Salute to Spouses Blog

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You vs. Me = A Loss for Us Both

I would like to consider myself a seasoned military spouse by now.  After eight years of Marine Corps life, more than eight moves, two babies born in two different states and re-establishing myself over and over again (you get the drill), I feel pretty confident in navigating around this crazy military life (not that I need to list it all out, we all know what its like!).

That’s not to say I know everything. Believe me, I am constantly learning new things about this life. And it doesn’t really get any easier, as a spouse we just learn to cope better. Or expect the worse because that is what usually happens!

One thing that I have noticed lately at our current duty station (or maybe just our own little bubble) is the competiveness between spouses.  It’s maddening!

Stay-at-home moms pitted against working moms. Enlisted wife against officer wife. New spouse against seasoned spouse. Even one military branch against another. Maybe it’s the curse of social media that prevents us from filtering our words and people just say whatever they want because they can hide behind their profile picture.  

Or, somehow, someone thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Whatever it is, I have witnessed some disturbing comments in person and social media the last few months by all ranks (including friends) and my heart is a little broken. Women can be bullies!

I thought about listing specific examples that I have encountered but after much thought I realized it’s just not necessary.  Rehashing it, thinking about it and getting defensive all over again is not healthy.  

So, let me say this, to all military spouses: male, female, officer, mustang, enlisted, stay-at-home mom, working mom, working spouse, new spouse or seasoned.

Stop comparing one another and give each other some grace and respect. We are all doing the best we can with the cards we were dealt or the path we chose. We all live within our own means. We all make sacrifices.  We all made mistakes and had to learn the hard way.

It sounds so cliché to say get along and support one another but it’s the truth. We are all doing our part to support our military, support our country and support our family. We have to stop pinning ourselves against each other.

Being a military family is hard enough. We need to stand together and fight for the benefits promised to us and our children. We need to support one another because our loved ones are still fighting a war. We need to stand up for our veterans and stop watching the statistics about PTSD and suicide rates increase while nothing is being done about it. We need to band together and go to our legislators and give our veterans a voice.

There are much bigger problems in our world. I could care less about getting a salute at the gate. As a mom of preschoolers, I am trying to teach my boys to treat others the way they want to be treated.

Instead of worrying about getting saluted at the gate or comparing pay scales, maybe we all need to go back to some basics and relearn common courtesy.

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