“I’ve had it with him. I’ve had it with the Army. I asked him for a divorce, he said yes.”
My friend whispered the above statement into the phone for fear her kids would enter the room.
I was flabbergasted and horrified - kind of. After so many years married to the Army, this was definitely not the first time I had heard this phrase uttered into a hushed phone conversation.
She was on the verge of buying tickets back to the mainland. What made this situation even more dangerous - she could afford to do it. While many of us would be forced to stay until at least the next payday, this friend could head to the airport tomorrow and never be heard from again.
And being rash wasn’t going to solve her problem.
It never does.
Too often we have seen dear friends, military couples, separate in a huff after too much time apart, too many long hours at work and too much strain on a one-parent homefront. Being a military spouse, at times, isn’t much fun.
When military members refuse to sit still long enough to address the issue, or gasp, see a therapist, often all is lost.
We’ve all been there. Roughly 13 months into a 15-month deployment I was ready to walk away. I have vowed loudly and obnoxiously that I hate the Army and all the trappings of the life of a military spouse. I have yelled at my husband and blamed him and his uniform for all that ailed me.
The key, I think, is that when you are done yelling, stop and pause. Hastily made decisions are hard to undue in the military. Leaving your spouse involves his command, the local JAG office and lots of other people you don’t necessarily won’t digging around in your business.
Once you take a day or two to assess your situation and what is best for your future, move forward. But taking those few days to really think it over can mean the difference between a future that is prosperous and one that is rife with red tape and knots leading back to the military life you were trying to leave.
Need to talk it out? Military One Source has counselors on the phone 24 hours a day. I’ve called them, bawled and spewed long, almost nonsensical explanations of the situation at hand. And they, listened, without judgment.
If you find yourself on the verge of making a rash decision, stop and pause. Call your neighbor, call your friend. Call Military One Source. Whatever you do, give yourself enough time to do what is right for you and your situation.
Sure, there’s a plane leaving in three hours. But there’s one again tomorrow and the next day and the next day. If that is where you need to be, you will get there. And when you do, you will know it is the right decision and not a knee-jerk reaction.
Military One Source 1-800-342-9647
