PCS season is here. Time to start purging, packing and planning. Time to start looking at houses and school districts and things to do in the new place. Time to start convincing the kids how great the new place is going to be. Time to start saying goodbye to friends and neighbors and get ready to reinvent yourself all over again for the umpteenth time.

Oh, wait.

Not me.

Not this year.

I don’t have to do that anymore. We’re retirees now.

Looking back on my husband’s 26-year Army career, it’s amazing that we spent 17 years OCONUS. We PCS’d 13 times. Here’s all the places we were stationed, in order:

Hawaii (Schofield Barracks), Georgia (Ft. Benning), North Carolina (Ft. Bragg), Okinawa, Korea (Yongsan Garrison), Florida (MacDill Air Force Base), Germany (Stuttgart), MacDill AFB again, Kansas (Ft. Riley), Stuttgart again, Canada (Toronto), Stuttgart a third time, and back to the U.S.

We weren’t on the typical summer PCS cycle until later in my husband’s career. Once we were, it was like clockwork. We moved five of the last seven summers. And now, it seems, nearly everyone moves between May and September. It has become the official season of goodbyes and starting over.

PCS’ing always brings a mixed of emotions. Marriages are stressed, kids are heartbroken, pets are confused, household goods are lost, finances are stretched.

But it’s exciting, too. One of my favorite things about Army life was the first few weeks at a new duty station – getting to know the area, checking out restaurants and shopping, meeting new neighbors. And if we got really lucky, my husband might have a little free time to enjoy the new place, too, before starting what always seemed like a 24/7 work cycle, or going TDY, or to the field, or getting deployed, or whatever else might come up.

Of course there was all the stress of deciding where to live, signing up for utilities, getting the kids registered for school, living in a hotel.

Our moves usually had a few extra unknowns, too. Since we did so many OCONUS transitions, we were always waiting for a car to arrive, waiting longer for our household goods, and trying to get settled while adjusting to new languages and a new culture.

But that part was kind of exciting, too.

Our last address change was in August, when we bought a house in Florida.

The other day my husband commented that, almost eight months after moving in, we were finally, completely, unpacked and set up.

 “It feels like we’re really here,” he said.

Our next door neighbor made a similar observation while commenting on the long list of home improvement projects we’ve been doing.

He said: “So I guess you’re here to stay.”

And now, with PCS season upon us, the realization has hit me that we will never again get a set of military orders. Never again will we anxiously wait to find out where the next duty station is, and as soon as we get there start to wonder when and where the next move will be.

I don’t know that we’ll live in this house or this place forever, but we’re parked here for at least the foreseeable future. And, if and when we do move again, it will be on our own terms.

So, for all of you going through the PCS craziness this summer, I salute you. I wish you good packers and no damage, healthy kids, healthy pets, the strength of a superhero and the patience of a saint.

I wish you a smooth transition to your new place and, most of all, a great start to your new adventure.

I feel your pain, but I don’t feel bad for you. I’m envious.

Enjoy it while you can.

Navigating the VA disability claim can be one of the trickiest parts of leaving the military.

Even the term “disability” is confusing. One of the first questions my two teenagers asked when we explained my husband’s disability rating was: “Can we park in handicapped spots now?” The answer: No. Having a VA disability rating does not necessarily make one “disabled” in the way that term is usually applied.

Anyone who is retiring or separating from the military can file a claim for VA disability, even if they don’t have any visible injuries or issues that affect them on a daily basis. The point of a VA disability rating is to compensate servicemembers for injuries or medical conditions that arose during military service, and to ensure those injuries and conditions are cared for in the future.

Some cases are obviously more complicated than others, and VA disability is one of those many things where it seems like you ask one question and get a dozen different answers. I’ve compiled a list of frequently asked questions below, based on my own experience and extensive research. It should be a good jumping off point for your own (exhaustive and exhausting) research. And, as always, mine is not an expert opinion. Always seek official sources for your own situation.

What is a VA claim?

A VA claim is a detailed packet of paperwork submitted as part of leaving the military. It includes medical records, details of any injuries or chronic conditions, and other information. The VA takes that packet and then sets up any medical appointments it deems necessary to gather additional evidence and screen the servicemember for a disability rating. The results of those appointments are then reviewed to determine if a disability rating is warranted for any of the injuries or conditions. There are eight steps in the VA claim process. You can find out more about them at this link: https://www.benefits.va.gov/COMPENSATION/index.asp.

What should be done to to prepare?

Start as soon as possible to document every medical condition. All those things your spouse never went to the doctor for because he or she didn’t want a profile, or didn’t want to take time off duty, or didn’t want to bother the doc? Yeah, all those things need to be looked at. Many people start do this during the last two or three years before retirement, when a.) they aren’t as worried about “looking bad” in front of their command, and b.) they realize that their time on active duty is nearing an end these things aren’t going to go away.

How long does it take?

I’ve known people who had their VA rating a week after retirement, and others who waited a year or more. The VA recently launched a new system called Benefits Delivery at Discharge, or BDD. This allows most servicemembers to submit their VA claim before they leave active duty. Under the previous system, a VA claim couldn’t be filed until after retirement or separation. The VA says most servicemembers who use the BDD system should expect to receive the results of their disability claim the day after they leave active duty. The key is that the claim must be submitted between 180 and 90 days before separation.

What’s a VSO and why should I use one?

A VSO is a Veteran’s Services Organization – think Veterans of Foreign wars (VFW), Disabled American Veterans (DAV), the American Legion, etc. Many of these groups are authorized by the VA to prepare and submit claims on behalf of servicemembers. They are experts, and they work for free. The VA has a list of such groups here: https://www.va.gov/vso/VSO-Directory.pdf.

Can a person who is rated 100 percent disabled by the VA still work?

Yes. There is a subset of VA disability called Individual Unemployability, or IU, but that is a separate rating that must be applied for in addition to the regular disability claim, and only a small number of veterans qualify.

How are disability percentages calculated?

This is the most complicated part of the process, and takes way more math brain power than I have. Here’s a link (scroll down to “Combined Ratings”) that might help you figure it https://www.benefits.va.gov/compensation/rates-index.asp. Good luck, though!

How is disability pay calculated?

Disability is a flat rate paid monthly based on percentage rating, and has nothing to do with rank or time in service. A junior enlisted servicemember who served only a short time will be paid the same amount as a senior officer who served 35 years. VA pay is also tax-free. There are some nuances (see CRDP below).

What is CRDP?

CRDP stands for Concurrent Retirement and Disability Pay, and is also known as concurrent pay. It means the veteran is receiving both retirement pay and VA disability pay. The veteran must have a VA disability rating of 50 percent or more to receive concurrent pay. Below 50 percent, the amount of VA pay is deducted from the retirement pay and offset by the VA pay (but still tax free). You can read more about this also-complicated math here: https://www.dfas.mil/retiredmilitary/disability/crdp.html

What do the terms permanent and total, and service connected mean?

Permanent and total means the VA doesn’t ever expect the condition to improve. People who are not rated permanent and total may be required to have their conditions reviewed after a certain number of years. Service connected means the injury or condition was as a result of serving in the military. These designations can qualify a person for additional benefits, although they do not change the amount of disability pay. A person can have a disability rating with both of these designations or neither of them.

Does a military retiree with VA disability have to get medical care at a VA facility? No.

Besides monetary compensation, what additional benefits are available for those with a VA disability rating?

Many benefits – but not all - require the veteran to have a specific minimum VA rating percentage. Any veteran with a 10 percent disability rating, for example, is exempt from paying the funding fee on a VA home loan. That benefit can potentially save thousands of dollars a year in mortgage payments. Those with a total and permanent, service connected disability have an education benefit available to their spouses and children that pays a monthly stipend while the family members are in college, vocational school and some other types of training. Disabled veterans are also eligible for job training and employment counseling. Many states also have their own benefits – such as lower property taxes (or none at all), free or reduced college tuition for family members, no vehicle registration fees … the list varies widely and is completely up to each state. Most states also have specific residency requirements to qualify.

Where do I find out about benefits?

You can google it all day long and find tons of information, but be sure to stick to official sources as there is a lot of misinformation floating around out there. The VA website is a great place to start: https://benefits.va.gov/benefits/. In addition, each state has a Department of Veterans Affairs to handle state-level benefits. But the best resource might be your county’s Veteran Services Offices. They are a one-stop shop for federal, state and local benefits.

I often hear from friends who are scared of all the perceived challenges facing them in retirement. Or they read something on Facebook, which may or may not be accurate, and they get freaked out about the transition from military life to civilian life.

I see those same posts. Mostly, they go something like this:

“I am so stressed out about my spouse’s retirement. I just want to cry all the time.”

Or:

“I don’t know how I am going to handle all this.”

Or:

“We have no idea what we will do next.”

Of course we are all scared and nervous when we embark on anything new and unknown. That’s human nature.

The thing is, you don’t know what you don’t know.

But, fellow spouses, I’ve been there, done that. My husband has been officially retired for just over 16 months now. Our transition definitely isn’t complete, but it’s well on its way.

And now I DO know what I didn’t know.

Here’s my top 10 lessons learned during our transition so far:

1. Deciding where to live is hard, but don’t overthink it. On the other hand, you might think you know exactly where you want to go or what you want to do, but trust me … that can change a dozen times. The one-year paid government storage upon retirement is the biggest benefit there is. It buys you time to figure out where you will live, and if that place is the right fit for you.
2. Don’t worry so much about household goods. Our stuff all survived storage fine, and some of it was there for 6 ½ years. And if it didn’t survive? Eh, it’s only stuff. Once we got it back we ended up getting rid of half of it anyway.
3. Money isn’t everything. Lots of retirees tend to take the first job that comes along because they feel pressured to support their family like they always have. And for some, they have no choice but to work right away due to financial constraints. But how much money do you really need to live on? Many families can probably find a way to make their finances work without their retiree having to move right into a second career, or at least not a fast-paced, high stress second career. This is another area where priorities are important. If at all possible, give your retiree time to figure out exactly what he or she wants to do next career-wise.
4. Keep current in your career field, and figure out your own plans for when military life ends. This time, I mean you – the spouse who isn’t retiring but has been following the military around for the past 20-plus years. Even if it’s just a part-time job, try to have some recent employment on your resume before retirement.
5. Don’t get caught in the trap of comparing other people’s lives with yours. This is true in life in general, of course, but sometimes we all need a reminder that no one else’s experience is any more or less valid than our own.
6. Civilians are not all annoying idiots who just want to thank you for your service and move on. Yes, it is hard to fit in when you’re not living on base anymore or not surrounded by other military families. But give ordinary civilians a chance – most of them are actually really nice people.
7. Retirement is about the person who is actually retiring. They are the one going through the biggest transition, no matter how daunting this might all seem to you.
8. Retirees need a hobby. And friends. They don’t have that built-in network in a military unit anymore. Help your retiree find his or her niche.
9. A high VA disability rating comes with a cost. Many people hope for a high rating, especially sometimes spouses who are thinking about finances. That’s again human nature. But remember this: A high rating means your retiree is broken. Perhaps irrevocably. Don’t ever wish for that.
10. Military retirement is not the end of the world. It’s not devastating. It’s not impossible. In hindsight, it’s not even that hard. It’s just another transition, and we’ve all been through enough of those to know that, eventually, it all works out.

I’m not going to lie. I was disappointed, and even a little angry, when my husband said he didn’t want a retirement ceremony.

 

There were many reasons behind his decision. One was that his commander and many of the people he was close to in his unit would either be PCS’ing or gone on leave or TDY at the time (although they did offer to do it before PCS season). Another reason was that retirement is a busy time – between PCS’ing and attending briefings and outprocessing, there is a lot to do. But, really, it just boiled down to the fact that he didn’t want that much attention.

 

He wanted to go out quietly, without a lot of formalities, much the way he had served his career as a Green Beret.

 

I wanted him to have the ceremony. I thought he “deserved” it. I wanted our two kids to hear stories and see praise being heaped upon their dad. Mostly, though, I thought it would bring closure to all of us.

 

Sixteen months later, I’ve come to terms with the fact that my husband didn’t have a ceremony or a big celebration. I’ll admit I get a little jealous hearing about my friends who had a wonderful ceremony and a kick-ass party after. And sometimes I still feel like all of us – my husband included – didn’t get the closure we needed.

 

But in the big picture, that choice was his. What he deserved was to end his career in the way he saw fit.

 

There is no rule or regulation that states anyone has to have a retirement ceremony, and there is no rule or regulation that states exactly what a retirement ceremony must include or not include. There are guidelines and recommendations and traditions that vary by service – but those are just that, guidelines and recommendations and traditions.

 

While my husband didn’t have his own ceremony, I’ve been to several. Each one I’ve attended was different and unique in its own way. The best were short, sweet and to the point, with a few small personal touches thrown in. And every single one made me cry.

 

Here are some tips and things to consider when planning a retirement ceremony (or deciding whether to have one at all):

 

Where do we have it? If your retiring service member does opt to have a ceremony, he or she is in control. Some bases do have monthly “group” ceremonies, but you can still have your own less official ceremony at another time and date. Most commonly, a retirement ceremony happens on base. But some people retire after jumping out of an airplane. Others do it on a ship or in front of a historical building or in a location that has deep meaning to them. Some just opt for the unit conference room and call it a day.

 

Who plans the ceremony? This can vary as well, but generally someone from the unit will help with the planning. If you’re lucky, they’ll do the whole thing with input from the service member and spouse. At the very least, the unit will plan a basic ceremony with the commander as the speaker, a script to follow and a location on base. They should also help with sending out invitations via email and, if necessary, ensuring visitors have base access. If you want to get fancy and do something unique, you’ll probably have to get more involved.

 

What should the ceremony include? Again, this is up to the service member (and to some degree the commander). A basic ceremony usually includes an award, a short speech by the commanding officer, music, reading of the retirement orders, and a speech from the retiree. But other speakers can be invited (the better the speaker knows the retiree the better), special songs played, or anything, really, that doesn’t take away from the overall dignity of the occasion. Spouses can help decide the program, too. A friend of mine secretly put together an awesome slideshow of her husband’s career that was shown at the ceremony.

 

What’s my role during the ceremony as a spouse? Generally speaking, none. In a traditional ceremony, you might be presented with flowers or an award or letter of appreciation. Some retiring service members choose to present their spouses with a gift.

 

What do I, the spouse, wear? Take cues from the uniform your retiring service member will wear. Choose something that will make you feel your most beautiful or most handsome, but at the same time be comfortable and not out of character. Do you.

 

Can the spouse present the retiree with a gift during the ceremony? You can. But you that’s best saved for another time - maybe at a gathering afterward with family and friends, or just when the two of you are alone.

 

What’s the best gift to give kids during the ceremony? Maybe I’m old school, but my answer here is none.

 

What gift should we give our visiting guests? Again, my answer is none. Except for maybe a speaker who traveled to be in attendance. And that gift should be given separately, not during the ceremony.

 

Should we serve food and drinks at the ceremony? Think of it as similar to a promotion ceremony – punch, cake and maybe a few finger foods will do.

 

Should we have a party or dinner afterward? Many people opt to have a celebration with family and friends after the ceremony or at a later date, but it is by no means expected. This can be a great way to mark the occasion in a more casual and fun way, present gifts and share funny stories. Just remember that this is an entirely separate event from the ceremony and the unit plays no role. Also remember it’s not “mandatory” to spend a lot of money on such an event. If you do opt to have a party, guests are just as likely to appreciate a backyard BBQ as a formal dinner, if not more so.

 

The bottom line when it comes to a retirement ceremony? This day is all about the person retiring. Let them mark the occasion in the way they best see fit.

 

 

By Amy Nielsen

We made a huge decision as a family over the last week. We set the date to move into our RV and live on the road full time.

We have been working towards this goal since retirement from the Navy five years ago. We knew it would take a bit to organize ourselves and our stuff into a position where we could begin to think about this for real.

We knew we had to deal with some financial debt. Then there was the emotional leap from paying for a house with rooms we never go in and working a job he hates, to finding the right storage area for the heirloom family items we want to hold on to and deciding exactly what in the kitchen this active chef must have on hand.

Moving is a part of the fabric of our existence as a military family. For us, it’s exhilarating - a new place, new space, new friends, new shops, new everything. It is a chance to begin again, to try out a different way, an exploration of a different aspect of self. Some places we land are financially challenging, some socially challenging, and others are emotionally challenging, but each affords us a chance to delve deeply into a niche of our being previously undeveloped.

With a bit of personal fortitude and strength, new places become the stones to build a world from.

These kinds of moves always presuppose that one is moving to a stationary place, a new home, a new town. It is comforting to see a familiar supermarket or restaurant. Finding the local library and getting a card is a rite of passage for many. Registering for school or the town Little League means new roots are going in. Understanding what it is about these that are important to you makes the transition to mobility easier. Taking the kids to all of our local libraries in preparation for this trip means learning that every library has a librarian and that most are happy to help find your favorite book which means all libraries in the country become our hometown library.

The hardest part of getting to this decision hasn’t been the finances or the issues of the stuff we want to keep versus the stuff we can give back to the universe, it has been the emotional shift from living a traditionally rooted life, like the oak tree in the front yard watching the same community grow feeling the soil of one space to one more like a river wandering through the countryside up and down tributaries being replenished by experiences rather than material goods.

This move is the first we are making that is really truly for ourselves. When my husband retired from the Navy, we were flat broke, close to being evicted from our military housing, with two young children including one with multiple needs. His military certifications didn’t cross over to the civilian world so he had to go back to school to be civilian certified in the exact curriculum he had been teaching in the Navy for the last few years of his 20 year career. To say we took what we could get would be an understatement. The best option we could find was a fast track program back in the last place we wanted to be stationed again.

We moved to a place of relative sanity and security after the whirlwind of our first years in civilian life. We thought we were working toward the dream. We bought a house. We planned vacations. We put in a fence. But we had our eyes firmly planted on the open road. When we got our RV, that first family trip felt so much like a Frog and Toad story we laughed ourselves silly.

We are in the early throws of minimizing or as my mom says, “decrapifying.” I used to be the kind of person who had neatly organized boxes of pencils and note pads, spices grouped by sweet or savory, and color coordinated fabric tubs – so many fabric tubs.

Then I had kids and we moved three times in five years, twice with the Navy tossing everything in crates and once by ourselves in a hurry. My obsession with putting like things with like things has turned into a giant junk drawer of insanity in every closet, nook and cranny.

I am most excited to plan our first trip to see far flung friends across the country. It is still 18 months away, but we will be taking longer and longer trips as we work up to being on the road fulltime. Each step, each trip, is a chance to refine our understanding of our new existence. It is a chance to help our family and friends see that this allows us the ability to visit more often for better quality visits.

The shift is real and it is hard and it is a solid line in the sand. In the last week I have gone from thinking, oh I wanted to try that new toothpaste so I’ll pick it up while I am here even though I am still only halfway through the current tube to putting that same new toothpaste back as I really don’t need to store an extra tube of toothpaste in my house now. I can’t wait to see how many pairs of scissors we end up finding as we begin the process of going through every single item in our house to put it in one of three piles; RV house, storage house, or return to the universe.

When one moves from roots to rivers this notion of what is familiar and comforting is at the same time expanded to every strip mall in the country and shrunk to what will fit in the cubby by your bed. Exploring a town for the best pizza while knowing that there is only one perfect pillow and it’s on your bed and your bed is in the parking lot no matter where in the country you are. The wanderlust for many has been well worn out in the years of moving under orders at the whim of others. For us, the taste for travel was only whetted and never slacked.

I’ve applied for nearly 20 jobs in the past six months since we decided to live in Florida. Some I’ve even applied for twice.

 

I’ve had two interviews, but no offers.

 

My husband recently asked me how I deal with all that rejection. My reply?

 

“Welcome to my life. This is what I’ve been doing for 27 years.”

 

With each PCS, we military spouses reinvent ourselves. We fill new roles, either in the military unit or at our kids’ schools or in community organizations we join. And in our jobs.

 

Many of us, including me, start from the bottom each time we PCS and never really have much time to move up the career ladder.

 

We adapt. We overcome. We make it work.

 

But doing that after retirement seems harder and even more exhausting.

 

Since we won’t necessarily be moving every two years anymore, I won’t have that chance to reinvent myself. I potentially could be in a job for three, five, even 10 years. I will be expected to grow in my position and continue to contribute to the organization.

 

I won’t just be treading water, trying to keep my skills at least minimally fresh, until the next move and the next opportunity.

 

I might actually be able to build something. And while that’s exciting, it’s also incredibly intimidating.  

 

There are no more excuses.

 

Add to that the fact that I am 50 years old, and was told straight up by someone working in one office where I applied that the hiring authority was “looking for someone younger.”

 

Sigh. 

 

I’m a journalist by trade. I’ve written for some of the largest newspapers in the country. I’ve covered everything from the local school spelling bee to war in a far-flung corner of Asia. I’ve been full-time on staff at several newspapers and one military public affairs office, and I’ve freelanced extensively between jobs.

 

I’ve also recently expanded my resume by getting a professional certificate in social media management, and volunteering for a local community organization to get more on-the-job experience in that area.

 

I’m good at what I do, but sometimes that’s hard to translate to a job application or interview, especially when you have been out of the workplace for a few years raising kids or moving across the country and the world.

 

My last full-time job was in 2012, and I didn’t really have to interview or apply for it. It just kind of fell in my lap.

 

My recent job interviews here were in November and January. I still keep going over the questions in my head, over and over, and laughing at some of my own answers. Here’s a sampling of interviewer questions, and a summary of my responses:

 

Interviewer: “Tell us about yourself.”

 

Me: “Well, you’ll notice some gaps in my resume. That’s because I lived all over the world as a military spouse. But my husband recently retired and we are settling down here now. As you can also see from my resume, my job experience includes …”

 

Interviewer: “What are your short term goals for this position?”

 

Me: “To become a subject-matter expert in the areas under my scope of responsibility.”

 

Interviewer: “What are your long-term goals for this position?”

 

Me: “Wow, I’ve never been anywhere long enough to set long-term goals before. I’m excited about that!”

 

Interviewer: “Describe a time when you did something “out of the box” at work.”

 

Me: “Hmmm … let me think about that one for a minute …”

 

Interviewer: “Describe a time when you collaborated with others, and highlight any projects where you took the lead.”

 

Me: “I often lead discussions in the workplace.”

 

Interviewer: “Describe your supervisory experience.”

 

Me: “I have none.”

 

Interviewer: “Why do you want to work for this organization?”

 

Me: “Who wouldn’t want to work for this organization!?!?”

 

Yes, I really answered that last question that way. 

 

After all this, I’ve decided to change my focus and be inspired by these interview questions. I’m taking all that rejection and pouring it into my growing freelance business.

 

I’m thinking out of the box by looking at different ways to make money through writing – last week I worked with a PR firm covering a big medical equipment convention near where I live. 

 

I’m setting both short- and long-term goals for my own business, and collaborating with peers, contacts and former co-workers and supervisors to make it happen.

 

And as for that last interview question, I thought of a much better answer 30 minutes later on my way home.

Isn’t that the way it always goes?

Buying a home is one of the biggest decisions many of us will ever make, not only financially, but emotionally as well.

It’s also one of the things many soon-to-be military retiree families look forward to the most. We want to buy curtains and rugs that actually fit and match, paint the walls and replace the flooring and install whatever countertops we like best.

We want a place of our own. Or, as many call it, a “forever home.”

But is buying a house a wise choice when in the midst of leaving the military?

The answer varies widely depending on who you ask. Even retirement planners and financial experts have different opinions. Some say you should wait to see exactly what your financial situation will be post-retirement, and that it doesn’t make sense to make such a huge decision in the midst of an even bigger life change like retirement.

Others say you should always buy rather than rent, because real estate is a long-term investment. The keyword there is long-term, though – most military retirees relocate to another city at least twice, if not more, during the first five years after leaving the service.

The forever home we’ve all dreamed of is, apparently, a myth.

In our case, we did buy a home, about nine months after retirement (we lived in our RV in the meantime, while we decided where to settle). We didn’t plan to buy – we were going to do the “smart” thing and make sure we really like the area. However, we ended up moving to a resort/tourist town, where long-term rentals are expensive and in short supply. It was much cheaper, on a monthly basis at least, for us to buy.

Everyone should consult their own financial expert and determine the best course of action for their particular situation. But here are seven things to consider when choosing whether to buy or rent a home during or immediately after the retirement process, based solely on my family’s own experience over the past year:

• Income. This one catches a lot of people by surprise. When you apply for a mortgage, the lender will ask for proof of how much money you make, and how much you have in savings (they will often require an amount equal to three months’ mortgage or more). They’ll also look at your debt – car payments, other real estate, credit cards, basically any bills that you pay or money owed. The lender has to make sure that you can afford the mortgage, not just now but in the future. The surprise part is this: You could be turned down for a loan if you can’t prove post-retirement income. Some lenders will take a memo from a future employer, if you have one. Others will take an online printout of a retirement calculator showing the service member’s retirement amount. But many lenders will require actual pay stubs or proof that retirement income is already being paid, in some cases for as long as 12 months prior to the home purchase. The bottom line? If you plan to buy a house during retirement, make sure you have plenty of cash saved up, and that you have adequate proof of income to cover the mortgage, no matter if that income is from a job, retirement, disability or winning the lottery.

 

• Finances. See above. But also consider this: Just because a bank will give you a loan, it doesn’t mean you can afford the house. Conversely, just because you think you can afford the mortgage, the bank might not. We qualified for a slighter lower loan amount than we hoped for. In the end, it worked to our advantage because it helped keep us from spending beyond our means.

 

• Cost. This is where we looked especially closely when considering whether to rent or buy. Buying a house comes with a lot more expenses than many first-time home buyers realize. Besides the mortgage, there are taxes and insurance, and of course maintenance. You also should have money set aside for emergency repairs. The last thing you want to do is go into debt because your “new” house needs a major roof repair or HVAC replacement six months after you move in.

 

• Mortgage. We had only ever bought one house before, and that was almost 12 years ago. We had no idea you could “shop” for mortgages. We bounced offers back and forth between three different lenders, and ended up getting our interest rated dropped .5 percent, as well some closing costs covered.

 

• Loan type. Lots of retirees use a VA loan. The biggest benefit is, unlike a conventional loan, a VA loan doesn’t require any down payment. This allows you to get a loan while preserving your cash in the bank, but it also means your monthly mortgage payment will be higher. Other than that, VA loans have the same qualification as any other home loan. One other thing to note: The VA has maximum loan limits by region. You can go over the maximum, but in that case you will have to provide a 25 percent down payment for the amount above the loan limit.

 

• VA funding fee. Generally, anyone who has a service-connected VA disability rating is eligible to have the loan funding fee waived. Depending on your home purchase price, this can equal several thousand dollars. But the requirements are tricky. According to the VA, the veteran must have already applied for disability at the time of closing in order to be eligible for the waiver. Like many things, there is a lot of confusing information about this topic online, so be sure to consult the VA directly to ask about a funding fee waiver.

 

• Property taxes. As mentioned above, this is a cost to consider when calculating your monthly payments. Some states waive a portion of your property taxes, or even all of it, based on VA disability. Once you do buy a house, be sure to check with your local tax office to see if this benefit is available.

You know that old saying about Murphy, and how he always seems to show up during a deployment?

I’m here to tell you he likes to visit during retirement, too. In fact, Murphy followed us all the way across the Atlantic Ocean, although it did take him awhile to catch up.

We left Stuttgart, Germany, on terminal leave in August, 2016, and spent most of the next year traveling the country in our RV, with a cat and two teenagers.

We were on edge much of the journey, just waiting for something to happen. We knew Murphy had to be around somewhere, lurking and ready to strike at the most inopportune time. The RV life had its challenges, but surprisingly we escaped mostly unscathed. We did have minor issues here and there, but no major mechanical breakdowns or injuries or other catastrophes.

We arrived in Florida around Memorial Day and decided to stay. This is where Murphy caught up with us.

A month or so after we got here and started house hunting, we decided to put our RV up for sale and move into a temporary rental. That rental had the weirdest bathroom I’ve ever seen. You had to walk down three steps to get into the shower (hello, Murphy!). Those steps took my husband out one night, and he broke two ribs. He’s still not completely healed.

Shortly after that I got a huge gash in one of the tires on my car. Luckily, I was parked when it went totally flat, but I did have to call roadside assistance because my poor injured husband, who normally would have taken care of it in five minutes, could barely move, let alone loosen the lug nuts. And I had to replace a tire that had less than 10,000 miles on it.

A couple of days later, my car battery – with only 50,000 miles on it - went dead in a beach parking lot, and the vehicle’s whole electrical system shut down. Meaning the doors wouldn’t unlock. And also meaning I could not retrieve my cell phone or wallet from inside the locked car. My daughter and I walked the mile or so back to where we were staying.

Finally, things were looking up. We bought and closed on a house, and painted and replaced all the flooring ourselves, with no delays or complications. Two different home inspectors said the house was in great shape, especially the tile roof, which was expected to last another 30 years (Murphy alert!).

We moved in on Sept. 1. Our first and largest shipment of household goods that had been in storage was delivered on Sept. 6. Two days later, on Sept. 8, we were ordered to evacuate due to the approach of Hurricane Irma. We boarded up our windows, loaded up the kids and the cat and a few personal belongings, and left.

We came back home three days later, to a house that was still full of unpacked boxes but looked otherwise intact. Until we got a record-breaking amount of rain a week later and water started pouring through the ceiling.

Our roof had sustained hurricane damage that wasn’t immediately apparent. It’s still covered with a tarp, six months later (this one really hurt – thanks, Murphy!).

Six weeks or so after the hurricane, around the beginning of November, our air conditioner went out. Remember we live in Florida. Even in November, you need AC.

About two months after that, on New Year’s Eve, my husband decided to fix the shower knob in the master bathroom. Technically, there was nothing wrong with it, it was just really hard for me to turn on all the way. We discussed whether we should turn off the water before removing the knob.

“Nah,” I said. “It’s not like the water runs through the knob.”

Five minutes later, my husband yelled: “Grab a bucket and start bailing!”

The water seeped into the master bedroom closet and the kitchen, and ran out into the garage. The water shutoff was stuck, and we ended up calling 911, as instructed by the after-hours recording for the water company. My husband managed to get the water turned off right as the fire truck pulled up in front of the house. The nice firefighters said they get these kinds of calls all the time, although I am betting most of them come from people a couple of decades older than we are.

Final count: Murphy 6, Us 0.

We might be living an entirely new, unfamiliar life, but at least we know good old Murphy still loves us.

Will you have financial security if your retired spouse dies before you?

Nobody likes to talk about the worst-case scenario. But when it comes to retirement, it is a conversation that every couple should definitely have.

Most of us are familiar with life insurance. There are several different types, but in general a life insurance policy pays a lump sum amount upon the insured person’s death.

Every active duty military member is automatically enrolled in Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance, commonly known as SGLI. But that insurance disappears when you leave the military. The “replacement” insurance – Veterans’ Group Life Insurance or VGLI – is a similar program.

It’s important to note that VGLI has no requirement for proof of good health or health screenings if you enroll within 240 days of separating from the military. Why is this important? Because many civilian life insurance providers will deny coverage to veterans with a high disability rating or certain health conditions.

The Survivor Benefit Plan is also another option offered to retirees. SBP pays the beneficiary up to 55 percent of the retiree’s pay – for life. Without it, a spouse or children of a retiree would receive nothing in terms of pay. Note: It’s a common misconception that retirement pay continues automatically to the surviving spouse upon the retiree’s death. Not true. Retirement pay stops immediately when the retiree dies.

A few things to note about SPB: A spouse must be present at signing if the retiring servicemember declines coverage, and there is only one very limited window to cancel once you sign up.

Whether to buy life insurance or increase your existing coverage, or take SBP, or some combination of the two, are hefty decisions.

We compiled a short list of (very) frequently asked questions to help you get started with this difficult conversation and wade through the options. We also enlisted Kate Horrell, a financial educator, coach and counselor who focuses on military families, to lend her expertise.

What is the difference between SBP and life insurance?

The answer to this one is pretty simple, although the two are very different products. SBP pays a monthly income to the beneficiary for life. Life insurance is a one-time lump-sum payment.

“If you want that lump sum to provide a stream of income, you will have to invest and/or manage it (or find someone trustworthy to do it for you),” Horrell said. “SBP pays a stream of income.”

Some people balk at the cost of SBP, which can be several hundreds of dollars a month for high-ranking retirees who choose the full 55 percent coverage. But Horrell believes SBP is “super cheap for what you are getting,” specifically because SBP includes annual cost of living allowances and the income continues for the life of the beneficiary.

What are some important factors to consider when purchasing life insurance?

Horrell advises that shoppers consider the stability of the company from which you purchase life insurance and the details of the policy (does it have a war clause, a suicide clause or other limitations that might be a factor in your situation. Also, she says, ask yourself how much coverage you really need.

Do I need life insurance?

The answer to this depends a lot on your personal situation, specifically if you have children or whether your spouse could support his/herself without it. It also depends on your own financial assets.

“There are lots of situations where someone may not need life insurance,” Horrell said. “If no one is depending on your income, you don't need life insurance. If your dependents have other sources of benefits or enough revenue to cover their expenses, you don't need life insurance.”

What are some of the most important factors to think about when considering SBP?

The same criteria from the above question – personal financial situation and family situation – also apply here. Also take into consideration the age of your children, if anyone in your family has special needs, and how much (if any) life insurance you have. Also consider what other streams of income surviving family members might have, and analyze how much more money (if any) would be needed on a regular basis.

Horrell says you should ask yourself these questions: “What does your family actually need, and how will their needs change over time? If you don't need the full amount of SBP for a lifetime, would an insurance policy ‘fill the gap’ appropriately and at a lower cost?”

Which should I choose – SBP or life insurance?

“In general, my advice for SBP vs. life insurance is that they are not an either/or question,” Horrell said. “They are very different products that provide very different benefits. A couple should analyze their needs and their thought patterns.”

Some people might feel most comfortable with a combination of the two. For example, Horrell said, a family might decide through their own needs analysis (or with the help of a financial advisor) to purchase a term life insurance policy in an amount that would cover a mortgage and college costs. The retiring servicemember might then decide to purchase SBP in an amount that would cover the rest of the monthly expenses, minus any other income sources.

“In my opinion, SBP is a better tool for a stream of income and life insurance is a better tool for fixed costs like mortgages and college costs,” Horrell said.

“In most cases, a combination of the two is a much better choice than one vs. the other.  SBP to provide long-term income, life insurance for shorter-term needs.

She advises those looking at their options to consider the “sleep-at-night factor.”

“What will help your survivors sleep at night? This is an emotional decision as well as a financial one.”

My kids started their first post-retirement school in August. A couple of months in, I asked my 16-year-old if he had made any friends yet.

“Not really,” he said. “There just aren’t any other kids like me.”

We often talk about how active duty servicemembers lose their bearings when they leave the military. They might feel lost, their feeling of purpose gone and their sense of working toward a clear objective stripped away. Their peers are no longer around to share war stories. They feel like they have nothing in common with anyone.

As spouses, we feel that, too. Our tribe is no longer next door or upstairs or down the street.

Kids, in a lot of ways, lose their sense of identity with retirement, too. They are no longer surrounded by kids “just like” them. Kids whose parents are in the military and are used to moving every one to three years. Kids who have traveled to places others only dream about. Kids who have been immersed in a multi-racial community all their lives. Kids who know what the world is like outside the four walls of their high school.

Kids who will almost always welcome a new friend.

Just like us, kids fear the unknown. They might be stressed by mom or dad not having a job, or by hearing their parents talk about whether they have enough money to get through the transition of retirement.

In trying to help my kids adjust, I turned to my go-to expert: Google. Several searches with different variants of “helping kids adjust to military retirement” or “kids and military retirement” turned up nothing.

There’s tons of information on how help kids adjust after a regular PCS, and many of those tips apply to retirement. But here are some more specific things we can do to help our kids, especially teenagers, have a smooth transition:

1. Have a retirement ceremony, and make the sure the kids are recognized. This will help give them closure, just like it does for the servicemember and spouse. And it will let them see that mom or dad is walking away from the military with a clean slate, ready for a fresh start.
2. Keep them informed every step of the way. Explain what retirement means, and what will happen on a weekly or monthly basis as you transition. Get them a calendar and write down important dates like the ceremony, pack-out dates and the first night in your new home.
3. Before retirement, try to have them involved in some sort of activity that will translate well to civilian life. Sports and scouting are two examples.
4. Give them a say. For the first time ever, you can move wherever you want. Some people might choose to go where they get a job, others might pick based on location. Either way, get the kids involved. Make it clear that you will make the final decision based on many factors, but that you value their input.
5. Once the location is chosen, give them a chance again to provide input. Let them look at schools and sports programs and other activities. Many communities have magnet schools and school choice programs, and teens especially should be hands-on in making those kinds of choices.
6. Explain your situation to school administrators, the counselor, teachers … anyone who will interact with your child. Tell them that you are going through a big transition and ask them to look out for your kids. Many will be amazed at the life you (and your kids) have lead.
7. By the same token, encourage your kids to share stories about their adventures in military life with their teachers and peers. They just might become famous as “the kid who’s from Germany” or “the kids who’s lived in 10 different states!”
8. Talk often about your memories of moving, traveling and military life in general.
9. Connect with old military friends in or near your new location. We all have friends all over the world!
10. Make new friends yourself. Connect with other parents at the school through sports teams, clubs or other activities. Your kids will feel more comfortable with their new surroundings you’re involved.

Remind your kids that military life prepares you to face any mission. They can do this. (And so can you!)