Last week my dentist held an informational meeting for military retirees to help navigate the maze thousands of military families have suddenly found themselves in – choosing their medical coverage through Tricare, otherwise known as open season.

I was the youngest person in the room, by about 20 years. And the consensus among attendees and medical professionals was: this first year of Tricare open season is a confusing one.

As my dentist’s insurance specialist explained, since it is the first time, there isn’t a lot of solid information. The amounts that each plan will pay for each type of service isn’t completely clear which makes it hard to determine what the enrollee’s payout will be after having a root canal or other costly procedure.

Many of us have additional insurance through civilian employers and the mathematical equations to determine which insurance will pay for what are not simple either.

If you haven’t picked your Tricare coverage, your deadline is Dec. 10, so you need to sit down now and review your options.

Determine your needs. If you have small children you most likely won’t need orthodontics yet. Does everyone in your house wear glasses? Take a closer look at the vision plans for the best option to replace frames for small children who may break or lose them more often. 

You may need to spend the next few days on the phone with both Tricare and your secondary insurance through your civilian employer. Who pays for what? Which one is considered your primary (it’s not always Tricare) and is there a waiting period for certain procedures? Some insurances can make you wait up to a year before using your benefits to pay for a larger procedure such as a root canal.

Now is not the time to be afraid to ask questions. Ask them all but be prepared to spend some serious time both on the phone and on the computer reviewing your options.

But be certain, the time is worth it. When you are staring at a costly medical bill and realize you skipped over the coverage that would have left you with a minimal co-pay you will regret not looking at the fine print during open season.

Worried you’ll miss something with the new open season system? Here’s what you need to know:

A few reminders:

• Open season applies to both active duty and retired service members and their families.
• If you are happy with your current choice of Tricare plans, you don’t have to do anything.
• Open season only applies to those with Prime or Select. Other plans, such as Tricare Retired Reserve, Young Adult and Tricare for Life, are not part of the change.
• After Dec. 10, you’ll have to wait until next year’s open season to make any changes unless you have a “Qualifying Life Event,” or QLE.
• Open season will happen at approximately the same time each year – from the second week in November until the second week of October.
• Changes made to your Tricare plan during open season do not take effect until Jan. 1.
• A QLE is a major life change such as retirement, deployment, marriage, divorce, birth of a child and certain types of PCS moves, among other things.
• It doesn’t cost anything to switch plans, but you will have to pay any costs associated with the new plan (for example the enrollment fee for Prime).

Need to look over the plans or enroll? Visit https://tricare.mil

The oldest of my two kids turned 17 this week. In true mom fashion, I spent most of the day of his birthday reminiscing about when he was born, and where he’s been.

And wondering where he will go.

He was conceived in Hong Kong, grown on Okinawa, and born in Korea.

He’s lived in 11 houses and moved to Florida, Germany, Florida, Kansas, Germany, Canada, Germany and, finally, Florida again. In 10^th grade, he started his eighth school.

He’s been to 20 countries. He’s seen 48 states, most of those while traveling the U.S. in our RV for a year after my husband retired from the Army. 

What a life he has led life so far.

Yet, like any parent, I wonder if we have done right by him. When we were still an active duty family, I felt bad making the kids move all the time and adjust to new places and new cultures.

As a retiree family, I worry that we have limited our experiences. We are very happy with the place we chose to settle down, but let’s just say it’s not quite as exciting and interesting as living overseas.

Honestly, it’s a little boring.

We’re just regular people now. Nothing special. Just like our neighbors.

This week as I reflected back on my son’s 17 years of life so far, I realized all the things he experienced in his military childhood that we don’t see, have or do often in our civilian life now:

• Friends who know what it’s like to be the “new kid.”
• Military “family” next door, or upstairs, or just down the street.
• A whole community of people who had his back.
• Travel, travel and more travel.
• Diversity.
• Culture
• Pride
• Leadership
• Tradition
• Seeing people, everyday, with a strong work ethic, values, and a commitment to something greater than themselves.

On the other hand, here’s what he’s gained:

• Self confidence built while settling into a non-military community.
• A new hometown.
• Friends who have had completely different experiences than he has had.
• Exposure to pop culture.
• Interest in things that weren’t available to him before – robotics, his school dive team, flying.
• A renewed sense of respect for those who serve in the military.
• The realization that kids in America face big challenges from things like broken families, poverty and crime – not everyone has an idyllic childhood running around freely behind the secure fences of a military base.
• The knowledge that not everyone in America believes in the same thing or acts the same way, but that’s OK.
• Pride in his dad, and in our “service” as a military family.

Yeah, I think this kid is going to turn out just fine.

I woke up in Tokyo around 2 a.m., my bed shaking. Earthquake.

In Hawaii we had a gripping hour-long wait after a tsunami warning was issued and then recalled.

In North Carolina a vicious winter storm brought the entire east coast to a standstill. We were left without electricity for nearly a week. We didn’t have blankets or warm clothes either since the storm delayed our household goods’ delivery.

Now on the Gulf Coast, hurricane a’ coming. We’ve dragged the outdoor toys and furniture into the shed, parked cars away from heavy tree limbs, filled our cupboards and hoped for the best.

Military families have the distinct pleasure of moving not just between states but also weather patterns, and often, dangerous weather conditions.

Tornadoes and hurricanes and ice sheets, oh my!

Rule number one, don’t panic.

If you PCS’d this summer and haven’t looked over the website or Facebook page of the local National Weather Service, do. Get a feel for what weather emergencies or Mother Nature created havoc happens frequently in your new region.

Look over evacuation routes. Know where to call or go for help. Devise a plan.

Our schools released before lunch today so buses would not be caught in the onslaught of rain. My kids know if the rain has begun to fall, stay put, I’ll be in carline. If the skies are still dry, hop on the bus and head home. We had a plan. We followed it.

Discuss possible emergency situations with your children and your spouse. Be aware of local options and be willing to follow the advice of local responders. When they say evacuate, it’s not a suggestion. They know the area well, they know where the water rises.

Knowledge is power. When you know what you are doing, and why, as disaster strikes you will have a better chance of moving your family to safety.

My husband retired from the Army five full years ago. It feels like a lifetime ago.

Five years without ceremonies, packing, early morning PT or deployment - five years without uniforms to clean or friends to say farewell to as they moved on to their next duty station.

We’ve settled quietly into civilian life, in a tiny town with a routine schedule that we once envied during our busiest PCS.

Our military life seemed gone, though I often longed for it while I sat in carline at the same school now, for five long years. After three years I felt the itch to begin packing and looking at maps and felt anxious, as if I was missing … something. By four years I was longing to get the heck out of here. At five years the routine has settled in and so have we. I now dread the idea of moving again.

Our military life, our military friends seem so far away. This week I was jarred from nostalgia and reminded of just how tight knit and wonderful our military community is.

My teenage son is traveling to two scout camps, 1,000 miles apart. The travel day from one and to the other falls on the same day, meaning my son will miss a bus and has to find his own way between Indiana and Florida.

That was the easy part, we could fly him without an issue. Getting him between the camp and the airport on one end and between the airport and the bus traveling through Florida was the sticking point.

Our military family rescued us. One retired friend in Indiana, now a state trooper, happily offered to pick our son up during his rounds, an hour out of his way, and drop him at the airport. His badge will easily get him through security to help our son make sure there are no travel issues.

On the other end, my husband’s former commander, and close friend, was delighted to pick up our son and not just play catch up with the traveling bus but also have time to discuss our son’s upcoming Eagle project him. The former military commander is also an Eagle Scout and spends as much time as he can helping other scouts achieve that goal.

Just when I felt at a loss our military family was there to support us, even at 1,000 miles away in two different directions. And after five years, though our military life feels a lifetime away, it is very much a part of us. The friends we made there were truly friends for life.

A new survey shows military families are worried about money.

No kidding.

The Military Family Advisory Network conducted a recent study that showed the stressors toping military families worry list are financial problems associated with health care, education, child care and frequent moves.

After my husband retired, multiple civilian friends asked us if we missed what they dubbed the “cash flow” from Uncle Sam – housing allowance, access to commissaries, discounts from retailers, deployment pay.

Yes, those are all very nice perks. And yes, it would have been very hard to live the military life without them. But that is the point. Life as a military family is expensive. Deployment, and keeping the home front running as we pay for extra childcare and professionals to fix broken items our spouses would normally handle, can be enormous.

If you have a child with health issues, it can be hard to find a doctor on base or in the military system that can treat them. There are often long waiting lines for appointments. We personally gave up on taking our son to a dermatologist when we were told the wait was over one year long. Visiting a doctor outside the military health care system is costly.

Some communities outside of military bases have the best schools, others have the worst. When you PCS, sometimes you suddenly have to find a way to squeeze private school tuition into an already squeaky tight budget.

The same with child care. It’s hard to find a place you trust, and that you can afford on short notice. The best child care facilities are often the most expensive. As this cost fluctuates with each move so does your stress level.

And with each move, there are added expenses the military is not going to cover. Simple niceties like curtains and rugs might have to be repurchased at each location. Furniture and belongings are ruined in moves and if you think you are really going to get those replaced at full price you are going to be disappointed.

Small costs add up as you make your way from one duty station to the next: snacks on the road, extra gas, flat tires, none of these are covered in the reimbursement costs. More than once we have begun our PCS journey with just enough money to make it to the next destination.  

Because of the extra costs of being constantly flexible and constantly able to move our lives at the drop of a hat are so high, many military families cannot afford to build a savings safety net or even buy enough food.

About 22,000 active-duty troops used food stamps in 2013, the last year for which data were available, according to a 2016 Government Accountability Office Report.

This is not the way people defending a nation should live.

Military families are stressed about money. Yes we are.

Illinois Sen. Tammy Duckworth, made headlines earlier this year for announcing that she vowed to change senate rules to make it easier for future senators to take maternity leave.

In fact she told CNN, it was ridiculous that these types of changes were still making headlines in 2018.

She’s right. The U.S. lags far behind the rest of the developed world in granting workers not just maternity leave, but also any guaranteed paid leave of any kind. The U.S., in fact is the only advanced economy that does not mandate paid sick or maternity leave.

Most American works are covered by the Family Medical Leave Act, which grants 12 weeks of leave per year to care for family members, but that time is unpaid. Nearly 40 other countries offer some level of paid time off for new mothers with the bulk of those nations offering between 15 – 20 weeks. Bulgaria tips the scale at 60 weeks off.

There are no U.S. Federal laws mandating paid sick time or vacation time. While the federal government closes for 10 federal holidays each year, these days are not mandated as time off for all U.S. workers.

You can Google the reasons why the U.S. is so different from every other developed nation when it comes to granting paid time off. Much of the reasoning comes from the aftermath of World War II. According to NPR, when the men came home from battle, the women left the jobs they picked up to help the homefront and returned to their roles as wife and mother. There was no reason to legislate policies that helped them balance work and home.

Meanwhile in Europe, the infrastructure was destroyed, as was the population. Women had to be in the workplace so paid leave policies were put in place to urge more women to join the workforce and rebuild the nation.

Now that American women are an integral part of the workforce, they are still fighting for their rights to be mothers as well. Trade groups and chambers of commerce have rebuffed efforts to implement paid-leave laws.  

Sen. Duckworth is right. Why are we still discussing this in 2018? Why should American women constantly be asked to choose between being an integral, important part of the workforce and an attentive mother?

They shouldn’t. Sen. Duckworth is a purple heart recipient who lost both legs during the Iraq War in 2004. She the first disabled woman and the second Asian-American woman to serve in the Senate.

It is time to stand behind her and demand changes be made to require paid maternity leave in America.

My kids started their first post-retirement school in August. A couple of months in, I asked my 16-year-old if he had made any friends yet.

“Not really,” he said. “There just aren’t any other kids like me.”

We often talk about how active duty servicemembers lose their bearings when they leave the military. They might feel lost, their feeling of purpose gone and their sense of working toward a clear objective stripped away. Their peers are no longer around to share war stories. They feel like they have nothing in common with anyone.

As spouses, we feel that, too. Our tribe is no longer next door or upstairs or down the street.

Kids, in a lot of ways, lose their sense of identity with retirement, too. They are no longer surrounded by kids “just like” them. Kids whose parents are in the military and are used to moving every one to three years. Kids who have traveled to places others only dream about. Kids who have been immersed in a multi-racial community all their lives. Kids who know what the world is like outside the four walls of their high school.

Kids who will almost always welcome a new friend.

Just like us, kids fear the unknown. They might be stressed by mom or dad not having a job, or by hearing their parents talk about whether they have enough money to get through the transition of retirement.

In trying to help my kids adjust, I turned to my go-to expert: Google. Several searches with different variants of “helping kids adjust to military retirement” or “kids and military retirement” turned up nothing.

There’s tons of information on how help kids adjust after a regular PCS, and many of those tips apply to retirement. But here are some more specific things we can do to help our kids, especially teenagers, have a smooth transition:

1. Have a retirement ceremony, and make the sure the kids are recognized. This will help give them closure, just like it does for the servicemember and spouse. And it will let them see that mom or dad is walking away from the military with a clean slate, ready for a fresh start.
2. Keep them informed every step of the way. Explain what retirement means, and what will happen on a weekly or monthly basis as you transition. Get them a calendar and write down important dates like the ceremony, pack-out dates and the first night in your new home.
3. Before retirement, try to have them involved in some sort of activity that will translate well to civilian life. Sports and scouting are two examples.
4. Give them a say. For the first time ever, you can move wherever you want. Some people might choose to go where they get a job, others might pick based on location. Either way, get the kids involved. Make it clear that you will make the final decision based on many factors, but that you value their input.
5. Once the location is chosen, give them a chance again to provide input. Let them look at schools and sports programs and other activities. Many communities have magnet schools and school choice programs, and teens especially should be hands-on in making those kinds of choices.
6. Explain your situation to school administrators, the counselor, teachers … anyone who will interact with your child. Tell them that you are going through a big transition and ask them to look out for your kids. Many will be amazed at the life you (and your kids) have lead.
7. By the same token, encourage your kids to share stories about their adventures in military life with their teachers and peers. They just might become famous as “the kid who’s from Germany” or “the kids who’s lived in 10 different states!”
8. Talk often about your memories of moving, traveling and military life in general.
9. Connect with old military friends in or near your new location. We all have friends all over the world!
10. Make new friends yourself. Connect with other parents at the school through sports teams, clubs or other activities. Your kids will feel more comfortable with their new surroundings you’re involved.

Remind your kids that military life prepares you to face any mission. They can do this. (And so can you!)

Still checking the items off on your child’s school supply list? Still searching for the best deals?

So is everyone else.

A recent survey by the National Retail Federation shows that families are trying to spend less on back to school shopping this year. The survey found that average families will spend $634.78, down from last year’s average of $688.62.

Still, nationwide, back to school sales are expected to top $26.7 billion. And that’s not just money spent on paper and pencils.

Clothing and accessories top those lists, followed by electronics.

While most surveys found that parents spend an average of $100 per child, a Capital One survey found that as many as 21 percent spend $200 per child. The same 21 percent of parents, by the way, spend more each year on supplies than they save each year for their child’s college education.

And for those kids headed off to college, the back to school price tag is higher.

Families are expected to spend on average $836.83 for college supplies this year, down from last year’s average of $907.22, according to the National Retailers Association.

And, the best thing parents have to look forward to once school begins, besides that quiet cup of coffee after the bus leaves in the morning, is replacing all the perfect, new, school supplies.  

A report by NameBubbles.com shows that 80 percent of children will lose not just their pencils, but lunch boxes and clothing too.

The number one item lost throughout the school year: hats and gloves. Followed closely by school supplies, jackets and lunch boxes.

With that in mind, it may be time to hit those buy one, get one free sales. Happy Shopping!

In a recent YouTube clip of a returning soldier reuniting with his dog Gracie, it is clear she is emotional. In the video, which has had almost 9 million hits, Gracie sounds as if she is crying.

Homecomings are emotional for the whole family, even the furry members. Including family pets in welcoming activities goes a long way to helping animals and humans reconnect and smooth the transition for everyone, said Steve Appelbaum, president and director of Animal Behavior College.

"The best thing to do is to really just be aware of really including the pet in the homecoming,” he said.

Appelbaum also was a security specialist and patrol dog handler and trainer in the Air Force, so he understands the effects of the deployment cycle on the whole family.

“A lot of times somebody will come home, there’s a party planned, friends are coming over and the dog is kind of in the way and the dog gets locked out in the backyard,” he said. “That kind of situation creates stress in a dog that can manifest into a variety of actions.”

That may mean excessive barking, digging, chewing, changes in elimination habits and other annoying behavior. Ideally, prevent those stress reactions by making sure the service member spends some time with the pet — playing, feeding, grooming, etc. — so they can get reacquainted, Appelbaum said.

“Most of the time this can be a seamless process,” he said. “It’s not like they’re attempting to build something brand new; they’re really looking to reconnect. It’s usually not that difficult. Food, love and attention works well for most.”

If that doesn’t work, consult a professional animal trainer, Appelbaum said. Sending your recently returned service member and pet to obedience training also can help address any lingering issues in the wake of a homecoming.

Cats generally don’t require the same level of attention as dogs, Appelbaum said, but it’s still a good idea to have your service member spend some time playing with the cat one-on-one.

You also can help by prepping your pet before your service member returns. Appelbaum suggests leaving out clothing or shoes that may have a bit of his scent left. When the pet stops to sniff, praise and reward it. That helps re-introduce his scent and create a positive association with his smell, Appelbaum said.

“It’s like everything else — it’s a process,” Appelbaum said. “It takes a little bit of time sometimes. With a little bit of patience and love, these types of things are usually pretty effortless.”

Your pets aren’t the only ones who will benefit. It’s very likely family routines such as walking the dog are among the things your service member missed most during deployment, he said.

“This [relationship with pets] will be one of the wonderful normal things they had in their lives before that they didn’t have overseas,” he said. “It goes far in helping people re-adjust. It’s just this injection of ‘normal’ that is very powerful.”