won’t have my Christmas decorations this year, either.

On the other hand, do I really need three couches and two dining room tables? We originally intended it all to be in storage for two years, and now it will be as long as seven for some of it. I doubt my much-loved washer and dryer will work anymore, and that ugly old orange couch will be even uglier and older.

If we had the opportunity, I would have drastically downsized before retirement. Going through the retirement process right now, I think downsizing should be at the top of the to-do list.

Retirement is a time to start new, fresh and unencumbered. Instead, at a time when we might be moving into a smaller house, we will be inundated with all the stuff we should have gotten rid of years ago. Who knows if we’ll even have room to sort through it all.

I suppose we could look on the bright side and consider that we might be able to sell some of it, and that we likely won’t have to buy anything new for our future home.

But who am I kidding? All that stuff will probably find a place with us, and continue to follow us around.

After all, you can take the spouse out of the military but you can’t take the military out of the spouse.

Guess what? There is a huge retirement benefit out there that I will bet many of you didn’t even know you had.

Leave.

Careful handling of leave days in the last couple of years before retirement or separation can put you in a position to have paid time off right before you retire. Potentially, months of it.

Upon retirement, every service member is granted what’s called “terminal leave.” Previous to my husband putting in his paperwork late last year, I thought terminal leave was free – meaning it didn’t count against your leave days and was automatically granted.

But terminal leave is just the name given to the leave a service member chooses to take at the end of his or her time in service. Some of it can come from permissive TDY, which is a benefit designed to use while house hunting or looking for a job. Typically, those retiring stateside are offered 20 days permissive TDY. Those retiring from overseas can be allowed up to 30 days permissive TDY.

Add to that the leave you already have on the books – up to 60 days each year – and you could have up to 90 days. On top of that, add in any leave you earn between the start of a new fiscal year and your retirement date, plus what you earn while on leave, and you could potentially have even more.

And that’s not all. Since terminal leave is taken before a service members actual retirement date, all active-duty benefits still apply, such as medical and dental care. Housing allowances are still paid as well. If you are in transition between homes (which many of us will be during retirement) you will earn BAH for either your current duty station or your home of record, depending on circumstances.

The key to this benefit is managing your leave in the last couple years of retirement and continuing to carry over 60 days at the start of every fiscal year. That’s not hard for many service members, who lose leave every year anyway or have extra accrued due to deployments and other events.

Besides job hunting, house hunting and getting settled in a new location, many people use this time to travel, even taking Space-A flights overseas or cruises or other once-in-a-lifetime vacations.

A good rule of thumb is to do a little of both – practical and frivolous - if you can afford it.

Either way, terminal leave should be used to the maximum advantage of the service member. Start calculating leave days now, no matter how far out retirement is. Trust me, you’ll want some time to breathe before moving on from the military to the next adventure in life. Terminal leave is the best way to do that – all while still getting paid your full salary and benefits.

I am alone in my house right now, a rare thing these days.

The kids are out of school and my husband switched out of his job last month to focus on retirement and out-processing, so he only goes into work for a short time each day.

Which means I went from spending most of my time alone to having three other people in the house, almost constantly.

I love my quiet time. I love being alone. I don’t even mind going out for lunch by myself, or shopping by myself or taking a long road trip with no other company but my iTunes playlists.

But, this is going to be my life for the next year or so as my husband retires and my family and I travel the U.S. in our fifth wheel trailer. We will be together. All the time.

I’ve thought a lot about what all that together time will mean for our family. Hopefully we will grow closer, and repair some of the bonds that have been weakened by deployments and work and stress.

I’ve thought about how my two kids might react to spending so much time together in close quarters, how my husband might need some time to get used to actually being a part of the family, and even how our cat Chuey will adapt.

What I didn’t really think about was me and what I would need to do to make this work.

I have been in charge of the household for the entire 26 years my husband and I have been married. I take care of all the finances, vehicle maintenance, and vacation planning. I deal with house hunting, vehicle shipping, loan applications and everything PCS-related.

Since we have kids, I have been, for the most part, the sole authority figure in the house. I take them to the doctor, sports practices and school. I help them make new friends and say goodbye to the old ones. I talk to them about the important things in life and feed them and make sure they have everything they need to be healthy and happy.

This is true for most military spouses I know. We all run the house, the family and get done whatever needs to be done.

I’m not saying my husband does nothing. He’s a great dad and does what he can when he can. And, obviously, he provides for us financially in a way that I could not, while at the same time serving his soldiers, their families, his commanders and his country.

That is pretty impressive. But what I’ve realized is this: I feel a sense of power and control over my household. And now that my husband is around to share the burden, I have to figure out how to let him.

I need to pull back and let him co-parent. I need to let him answer when the kids ask if they can have a sleepover with friends or go to the movies or need some money. I need to let him talk to them about the important things in life. I need to let him do his thing, even if it’s not necessarily the way I would do it.

I have a real partner in the household duties now. This is something most of us military spouses are not used to.

But once I do get used to it? I think I am going to like it.

The retirement process can be a tricky one, between all the paperwork, figuring out your finances, looking for a job and finding a place to live.

Most of the basic information is covered in the transition briefs that service members are required to attend, and, with a little digging, other basic facts can be found on the internet.

But just like anything else in life, there are bound to be some unexpected reality checks. I polled some of my already-retired friends and asked them: “What are the most surprising things about military retirement ... from a spouse's point of view?”

Here are their top five answers:

1. Taxes – Several spouses noted that they owed way more federal income taxes than expected, especially in the first year after retirement. Remember that a good chunk of active duty pay – specifically housing allowances, cost of living allowances and combat pay – are tax free. Obviously this will vary, but if you have retirement pay, plus a good-paying civilian job, you might find yourself in a higher tax bracket than when you were active duty. That tax rate could skyrocket if you retire in the middle of a year and your W2 has some months of active duty pay on it, combined with your retirement pay and civilian pay. Not to mention that a spouse who didn’t work before might have a job and income as well. Many also pointed out that they assumed the same deductions they claimed on their active-duty LES would carry over to retirement pay, but they did not. Bottom line: Check the deductions on your first retirement paycheck and adjust accordingly, and calculate your estimated taxes to make sure you are having enough taken out or are putting enough money aside to pay them.
2. The job hunt – Again, many assumptions were made here. All of us know people who have jumped right from their active-duty job to a similar GS position, or contractor job. The reality is apparently more difficult than it looks. A couple of my spouse friends mentioned that it can be hard, if not impossible, to get a GS job if the retiree does not have a VA disability rating. We haven’t gone through the job search process yet so I have no idea how widespread that is, but it is something to think about if you are banking on that option. Others also noted that military job descriptions don’t always translate well to the civilian world, that jobs might not be available in your dream location to live, or that it can take as long as a year to be hired. Bottom line: Network. Getting a job is all about who you know
3. Insurance – Whether on Tricare Prime or Standard, retirees have to pay a portion of their healthcare costs. The same is true for dental – while active duty families pay a monthly fee of $34.68 for dental insurance, the cost to retirees can be triple that or more depending on where you live. Life insurance is another high-ticket item, whether you choose something private or opt in to the military’s Survivor Benefit Plan. One spouse also mentioned that the level of services provided to her special needs child dropped dramatically after retirement, meaning a gap in care and more money out of pocket for her family. Bottom line: Research insurance costs carefully. If you have a civilian job, compare prices and coverage of what your employer may offer versus what is available to military retirees.
4. Missing the life – Active-duty life has its ups and downs, but most of us thrive. We love the challenges, the opportunities and the adventures that come with it. But what we might love most is the camaraderie. In military-land, there is a new best friend waiting at every duty station. In the real world, not so much. Bottom line: It takes time to adapt. Find something you are interested in – be it a paid job, volunteer work or some other activity – asap at your new location.
5. The uniform – There’s nothing like a man (or woman) in uniform. You’ll no longer see your service member looking good, strong and proud in their uniform. Instead, it might be business casual or an occasional suit. Definitely not the same. Bottom line: Try to get on base every once in a while and steal a glance at those lucky enough to still be wearing the uniforms of our country’s armed forces. Your heart will skip a few beats, guaranteed!

As my husband gets closer and closer to his retirement date, and with our pack-out date looming just a little more than a month away, we have been going through and sorting all of our paperwork.

Mountains and mountains of paperwork.

While we casually go through things each time we move and get rid of things like utility bills and the newcomer’s packet we received upon arrival at our current duty station, we have never gone through everything this thoroughly.

The first step was the file cabinet, from which we purged vet records for the two cats who are no longer with us, 10-year-old vehicle registration receipts and 20-year-old mutual fund statements.

Next were the two boxes of “things to save for the scrapbooks” collected over the last two years. This is where we culled down kids’ artwork and school certificates, ticket stubs and airplane boarding passes.

Finally, we started on our lockbox, where all the really important need-to-keep-no-matter-what items are stored. I expected to find a lot in there that we could trash.

I assumed that by now we could shred or burn a good deal of what’s in the lockbox. My husband is retiring after 26 years of active duty service, so why does he still need a National Guard enlistment contract from 1988, or Army Reserve training records from 1990?

Well, guess what. He needed those exact papers as part of his retirement process.

After he pulled those out, we shut the lockbox and I decided not to purge anything from there after all.

We all have heard many times over that we should keep a paper trail of everything military-related. This is not an exaggeration. As much as I would like to clear out as much clutter as possible before we PCS, military-related paperwork is not the place to do it.

Adding to the problem is the paperwork that continues to accumulate as part of retirement. Just the other day we had to sign a half-dozen documents at the transition office on post. Plus we’ve got orders, leave requests, medical records, VA documents, life insurance forms … the list

goes on and on.

And the next question becomes … what documents should you hand carry during your final PCS (especially when moving from overseas like we are)

After perusing several online discussions and thinking about our own past experiences, this is my list:

• Copies of orders both to and from your current duty station.
• Kids’ birth certificates.
• Kids’ and adults’ social security cards.
• Kids’ school records, specifically last report card and most recent standardized test scores, as well as documentation of any special services received.
• Kids’ shot records and up-to-date school/sports physical.
• Pets’ shot records and microchip number.
• Inventory of household goods as provided by the moving company, as well inventory sheets for any items in storage.
• Proof of vehicle insurance and ownership if your car is being shipped.
• All paperwork signed during the retirement process.
• Enlistment/initial service entry contract.
• Servicemembers’ medical records.
• Prescriptions for any medications taken on a regular basis.

If your household goods will be in storage long-term like ours will be, I would add the following:

• Marriage certificate.
• Divorce certificate if previously married.
• Original mortgage papers if you own a house, as well as any other documents related to home ownership such as warranties or HOA contact information.
• Adults’ birth certificates.
• Most recent tax return.
• All military service records.

Slowly, over the past few months, I have begun to pull away from my military life.

I’ve volunteered less, stopped being one of the first to step up and offer help, and my usual quick responses to spouse-related emails have gotten fewer and farther between.

Now, with less than three months left before we leave Germany and go on terminal leave until retirement, I find myself latching on to those last few military events I will get to attend.

Tomorrow night is a farewell. Wednesday is a change of command, likely the last I will ever witness as a military spouse.  Next week are more hail and farewells and, at some point soon, I will see my husband in uniform for the last time.

I’ve always made it a point to never define myself as a “military spouse.” I always figured that I was so much more than that, that my life somehow had more meaning than the fact that I just happened to be the wife of an Army officer.

But after 26 years I am realizing that a “military spouse” is not just what I am, it’s who I am. My days, months and years are built around the Army. Every decision I make is influenced by my husband’s career. My schedule, my life, is completely dependent upon his.

Being married to the military is a full-time job in its own right. Many of us spend countless hours helping other families, besides managing our own home, our own finances, our own kids and everything in between. We volunteer in our communities. At each different duty station, we try to find something that has meaning to expend our energies on.

We support each other in a way that perhaps no other group of people, especially women, does. I don’t mean to imply that I am anything special just because I happened to choose a life partner with a unique and demanding job. I haven’t done anything in my military life that thousands of other spouses haven’t done before me, and done better. What I’m saying - what I’m realizing -  is that I’m all in, and I have been for more than two decades.

Of that, I am proud.

I’m watching now as my husband distances himself from his job, his co-workers and his own Army life. I am watching as he goes through what I am sure will be a long period of mourning and adjustment, of loneliness and reflection and anticipation, a period that will hopefully launch him into something new and equally as satisfying as his military career. The Army calls it “transitioning.” There is a series of workshops, checklists, services and notebooks for soldiers to study in preparation for leaving the military, under a program called “Soldier for Life.”

I wish there was a similar program for spouses. We obviously haven’t had the same experiences as the active-duty people we are married to and, presumably, our transition will be easier. But we could use some guidance on how to navigate the real world.

How do we, as spouses, walk away from all this, from everything we know and everything we are, and gain a new identity? I look forward to what the future holds - hopefully fulfilling jobs for both my husband and me, some stability for our kids and a chance to breathe.

Breathe. Something many of us have not done in a very long time. Along the way, I’m sure I will find my place in our new world and adjust accordingly. But this, this identity that I’ve had for 26 years, will aIways be a part of me.

I am a spouse for life.