I have to admit that I have been struggling to write lately.
My military life has been pretty calm, compared to the usual for military families. Most of my craziness stems from being a stay at home mom of two boys under two and all the chaos that comes with that.
However, this weekend we were slapped with some news that reminded me how you never know what the military will throw at you.
It's now December which marks the halfway point of my husband's school. We have five more months left here. Orders will be out in January but there are some families who already have theirs (that never happens for us).
My husband has been talking, networking and interviewing like crazy. He is anxious to figure out where we are going and what he'll be doing. In an earlier post I mentioned that we had been given several choices but it was frustrating to have the responsibility and control over our own duty station.
Be careful what you wish for people!!
We decided that Tampa was our first choice for a variety of reasons and just had to wait out a few weeks for the monitor to draw up orders. My husband checks on the jobs/billets available pretty regularly (probably more like obsessively) and was shocked to learn the billets available in Tampa were no longer there. For whatever reason, they are gone. Needless to say we were, and still are, crushed.
We had started looking at the area, at homes and had made plans to visit in March with realtors. We made the rookie mistake of jumping in too soon and too fast.
Everyone knows things change a lot in this lifestyle. Until you get that official paperwork, you can't guarantee anything. We learned this with our first PCS. We were told we were going to Hawaii and when my husband was given physical orders it said San Diego. Never believe anything until you see it with your own eyes.
My first reaction was to message my best friend and complain and vent, so I did.
After, I wanted to clean. Our tiny townhouse drives me crazy. As we waited for orders, I was so anxious to know where we were going and focus on a new home that it made me forget how unhappy this house actually makes me.
But now, with Tampa off our list, I look around and everything about this house makes me mad. For some reason cleaning at that time made me feel better.
My husband and I talked about how crushed we were, as we began starting this process over. He looked at his other options on the list and we both felt empty. Job wise and location wise, nothing seemed to fit our needs and family right. The hardest part to swallow was everything now available for his MOS (job) was deployable, something we are not ready for.
I looked at my husbands face and I could see the sadness in his eyes. This was so much more then just getting a new home for him. This job in Tampa was more family time and it was taken from him.
My heart sank. It was incredibly selfish of me to be upset about the house. The weight of the world had been on his shoulders as he had to choose between career and family. He finally made his decision, after turning down other opportunities and now it was gone.
No control, no say and only a few weeks to go back to the drawing board and find something else. I can honestly say I do not care to be in his shoes and wish I could take away some of the disappointment.
So I've snapped myself out of my pity party. The whole situation is a good reminder that as a military wife (and family) this is what we do. I support my husband, try to be as flexible as possible and adapt to the changes and challenges presented to us.
People always ask me, as a military family, how we do it. To be honest, I don't know any other way. This is what we do. Make the best of what we are given.
It may not be easy but there a lot of things that could happen that are far worse. Being together as a family is my priority and I'll do what it takes because I love my husband and believe in what he does. I can suck it up a few more months in this old, small house and enjoy our "normal" life a few more months.
