Let’s talk about applying for college.

I heard absolute nightmares about the stress caused by college applications. A friend of mine told me she had been sweating about the college application process, and rejection, since her sophomore year of  high school.

Ouch.

The truth is that many military spouses want to go back to school, but, the application process intimidates them.

I’m with you! My parents walked me through my first applications as a high school senior, and without them I would have made a nice mess. I had a pair of experienced eyes looking over my shoulder and footing the application fee, which took a lot of stress away.

When I decided to marry my husband, I knew that I would have to do it on my own. Even with two years of college experience under my belt, I felt nervous applying to transfer my credits to a new university that offered online classes. 

If you feel that way, don’t panic! Especially if you have never applied to college before. Let me put your mind at ease. Here is what you can expect when you commit to taking that step. 

After you have completed your virtual or campus college tours, and you have made your school selection, you need to submit your application. 

Finding the application shouldn’t give you any trouble, and I’ve never seen a college without one online.  Just check the website and look around if you can’t find it right away. Colleges want you to apply so they usually don’t make it a where’s Waldo situation. 

However, you will likely need a variety of information to complete the application.

First, the college will want to know your contact information. Sometimes it will give you an option to create an account so you can come back and finish the application later if you need. That part just depends on the school.. 

You will also need to fill in your education history. This includes the names of schools, dates attended, GPA, and if you have transfer credits. 

Side note, if you have AP credits from high school, first great job, but second, you won’t need to count those as transfer credits. When I filled out my application the first time, I didn’t know if those counted or not. 

These transfer credits only apply to college credits earned from another higher education institute.

There will also probably be a space for you to indicate your financial planning – how you will pay for school. It may ask if you plan to use financial aid, what type, scholarships, and if you’ve previously received any financial aid. This is the section that scared me the most.

I worried that I would check the wrong box, or fill it out incorrectly, and I wouldn’t have a chance to get the financial aid I needed. If you’re like me, don’t get too worried about it. This information isn’t set in stone, but in good faith, fill it out to the best of your knowledge and ability.

Lastly, there is usually an application fee. Again, that depends on the school. When I applied online as an undergrad, the university I chose required a fee, but my money was returned once I received my acceptance letter. 

I have never had to write an essay for an application to an online university, but  some schools may require it. I had friends that worked, erased, scribbled, crossed out, and played basketball with copies of their college essays, but I tried not to put that much pressure on myself. 

I think the schools want to see a glimpse of your sparkling personality and how you will be an amazing fit for the college. It should be professional and fulfill the requirements, but don’t forget to write like a person instead of computer.

By this point you’ve probably filled everything out, so hit submit. Triple check that you agree to any pop-ups so that you can be 1,000 percent sure that your application went through. I have skipped that step and had to redo everything!

After that, you should receive a confirmation that your application went where it needed to go and a typical acceptance time frame.   

Look out for a letter a few weeks later, too. I kept my acceptance letter on a bulletin board by my computer, as motivation. When I graduated, I placed it behind my diploma, in a frame.

Once they have accepted you, you will find out your student ID number and login information. Don’t lose these. 

Seriously, save the email, print the email, sticky note the login and ID onto your screen monitor, but whatever you do, don’t make yourself look irresponsible by having to ask for another copy. 

You don’t want to start your college journey by losing something so valuable. You will need your ID for practically everything: sending an email to your professor, advisor, essay headings etc. Keep it in several safe places, and don’t rely on memory, even if you have the best one in the world.

You should also receive an email from your academic advisor who will help you every step of the way. Feel free to ask them any questions. I once had an advisor tell me to never feel guilty for my questions because she enjoyed helping students. It seems that most sincerely feel that way.

The email from your advisor should also include information about your next steps: what forms need to be filled out, signed, where to register for classes and request financial aid, and most importantly an open and welcome invitation for every tiny question you could have. 

And that’s it! You’re finished with the application process. As a courtesy move, email your advisor back with your intent to enroll in the program, which happens upon registering for courses, and communicate the date by which you would like to start.

Likewise, if you have decided you would no longer like to attend a college you have been accepted to, it is best to email that university and let them know your decision. Many times there are a finite number of spots that can be filled, and if you never let them know your decision, they can’t move someone off of the wait list to fill your now empty seat. 

Go into the process prepared and try not to be anxious. I totally understand feeling nervous and overwhelmed, but you will get through the application and start cruising toward your major. I did, even after clicking the wrong high school on one of my applications. Whoever came up with final reviews was really onto something!

By Jenna Moede

I have heard military spouses say that they don’t feel qualified to find a job or start school. Some say they didn’t do well in high school. Others say that they have been out of school for so long they’ve forgotten how to do well.

I think that these awesome spouses have forgotten that high school is in the past. And since then, they may have gained some really valuable skills by being a military spouse.

In my case, I mastered multi-tasking pretty quickly while trying to juggle my husband’s ever-changing schedule, my own work schedule, my house, my pets - the list goes on. Many of my friends feel exactly the same. I think we all feel like master multi-taskers sometimes.

And  multi-tasking is a great skill for a student to have. Not only will you have to handle everything from your normal life, but you will also need to add in time to study, take exams and write papers. While it seems like a lot to handle, already having the ability to mult-itask will help you add in the new work.

Employers love having a staff who can multi-task as well. When I worked at a law firm as a paralegal, I not only had to deal with matters related to our cases, but because the firm didn’t have a lot of employees, I often found myself filling in gaps by answering phones while reviewing documents or making copies or while writing a letter to the court clerks.

Having the ability to tackle several things at once will really help you stand out and become an asset to your company.

Additionally, as a military spouse, you may find that you have developed your interpersonal skills.

Military spouses gain this valuable skill by constantly meeting new people, going new places and doing things out of our comfort zones.

And the military's busy event schedule, flight BBQs, promotion ceremonies and annual balls demand that that spouses are thrown into a variety of different situations and learn to cope, quickly.

This will definitely not be a wasted skill when you return to college. Interpersonal skills will give you a leg up when you attemp to make connections in your classes and learn from other students.

This skill will help you form valuable relationships with fellow students and build networks.

Likewise, employers often value this skill as well. In many positions employees come in contact with clients, customers, and other business people throughout the day. An employee who has the ability to converse with all of them effectively and efficiently will perform their job well.

If I haven’t convinced you yet that some skills we gain as military spouses come in handy, let me give you two more examples.

I can bet that many military spouses have learned how to organize their life into a way that makes sense and works for them. This doesn’t look the same for everyone, but as spouses we most often schedule appointments, plan time off and vacations, keep a calendar of work and events, and keep our lives on track.

By doing this, many spouses gain the skill of maintaining a schedule. We not only plan the appointments, but we make sure they all get kept with all the necessary paperwork or equipment.

Similarly, during the college years, this skill helps students. Organization helps students stay on top of their school schedules and know their assignment due dates, when exams will happen and what they need to complete for financial aid and other school related deadlines.

After college, organization will benefit you as an employee. You might end up in a position you never expected, like when I started as a paralegal, but having the ability to keep organized helps keep you more relaxed.

Because I already understood how to schedule appointments, I could easily schedule meetings. Because I knew how to plan deadlines, I didn’t have any trouble docketing court dates. I found that the little skills that I had never recognized before helped me become a useful employee.

Lastly, many spouses know how to handle their personal finances. While this might not ring true in every case, for most of the friends I have made, it does.

Personal finances help set you up for success both in college and future employment. The benefits seem obvious if you plan to go for a business or financial specific degree, but it will also help you as a student in general.

While your courses might not focus on those skills, you will need to familiarize yourself with the financial policies of your school and your financial aid. Having financial knowledge will help you navigate this tricky part of college.

Likewise, it will help you as an employee because, as I mentioned, you might end up where you never expected. I paid minor bills for my previous employers, wrote checks and maintained a check register.

Knowing how to handle these items really helped me, and I found that these activities came really easily to me because I did similar things at home.

If you feel like you can’t go to school because you think you don’t think you have the skills, think about all the things you do and all the skills you have because of the life you live, the life of a military spouse.

You might be more prepared than you thought.

Most moms and dads out there know that child care and preschool costs are tax deductible. But, did you know that when you head back to class some of your educational expenses can also lower your tax bill?

For the 2016 tax year there are two tax credits you can take advantage of as you file your taxes:

the American Opportunity Credit and the Lifetime Learning Credit.

The American Opportunity Credit – Students, parents and third parties who paid the education bill can claim up to $2,500 for adjusted qualified education expenses for each student who qualifies.

This benefit is different than a deduction which reduces the amount of income that may be taxed. A credit, on the other hand, directly reduces the tax itself that you have to pay. However, the allowable credit may be limited by the amount of your income.

To qualify, students must be enrolled in a program that results in a degree or educational credential and must be enrolled at least half-time for at least one academic period that begins during 2016 (or the first 3 months of 2017 if the qualified expenses were paid in 2016).

The credit can be used for tuition, enrollment fees and required course materials and can only be claimed for four years. Finally, the student must not have been convicted of a felony for possessing or distributing a controlled substance.

Lifetime Learning Credit – This credit is different because the tax payer can only claim up to $2,000 in educational expenses per year, however, they can claim this credit as many years as they want.

Also, while the American Opportunity Credit requires students to work towards a recognized degree, the Lifetime Learning Credit can be enrolled in a class that will result in a degree or improve their job skills.

The Lifetime Learning Credit does have income limits in order to claim it: $65,000 or less for individuals and $131,000 for married couples.

IRS rules allows the individual who paid the tuition, and who is then claiming the credit, to only claim one credit for each student, per year. However, if you have multiple students in school, you can claim one credit per each student.

The languager of the two credits can be confusing. To get the most from your tax credits it is always best to call the IRS directly or consult a tax professional. However, the IRS did leave a giant tip on their website, in bold type, for those trying to choose between the two credits.

It states, “If you have the choice, the American opportunity credit will always be greater than the lifetime learning credit.”

For complete details, visit the IRS website at: https://www.irs.gov/publications/p970/ch02.html

Military families are also often dedicated volunteers, sometimes to several organizations.

Tax return time is a chance to recoup some of the money we spend to help our communities.

Sure you get a warm and fuzzy feeling for helping out. You make new friends. You learn new skills. And, if you keep your records correctly, you can use the money you spend to volunteer as a deduction on your annual tax form.

Just to be clear, there are rules. Lots of them. The IRS has a form that tells you what charitable organizations qualify, what types of contributions you can deduct, how much you can deduct, how to track your donations and how to report them on your IRS forms.

The IRS details this in a handy publication you can find here:

https://www.irs.gov/uac/about-publication-526

And it is important to note that not all charities are recognized by the IRS. So, before you donate several thousand to a local needy food bank or school group, check the IRS list first to make sure you can deduct part of that money. You can find a list of eligible charities here:

https://www.irs.gov/charities-non-profits/exempt-organizations-select-check     

Basic IRS rules give three types of contributions that can be deducted: cash or check donations; property donations and out of pocket expenses you pay to do volunteer work. This last category is the most nebulous.

Dues and fees you pay to join a volunteer organization  cannot be deducted, neither can items that that organization reimburses you for. There is also a clause for “gifts from which you receive benefit.” Basically, if you are enjoying the experience or using a volunteer trip as a partial vacation, you need to be very careful with your deductions.

For example, to deduct a trip with a scout troop to a local attraction, while you may not be able to deduct the ticket to the attraction, since you were there enjoying yourself, you probably can deduct the mileage you logged ferrying yourself and a car full of scouts.

To deduct mileage, you must keep track of the date, where you traveled to and from, and the exact mileage of each trip. You can be reimbursed for the actual cost of the gas and oil or be paid 14 cents per mile, but not both.

Not to mention, there are very specific rules set forth by the IRS for deducting gifts you make of $250 or more.

The best way to deduct your volunteer expenses? Keep all receipts. Log your miles in a book or excel spreadsheet and consult a tax professional.  

By Jenna Moede

A month has passed since people made new goals for the new year.  When I discussed resolutions with my friends, more than one put going to college on their list. 

So now, after a month has passed, I’ve talked to those same friends who said they wanted to go back to college. I’ve heard a laundry list of reasons why they have decided not to.

I want to examine a couple of the main reasons I’ve heard that cause spouses to hesitate before taking the leap to attend college.

I often hear that spouses don’t know how to choose a college or a major. Many women have some idea what field they would like to work in, but they have a hard time knowing what path will fit their needs the best.

I felt that way too when I studied for my undergrad degree. When I got married, I knew that I needed to transfer, but I had no idea how to choose an online college for my program. 

I ended up choosing one out of convenience. My university accepted most of my credits, and I didn’t have to backtrack very much in order to finish my degree. 

While I finished my degree quickly, I wish I’d had more information when I chose my school. 

If this issue troubles you, I advise you to not put it off and to do your own research.  Don’t rely solely on the opinions of your friends and family no matter how much you trust their ideas.

Reach out to the universities and colleges that interest you. Talk to the admissions staff at your potential schools because they have the best information on their programs.  

As far as choosing a major, if you know what field you would like to go into, you have an advantage over some students. However, if you don’t know your passion, you have a great opportunity to explore new things. 

I’ve talked quite a bit about general educational classes before. These types of classes can give you a great overview of many fields and can help in your decision making.

If you want to go back to school but you don’t know what school to choose or what major to choose, don’t stall. Talk to universities and colleges and do your research so you can make an informed decision and not put off your goals. 

Next I hear a lot about timing. Many spouses show an interest in going back to school, but they worry about making school a priority right now. 

I’ve heard every reason for why spouses have to wait to go back from moving to childcare, but if timing causes you to hesitate, consider that it might never work out perfectly. 

For me, after high school it felt natural to go right to college, but after getting married, it didn’t feel as easy.

Since most spouses will never have that perfect opportunity right out of high school, they have to make the timing feel perfect whenever they have to motivation to start classes.

I have never regretted making the timing work for me, and I always tell myself that I need to pursue my dreams now.

Along the same lines, frequent moves cause many spouses to suspend plans of pursuing a degree. Many worry that they might work hard to earn a degree that won’t help them in the long run. 

If this sounds familiar, I recommend looking into many degree options. If you have a field that interests you, do your research. 

Know what career options your degree offers and recognize whether or not you will learn a portable skill.

Be careful though. While some degrees move easily, other jobs have state requirements. Make sure you learn if your chosen degree has any state requirements to practice in that field. 

Also remember that once you have your degree, you have an edge. In many career fields having a degree helps gain opportunities for non-entry level jobs. 

Overall, don’t let the military define what career you can or cannot pursue. Look ahead, do your research and decide what you want. 

Additionally, spouses I know often worry about the time commitment of school. Even though it might look overwhelming at first, with all the classes and schedules, don’t let it intimidate you. 

Even if you always feel busy, you might still have the best opportunity to go to college right now. I always think that no matter what happens, I will always feel busy, so I don’t like to let time stop me. 

If you feel this way, take classes at your own pace.  As I’ve mentioned before, online classes really help with time management. 

With classes online, you will have more options than traditional campus classes. You will work under a deadline, but when you have time available. 

Additionally, work at a pace you’re comfortable with. I have studied both full time and part time and while I preferred full time, other students have found that part-time schoolwork has fit their needs better. 

You don’t have to do the same thing as your friends. Find which one fits your needs and work within the constraints of your own schedule. A time commitment doesn’t have to stop you.

Lastly, the financial commitment worries many spouses, and I completely understand. Knowing that I had a financial obligation caused me stress at first, too. But you can lessen the obligation if you know what to look for.  

I suggest scouring the internet for scholarships and grants open to military spouses. I didn’t even know those types of grants and scholarships existed when I got married, and I missed out on potential opportunities.

I also urge you to look for other scholarships and grants. While you have a plethora of scholarships open to only military spouses, you may qualify for others too. 

Give yourself time to do research and leave no stone unturned when it comes to looking financial options.  It might take a lot of time, but you might just earn one of the scholarships or qualify for a grant.

So, if you have one of these issues standing between you and college, remember that you can overcome it and earn your degree.  You can pursue the career you dream of even with the twists and turns of  military life.

By Amy Nielsen

I have some very interesting friends in my life. Many with deep passions for things well beyond my comprehension. Lately, I have had to make some hard decisions about what I really believe and what behavior I allow to continue in my circle of friends.

This recent political climate has reawakened a personal, and I believe, national understanding of self-esteem that is giving a voice to deeply held passions. The generalized indignation of the nation is setting free the voices of the people. Some of those voices speak unbelievable things.

According to Google, “self-esteem: noun; confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect”.

Ok, what is self-respect? “Self-respect: noun; pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity.”

Notice that nowhere in the definitions does it say anything about morality. That is up to us to make sure that, along with our pride in ourselves, we are raising up the pride in those around us by not squashing them down to climb on top of them.

I began to examine my beliefs and tolerances. I started at the very beginning. To whom was I born? To what was I born? How did that affect me and how I view the world? My young years were ones of some privilege. I understand now much more clearly where I come from. I understand what I learned to believe and what I saw and understood about life. I can now differentiate between the two and I understand why I was taught as I was, right or wrong. I have the ability as a thinking individual to change my mind, ask for forgiveness and formulate a better way of being.

I have lived a life significantly different from the vast majority of people I have met along my journey. Now, I am finally amongst a group of peers to whom I can really relate. I have lived in and with the highest of the high and among those who need the most respect for moving through life in an existence that is beyond unacceptable. That that divide happens within feet of each other, having lived on both sides, I cannot fathom not helping make things better for all.

I have moved forward in my beliefs and in my understanding of the human condition. I know what I can do to help in my small ways. I have learned through reflection and discussion what my worth is in the grand scheme of things. Not my worth in relation to others, but my worth within my understanding of the cosmos. I understand what I have to give and how I can best help heal the divide both inside a person and inside my community.

I swallow my privilege and remember when I wore different shoes. I teach peaceful relaxation and meditation to kids. I help women understand more about themselves. I love my neighbor but tolerate no crud. I sincerely believe that what I put out there will come back to me three fold and that Karma is Murphy’s little kid sister, so watch out.

I respect actions, and things I can see with my own eyes or through the eyes of people I trust who are in a situation. I am a global citizen with deep American roots. I fix it by making sure my every interaction is one of respect and dignity of the human being in front of me first. If I stand by my integrity, then I lead by example.

I have a brain and I am a rational person, I can be reasoned with. I can be wrong. With solid research, understanding, and compassion, I can live a life that makes the world a better place by helping others to live in kindness.

Boiling this down to daily interactions means being a good customer to get good customer service. If you are respectful of the barista, they are more inclined to give you good customer service. Simple as that.

Self-esteem is choosing to smile and make eye contact with your Shop-Rite checkout clerk. Self-esteem is as small as choosing tea over coffee, or greens over fries. Self-esteem is as big as 500,000 peaceful marchers gathered to promote intersectional social justice. Self-esteem is about actions speaking louder than words.

Remember that self-esteem is rooted in self-respect and at the end of the day the only person you accountable to is yourself.

By Amy Nielsen

When your skills can fit the job descriptions of multiple industries, your resume will look disjointed at best, and unreliable at worst. This is where the art of the cover letter comes into play.  

My particular superpower is logistics. I can organize cats to march out of a paper bag in nice neat lines, in any industry, as long as I know what or who needs to go where and when. To that end I have worked in industries as disparate as a theater, a water treatment lab and a school kitchen.

What ties all of my work experience together is the ability to logically and quickly see the bigger picture or pattern and identify the flow, where it is ebbing and where it is hitting rapids. Then I smooth out those kinks so everything ends up where it is supposed to be, when it is scheduled to be there.

Applying online is the norm now. But, that online application is rarely going to get you the job. We are in a world that may seem based in our technology, but when push comes to shove, you get the job when your personality, and abilities, are noticed. A well-constructed cover letter can be the foot in the door that moves your resume from the ‘never in a million years pile’ to the ‘how soon can we get her started?’ pile.

How to say enough without oversharing in that letter is the issue. Human resource personnel don’t have time, and won’t the take the time, to read pages and pages of your most beautifully written life story. Save that for your memoirs. What you do need to convey is how your experience can benefit their business.

In order to be clear and concise in the cover letter, first learn as much as you can about the company. First and foremost, learn the name of the direct supervisor or reporting manager you would be working under. Address the letter to them, not to the HR staff, as this person will be hiring you or working with you on a daily basis. All it takes is a quick web search or call to the company.

In my own cover letter, I have a varied job history that spans multiple duty stations and careers. To describe my abilities, I chose to use one paragraph per year to describe the salient points pertaining to the job from that year.

Also, I have several years of unemployment on my resume. I was a stay-at-home mom raising my two girls. I was not sitting on my tush eating bon bons. However, it behooves me to explain that during those years I was very active in our Compass Team, an international peer to peer mentoring organization for Navy Spouses. Volunteer work is just as important and often says a lot more about you as a person than your specific work history.

Work history listed on your resume only tells the hiring company so much. Every industry uses similar terms for hierarchy, but those positions can have vastly different responsibilities. Listing your title as “manager” tells me that you were responsible for something, but not who, what or how you were responsible. A good cover letter can drill down into the how of the jobs you have held and allows you to briefly explain your successes as a manager. It becomes a spring board for later conversations at the interview process. It sets you apart.

So when applying for a new job, stretch your wings in your cover letter. It’s the place to shine and show your personality. It needs to be professional, concise, and grammatically correct. There is nothing worse than bad grammar or spelling in a cover letter. So make sure someone else reads it over, out loud. Then send it off.

Always follow up with a phone call to make sure it was received and ask if they need any information to complete your file. This gives them the chance to ask for references or letters of recommendation. I do not send these with the cover letter and resume, I wait for the HR staff to ask me for them, but I always offer to send them in, both in the cover letter and again when I call.

If you’ve been out of the workplace or are changing careers or even looking for something new in your current field, write out a cover letter to complement your resume, not to compliment your potential new employer. It will help set you apart from the hordes of applicants who are not as shiny as you.

By Jenna Moede

I know that I've mentioned this before, but when we first arrived in Cheyenne I didn't participate in the community. I also didn't know where to look to find events and activities. I felt bored after the initial excitement of a new place wore off.

However, once I found motivation, I realized that I could find ideas anywhere and everywhere. I began researching in both common and unconventional places.

I started my search on social media because I could access it easily. I know it sounds super obvious, but I had previously only used it for my dream travel, not my local area or realistic trips. I changed my perspective and started to search local areas for new ideas. The amount of information I found really overwhelmed me.

There were so many good ideas and launching places from social media. Some of the places I found required me to do extra research but for other ideas we could jump right into getting there.  Either way, social media gave me a great launching point for finding entertainment, and it helped me to build my confidence as I learned to plan fun activities.

My social media searches inspired me to broaden our list of activities and try new types of adventures. I always had an interest in hiking, but seeing all the great photos and stories helped me expand our basic hikes to include snowshoeing, skiing, visiting national parks and museums.

I highly recommend trying something you’ve never done before. New opportunities not only expand our experiences, but they also help shape our perspectives about the places the military takes us.

On a side note, make sure you don’t push yourself beyond your abilities like I did a few times. One winter I thought snowboarding without lessons sounded like a good idea. I ended up breaking my wrist, and that slowed me down for a few weeks. But, I had so much fun snowboarding! Just be smart about the activities you choose to try. 

After a little taste of adventure and what the west had to offer, I started looking at anything I could get my hands on. I followed the city on social media sites, and I checked out the city website which had a section on upcoming events. It always gave me great ideas because I could see all the attractions coming for each season. 

I also started reading the local newspaper. I always pulled up our local paper online, and they featured an article every weekend about traveling the local area and the outdoors. They gave fantastic suggestions on hidden local gems and always had places that I had never heard of, even with all of my research.   

In addition to the paper, I read flyers that came in the mail and the base paper that was delivered to my house each week. I had always ignored those things before, but I soon realized these resources helped me find great, new, day trips. 

We also started to pop into outdoor recreation office on base once at the beginning of each month to see the upcoming trips and grab a schedule of events. Early on in our marriage I definitely didn’t give credit to the military for all of the things they try to do for families. 

I realized that if I didn’t take advantage of the trips they offered, or at least borrow their ideas, then I couldn’t complain about our location.  Even if we couldn’t do the trips when outdoor rec had them scheduled, it helped us learn about new things and we could plan similar excursions on our own time. 

Likewise, I requested Wyoming’s tourist guide from the state website. It broke the state apart by regions and listed not only things to do but also parks, events and the best times to visit. It proved super valuable and now I request one every year. 

Lastly, I ordered some travel guides. I could have easily borrowed them from the library, but I love to mark books up so I bought different brands of travel guides and also hiking guides. They became incredibly helpful because they gave cost information, hours and parking in one convenient paragraph. 

I started looking at Wyoming and Colorado as a tourist that wanted to see all the best sites. I realize that I have a limited amount of time here and I don’t want to miss a thing. 

Finally, listen to other people. Listen to people in the community, other military families, people you work with and friends because most likely everyone has some interesting knowledge. Talk to the people you know about what they have done and ask questions. Not only will you build your community roots, but you could get suggestions for places you didn’t know existed.  

Now that I have embraced where we live, we have had so much fun exploring the area and playing tourist. While I think community roots have value, I also think you have to look at your city with the fresh eyes of a newcomer so that you can always find the excitement going on.

I recommend setting a goal to get out and explore locations near you especially because, with the military, you never know how long you will live there. Go for every opportunity!   

By Jenna Moede

I hope no one feels as awkward as I did when I first married into the military. The title of “military spouse” made me really, really uncomfortable. In fact, I let it make me miserable until I started embracing my new city.  

Because of our spouses, we get to call two communities home: the military community and the local community outside the gate. Once I realized how lucky that made me, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started understanding how to fit in. 

I owe it all to working hard at making friends and letting go of my fears. I recommend that every new spouse try those two things if they’re feeling down!

Coming straight from a college campus where I had met most of my friends as a freshman, making friends as the latecomer didn’t feel natural. Wedging myself into already established friend groups intimidated me, but I knew that spouses come from different places in life and that everyone felt like the newbie at some point.

It turned out I had nothing to worry about because no one excluded me as the newcomer, and most people understood my struggle. Because families constantly moved, groups never really got as established as they seemed.  

I started really meeting new people through work. I built my network and I met some personal friends.  Some of those people had affiliations to the military and some didn’t, but it didn’t matter either way. I really enjoyed not relying on someone else, like my husband, to make friends for me.

As my circle continued to grow, other community relations fell into place. I still had to work hard, but it did seem as if opportunities kept knocking, and I just had to open the door.

One of those doors led me to volunteering. It became both a way to network and a way to spend time giving back to the new place I called home. I found, and still find, most of the volunteer work online, through my job, and through the base newspaper and websites. If anyone would like to volunteer, those resources are a great start.  

I also enjoyed finding out about upcoming events through volunteering that I might not have known about otherwise. Now, I constantly get invited to join in activities, and I truly feel at home in this community because of it. 

Joining community groups also helped me feel connected to my environment. It made me nervous at first to go to group meetings where I didn’t know anyone, but everyone always welcomed me. It eventually got easier to step out of my comfort zone.

Since joining my first group, I have found additional groups on our base’s social media pages, the public library, local websites and the events section of the newspaper.

I do, however, wish that I had joined a study group during my undergraduate studies as another way to get involved. Studying with my friends always motivated me on campus, and I think a local study group would have done the same. A study support group can help inspire members even when they don’t attend the same college or classes. Finding one in your local area, might give you the push you need to go back to school.  

Lastly, and most importantly, I had to change my attitude. I know not everyone needs an attitude change, but I think everyone feels insecure sometimes. I had to stop telling myself that I didn’t belong.  After getting married I felt like an outsider here and I thought that people judged me when I didn’t know exactly what to do. 

I even forgot my ID in the car while shopping at the commissary for the first time alone. Looking back, I could have easily gone out to my car before checkout, but I got so embarrassed that I just put all the food back and ran out. 

It took a while before I would go back in alone, but once I stopped acting so nervous and learned the ropes, I finally gained enough confidence.  Realize that you don’t have to always know what to do. That was my toughest and most awkward lesson.   

Feeling like I fit into the community boiled down to putting in the effort and acting confident until I actually felt confident. I stopped hesitating and second guessing and put my whole heart into getting the most out of life.

I feel most excited that I get to leave a part of myself behind when we move someday, and I will take something very special with me from this community. I put down roots, I made this place part of me.

It’s easy to say, ‘I’ve done this before.’

It’s easy to say, ‘I’m accustomed to my soldier husband coming and going.’

It’s very, very hard to say, ‘I need help.’

As thousands of troops return from Iraq, families are ecstatic. For many, this is the second, third, even fourth or more homecoming celebration. Most military families I know now have a plastic tub in their garage marked “homecoming” where they store the yellow ribbons and American flags next to the Christmas lights and plastic jack o’lanterns.

We’ve learned to cope. We’ve learned to be prepared. But for all our perfectly labeled boxes, Facebook pages full of contacts and well-planned calendars, we’ve yet to master the hardest part of being a military wife: asking for help.

Homecomings are delicious, emotional, feel-good times. These are moments full of kisses, local news camera crews and chubby babies in perfectly pressed “My dad wears combat boots” t-shirts that make the 15 months of struggle worth every moment.

 But the afterglow of homecoming eventually has to simmer and then extinguish.

Eventually, it strikes both you and your spouse that you haven’t lived together in a really long time. Divvying the chores, control of the money, parenting duties – really any dull moment of family life – can be like walking through a minefield of potential arguments.

There are emotional changes. There are physical changes. There is a lot to cope with.

And then, you think you just might see him jump when a shadow passes. He’s not sleeping through the night. He’s edgy in crowds. Is it PTSD or something else?

This homecoming may be unlike any other you’ve experienced. And even if it is, you may need help.

And that’s ok.

Early in the war, Military One Source was designed as an online resource for military families. It is different, and better, than any site I have found because the information is not just online, there is someone to talk to 24 hours a day – about anything.

Need help finding sources for daycare at your next duty station? Call. They’ll put you in touch with the right organizations.

Feeling overwhelmed and need to speak with a counselor? Call. They’ll talk to you in the moment and set up an appointment for you to speak with a local counselor as well if you would like – for free and without your husband’s unit’s involvement.

Afraid your husband is displaying too many signs of PTSD? Not sure? Call. They can talk you through it right there and then, 24 hours a day.

I’ve found it unusual to meet a spouse who has experienced only a single deployment. Most of us consider ourselves as battle-hardened, deployment-ready gals. We know the drill; we know what needs to be done.

However, I’ve also found that most of us have had that moment when we needed a hand, and were too afraid, embarrassed or even tired to ask. Don’t be. Ask for help. From a friend, family member or call Military One Source. I have, repeatedly. Just reaching out can make the weight on your shoulders feel just a little lighter.