This month we reached the halfway mark of deployment four. I swear, if I hear one more person say, “Well, that went fast!” I may be moved to violence. It has not gone fast. It has been five months (today) of excruciating and aching loneliness and I swear time has slowed down every single movement of the second hand just to thwart me.
During 2003, when my husband served his first tour in Iraq, communication was scarce. About a month into the deployment I was ready to beg for smoke signals or a carrier pigeon just to know where he was. There were weeks with no contact, and when it finally came, it was a letter that arrived six weeks after he left.
I’m not just the mother of boys. During the summer months I’m also the mom of a teenage girl. My stepdaughter is fantastic. She’s kind and beautiful, smart and feisty. I
may be biased, but hey, I’ve loved her since she was 2 ½. She was the best wedding present I could have been given.
My husband has been deployed six weeks now. This is when the adjustment period is supposed to be over, right? Well, at least that’s usually what happens around here. We’ve done this so many times that I know the general pattern of it and this last week was week 6: Hell Week.
This house is empty; at least that’s how it feels once the kids are asleep. The hours between bedtime stories and sleep are usually my favorite of the day, when I drop the supermom cape and curl up with my husband for a few precious, tranquil hours.
But this house is empty and now these hours are eerily quiet. A few days ago, deployment four began.
We have less than a month now before our fourth deployment begins. The anticipation is nearly eating me alive.
I’m up at 2 a.m., trying to memorize what his breathing sounds like, trying to mentally carve the image of him sleeping next to me into my memory. I know, soon enough, he’ll be gone, and these hard-fought memories will start to fade.
My husband is due to deploy in the next couple of months and I am desperately seeking some kind of plan - a roadmap to cling to.
This is our fourth deployment.
I live you.
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